Long one, sorry. I live in my husband's country within 30min of most of his family. We've been here for 14 years. We have 3 children. Since getting married we have spent 1 Christmas with my family. We have spent every other Christmas for 14 years with his family. For context, we mostly get along great and see his mom most weeks and other family multiple times through the year and for every holiday, birthday, event etc.
I have 5 brothers and sisters who live around the world. They try to get together with my parents on a holiday at least once a year. We have made it to these holidays twice in a dozen years. Otherwise we see some of them on some trips back when schedules coordinate. My parents have been to visit us only twice (they struggle with planes and also I have a brother and sister who are 12 and 20 years younger than me so they were in school until recently) but on many of our previous trips when we were not so well off they (or my aunts, of which I have many) would help with our airfare or pay for the accommodation for us all to make it easier for us to travel.
Recently we've been doing really well and have plenty of extra funds. We splurged on a trip to a national park this summer for 2 weeks for my 40th and invited my family. We paid for pretty much everything except their airfare and food. My parents, sister and one brother made it to the location, the others couldn't due to financial issues. Again, for context, we did Disney for my husband's 40th a few years prior and invited my family. Two brothers and my parents along with my aunt and uncle who my husband and I were both close to joined us (my parents paid for the house).
My brothers recently informed me that everyone is going to be "home" for Christmas and asked if we could go too and surprise our mom with a big family Christmas. We will not have seen three of my brothers or my nephews for 15 months by Christmas so it would be amazing.
Flights will be about £3k for 10 days but my husband automatically said that's too much when we just spent a fortune seeing them for my birthday. I pointed out that he was willing to go to Prague for 4 days for £2k that same week and he immediately u-turned on that and said he never would have agreed (he previously told me to book it!). His other argument is that they never come to us so why should we spend the money to always have to go to them. Again for context, most of them don't have valid passports and/or fear flying. Siblings: One is military, one is a broke college kid, one lives in China, one is afraid to put his kids on a plane and one was in high school until recently.
Hubby has also told me repeatedly in the past that he just flat out refuses to go to my hometown ever again bc he finds it boring and there is nothing to do after we spent £3k on flights so it's not worth it. So we have compromised in the past and met my family at destinations instead (beach, Disney, national parks, etc). So we wind up spending a fortune on holidays (which we all enjoy, not complaining) because he cannot just sit and visit with people, he always has to do something. Even when we visited my home town in years past we had to always be out finding something to "do" spending extra money on activities instead of just sitting home and playing games, chatting, catching up, etc which is something my family (and the kids and I) all enjoy. It cuts out on most of the time we can spend being together each year because not everyone goes or because of the nature of the activity we're all doing different things.
We are in a position where we have plenty of extra funds, especially before we potentially buy a house in the new year (process ongoing and spending up to £5k now will not impact anything there). Am I being unreasonable to tell him he's being a selfish asshole to not let our kids (12, 11, 9) have a Christmas with my family for only the second time in their lives, and to deny me the chance to be with all of my siblings and parents together for the first time in 15 months?? Would IBU to just book it and he can come or not? Kids all want to go. I mostly just want to know if my feelings are valid or if I need to give a little more credence to what his arguments are? Thank you!