To let my 12 year old dye her hair?

[Mothership6]

My daughter has ginger hair, it is beautiful to me but she’s been asking to dye it for quite a long time now.

She started year 7 in September and whilst she has a great friendship group and she’s not being bullied or anything (thankfully) she does get the odd nasty comment.

Would it be unreasonable to dye her hair?

I’m worried that by letting her I’m saying her hair isn’t beautiful as it is- although I’m probably overthinking it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm amazed she's asked you to be honest. At her age I was in boots buying up the hair dye aisle!

They were probably less strict back then though.

That's true! I bought "sun in' and turned my hair orange by mistake

I dyed my hair at 12. I would let her.

I don’t understand all the posts about hairdressers not doing it until 16, my dd had highlights from age 12/13 from various salons

Oh wow. I was dying my hair from not much older, first those lovely smelling toner sachets and permanent from 14. (Often red actually.)

Without commenting on risk etc, one of my close friend's in year 11 really really wanted to dye her coppery ginger hair (it was lovely but very bright and she was very self conscious), her father took it really personally and was imo needlessly cruel. She did in the end and just used a toner to bring it down a shade, made more reddish brown and she was really pleased. It really boosted her confidence too.

I'd probably let her, but defo do a patch test first.
Being a teen is hard enough. Lots of red hair in my family I love it, but let her grow into loving it in her own time..

When u work in a reputable salon for your insurance to be valid u have to follow manufacturers instructions on all products and on all products for hair colouring it’s states not to be used under the age of 16 !
Under 16 have more chance of having allergic reaction due to being more sensitive scalps ect !
so anyone that has had their children’s hair done in a salon is because the stylist just wants to make money and doesn’t actually care if your child has a reaction !

@WrongSwanson but you're an adult. I agree that it can be a lovely colour but I don't think that any kids are envious. Adults yes. Kids no.

I'm not sure you get to decide what all people think?

I longed for red hair as a child, I had boring blonde hair (in my opinion).

Let the poor girl dye her hair. Teenage years are hard enough as it is. I actually think its cruel to not let her . Some highlights would look lovely. I'm 34 and remember myself and a lot of my friends had highlights etc at her age.. nothing bad happened to our hair 🙄 like others on here are saying. Let her express herself . If something was bothering my child that I could help her with I would in a flash.

Red head here, I dyed mine when I was young and it always went a murky colour. Bleaching it kills it too. Hair dyed doesn't take well on red hair and looking back on photos, I looked a mess. I had it dyed back to my natural colour in my 20s, grew it all out and I have amazing long red hair now. You can either encourage her to embrace it or you can let her make the same mistakes a lot of us did. Either way, she'll be fine.

Hi, maybe you missed my post. At school I had a friend with red hair, I would have swapped.

I think sadly, although psychologically understandably, some people have internalised the bullying they got as a child.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been having blonde nightlights since I was about 12-13 though obviously I grew up in a different time where H&S wasn’t such a big deal.

Is it worth finding a reputable hair salon just to have a few highlights to lift the colour? Nothing drastic but just a nice subtle uplift.

This thread has two different questions running through it:

Should someone age 12 dye their hair?

Should someone change their appearance in response to bullying?

I think 12 is a bit young, but that's parental judgement.

I think it is unhealthy parenting and long term damaging to make anyone feel changing their looks is the way to respond to bullying.

I would say yes but I would see if a mobile hair dresser or salon would do it, unless you are confident you can do it at home. I’ve been colouring my hair since 12, I had a few at home hair disasters but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. I get the whole being comfortable with your natural colour etc, I do, I would make sure your daughter is 100% ready and knows that it could go wrong and it does require up keep. If it was me and it made my daughter feel happy, I would say yes but explain the above. I’ve been colouring my hair since 12, I’m now 35. I was dying it brown till around 18/19 and since then I have it done in the salon each 6 weeks, mostly bleach and I’m really happy with my hair.

A bad home due job is a right of passage in my eyes!

My salon gave my daughters brown hair blonde highlights.
She has low self esteem and I don't regret making her feel better.
She is now home educated and I dyed it purple for her (temporary) . That's what she wanted to make her feel better.

Yes, I think that's fair.

(My eleven-year-old DS has had either pink or blue hair for long periods of time since he was about 9, but it's not permanent, and he's at the kind of hippy school where there are no uniform of hair rules. His class often looks like a miniature collection of 1970s art school students in photos... )

I dream of working in a hippy school.

Ginger hair is easy to dye darker colours but I wouldn't bleach. If she wants to there are plenty of box dyes that will do the trick and maybe try a semi permanent first?

I'm ginger and I remember feeling awful about it - attitudes don't seem to have changed either - my daughter dyed her hair ginger in the summer and looked fabulous- two of her friends both said 'ew why would you go ginger on purpose?' Knowing she has a ginger mum! Really pisses me off!

But I digress. Yes in an ideal world, it would be nice if she could tough it out, but people can be shitty about ginger hair and if dying it brown makes her feel better, I'd do a patch test and let her crack on but avoid bleach at this age. It's hair, it will grow back. It's but permanent- there are apps you can use to change your hair colour to see if you like it first so I'd try that first to be sure she's happy with her choice - and id suggest not going too dark because often red headed skin tones can't take it!

I dyed my hair at around this age. It’s experimentation. It has not affected me at all! You can do a skin test for allergies as you would anyway. Go semi permanent though.

All you serious?? So many things could go wrong with this mad idea, the hair turns strange colours, dries it and breaks.
She would certainly get teased if it went wrong. Hair dye is for 16 and over for a reason.
Red hair like any other colour needs to be cared for and can look beautiful if treated properly.

Totally agree with this.

Why would you let her dye her beautiful red hair?! If she want to dye her hair, then let her but not because of the bullies. To be honest, the girls who started dying their hair young always ended up with damaged shivvel har- and the only way to grow back it back to its original state was to cut the hair drastically.

I would let her but get it professionally done

I have dyed my hair since I was 12 years old. Never asked permission, just got myself a sachet of henna from the Body Shop, and after a mud-fest afternoon, I emerged from the bathroom with the most AMAZING head of auburn red hair. I absolutely loved it.

By 14, I was on the hard stuff (Loreal Recital), still aiming for the flamiest red I could get. Imo, it is the most beautiful colour hair can be.

I'm mid 40s how, and have never been my natural colour (mid-brown), although I am avoiding "menopausal mahogany" so dark brown for now.

My advice would be to take your daughter to a hairdresser for a re-style and swoosh-up, to boost her confidence. Buy her styling equipment. She's so lucky to have natural red hair, it would be such a shame to waste it.

Red head here myself! I used Elumen on my hair when I was younger and as others have said dying red hair it was horrendous to get out, any colour which is darker will stain the hair and I ended up having to grow mine out and get remover treatments. My twin sister used to dye her hair dark brown and likewise was a nightmare when growing out. I haven’t coloured my hair since (now 33) and my twin just gets highlights in similar tones to our natural colour now. I would say at 12 she’s too young for a permanent colour and if she ends up hating it it’s a lot harder to correct on a red head but ultimately she’ll eventually realise when she’s older to make the most of her red hair! If you decide to let her dye her hair please take her to a hairdresser and don’t do it at home - my sister was bad for this and ruined her hair and the only thing that could then be done by the hairdresser was to bleach her hair and redye with a colour near to our natural colour.