WWYD: DP won't get on board with any of my ideas

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Starting a new thread.... Welcome to look at previous if helpful.

Summary:
We are family of 4; 2 DCs 10 & 4; Eldest DC high anxiety, OCD like behaviour and phobia (been assessed, not ASD) on waiting list for CAMHS; Youngest has recurring illness with lots of days off school - on NHS waiting list since April, now going private but not something we can easily afford

I have MH difficulties which weren't helped by pandemic + v. young child, not furloughed, and DP working out of the house throughout lockdowns, led to my 1st burnout; Then dealing with eldest DC being off school due to anxiety, + intense job & bullying in workplace, led to 2nd burnout; now better with meds but still waiting (2.5+ yrs since first referred) for NHS therapy

DP works FT, 40hpw and is out the house for about 12 hrs each day; he finds kids / home life stressful so does sports after work to manage

I'm self employed, but take on almost all the responsibility for kids which means I miss a lot of opportunities for work due to them being off school a lot

The problem:

• DPs full-time wage only covers roughly half of our outgoings, he loves his workplace and doesnt want to leave, but they are under paying him by at least £7k p.a.
• I'm self employed, so when I don't work because of kids, I don't earn, and 1 lost DAY of work for me is what DP earns in a WEEK (not all of what I earn is money in our pocket due to business costs)
• DP works in a trade so difficult to go part-time
• It would be detrimental for DPs mental health (and therefore for the children) for him to give up work and become a SAHD

I've suggested the following but DP not keen:

• Moving to where my parents live, as they have time and would love to help out with kids so both me and DP could work - I come from a culture where it is normal for grandparents to be very involved - BUT, they don't live in UK and DP can't stand them and doesn't want to move

• DP reduces hours so that he can cover morning drop offs and take parental leave if kids are off school so we aren't losing so much of my earning potential

• DP leaves his workplace and finds a better paid and/or more flexible workplace

• DP gets some professional help to better manage family life or at least identify his needs (similar to eldest DC) to get him support

Or anything else we've not considered?

Am I being difficult and unreasonable?

Thank you @minipie, it's not straightforward and I'm not the best at explaining myself so I can understand how some PPs got the wrong end of the stick, but am hugely grateful for the posters like you that understood and were able to help me think of viable solutions 🙂

One possible option for nannies - we put an advert on NextDoor for a part time nanny and hired an older lady who had taken early retirement but wanted to earn a bit extra. She was v local so able to come by often and have fairly flexible hours - contracted 3-6pm for 4 days a week plus extra days as needed. It worked v well and she stayed with our family for 3 years. I did make sure to pay well and respect her.

That's a good idea, I will definitely give that a try. Thank you! 🙂