To let my 12 year old dye her hair?

[Mothership6]

My daughter has ginger hair, it is beautiful to me but she’s been asking to dye it for quite a long time now.

She started year 7 in September and whilst she has a great friendship group and she’s not being bullied or anything (thankfully) she does get the odd nasty comment.

Would it be unreasonable to dye her hair?

I’m worried that by letting her I’m saying her hair isn’t beautiful as it is- although I’m probably overthinking it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd dye it for her or take her to have it done professionally. At 13 my friend dyed his bright ginger hair jet black without his parents permission. His eyebrows! The roots! It was bad.

What colour is she wanting? As others have said, red can be difficult to dye over. Sticking with red toned colours may be best rather than looking for a drastic change.
Personally I've been dying my hair since I was 13.
If I were you then let her try some semi-permanent dyes from good brand - Sally services is a good shop to start from. Maybe say she can try them over a school holiday to see if it's a passing fancy or a more long lasting want of hers.

I've been letting mine use silly colours from Schwarzkopf live's semi permanent range for ages. Not really seeing the problem, always do patch tests and they fade out / wash out in time. 12 year old with natural auburn hair has been blues, greens and purples. Blue was a mistake, took forever to (mostly) wash out, but she does have a short bob so the remainder eventually grew out.

Do not let your child run scared of bullies.

Changing her hair will not stop them because these predators smell fear. They'll know they've rattled her.

Get your daughter some uplifting reading material that will help her gain a sense of perspective.

'Queen Bees and Wannabes' should help her see what's happening and understand the dynamics, above all, that the problem is the other people's inadequacies and insecurities, not her hair. You and she could read it together.

There is an American Girl Publisher book on peer relationships you could get too - 'Stand Up For Yourself and your Friends'.
Look up the 'Smart Girl's Guide' series of books too, dealing with peer relationships.

On personal appearance, my own red-haired DDs (and their sisters as well) loved the Bobbi Brown book, 'Teenage Beauty'. I think it's still in print. If not, you can find a used copy online. This is a truly excellent book that aims to help teenage girls accept themselves as they are and stop feeling they must change themselves.

Its really important for girls to develop self possession as they go through their teen years. In order to achieve that, they need support and insight into their peers' behaviour and motivations, and also their own feelings about themselves. They also need to develop the connection they have with their parents, especially their mums, as they transform from children into young women, and if you can give your daughter the confidence that you have her back and support her as she develops her own identity, you'll build a foundation for life.

I am struggling with the same dilemma with my 12 year old. I have ginger hair and about the same age took matters into my own hands and coloured it dark brown with my mums nice and easy after begging for months.

I really want to avoid this situation with my own daughter and can now very much see why my own mum was so against it. I however, remember that feeling of wanting a change so desperately I was prepared to get into trouble for it.
I was never picked on so to speak for having ginger hair, but like your daughter got the odd rubbish comment. That wasn’t the reason I wanted brown hair though, however I think wanting to fit in with all my friends more than likely did have a lot to do with it.

oddly enough my daughter has dark brown hair and wants it red ?? I don’t know if that’s some twisted punishment from the universe 😂

If a hairdresser can’t do it then I wouldn’t

Let Her dye it. Im a full on Catherine Tate ginger and box dyed it brown from 12-22. My experience at school changed literally overnight. I reverted to my natural colour at 22 and fortunately never had any problems with the dye going wrong ect.

My DD has a huge amount of red hair and she definitely had some really stupid and annoying comments about it. Starting with 'gingers have no soul' and upwards to some extremely rude and derogatory comments. She didn't like it but she developed a very thick skin and ballsy attitude in her teens - she called herself a ginger ninja and woe-betide any fool who tried to comment. Until such time as she discovered how nice it is to stand out from the crowd and how attractive people see her.

I don't think I would have encouraged her to colour her hair at that age but she did try a number of different fun dye products from when she was about 15/16. Now in her 20s she has blond streaks framing her face which look great and overall her colour has darkened. She loves being different.

My DD has red hair too. She's had stupid comments but loves her hair.
Saying that I would support her to change it if she wanted. 12 is young for full on dye jobs though. Check school policy first.

Does she want to go lighter or darker? I have naturally dark red hair and hairdressers wouldn’t touch it as teen or adult so I took matters into my own hands and it’s been platinum blonde since I was around 13. So in my experience the colour does lift really quite easily. I’d probably start off with highlights though at her age so it’s less damaging and not so drastic. I had awful comments too so I feel her pain

Much too young. A friend dyed hers and turned her hair pink. She was ribbed about it unmercifully for the next 3-4 yrs at school. Suspect she wished she’d never touched it as no-one comments on red hair in Ireland it’s so normal.

is it straight, curly, frizzy? It might be more helpful to focus on ways she can naturally “dress” it? Occasional curls, straightening for the odd party, products to reduce frizz?
My sister is a redhead. She had the most glorious auburn hair but has highlighted it (and ruined it imho) but things like eyelash and brow dying were transforming for her.

There’s a girl in year 5 at my daughters school who has (had!) amazing red hair but unfortunately her mum has let her dye it the most horrendous dark brown. She looks terrible now, in my opinion, and dd reports that the girl is now getting teased for dying her hair.

basically kids are horrible to each other and dying her hair won’t stop that. You need to build her up and get her to love her hair, not enforce the message that the red hair is undesirable.

Salons will dye a 12yo hair, with parental permission.

I see no harm in allowing a temp dye to tone down the shade if it helps her with her self esteem and her own image perception. Hair colour is a huge part of our identity and I supported my children when they wanted to start to experiment with that.

Most important, imo, is that your daughter knows that you support her and are there for her.

A number of good hairdressers where I am - will see 13 and above with parental
consent to look at a compromise. My daughter had a balayage at 13 very natural colours used and for me it was more preferable than her and her friends buying a box of dye and doing it themselves!

All of this.

She will just be mocked for changing her hair colour. Kids are cruel. Teach her resiliency. Teach her to love her differences.

I have ginger hair and was bullied at school for it. Dyeing it may or may not stop the bullies but it might make you dd more confident. I also think that it may get to a point where she buys a box dye and does it behind your back which would be worse.

The comments stem from envy. It's such a beautiful,.striking hair colour.

That's such a lie. No child wants ginger hair. And it's not exactly a popular choice for adults either. I have ginger hair. I'm ok with it now but as a kid I guarantee no one was jealous.

It's not a lie, I think it's a lovely colour.

@whosaidtha as a child I had a friend with amazing red hair, I would have swapped.

I feel too many people with red hair internalise the bullying they receive.

I’d say 16 is the right age to start experimenting with hair dye.

Agreed, quite a few of the most beautiful women I know are red heads.

Can I just ask you to please check with school first before you promise anything? My school has a very strict no colouring policy. It has led to children being out of lessons in exclusion for up to a week while parents first fight the school then re dye the hair. In that time the student tends to be every uncomfortable and misses their pals in lessons.
Most schools never budge on hair or head coverings.
I know lots of posters feel very strongly that children shouldn't be in isolation but ours is in a large airy space with lots of room and peace and quiet to work in. Academic and pastoral staff visit to give work and pick up done work. Food and drink breaks are regular as are bathroom breaks.
Some children like being in isolation because of the peace, and they can read their own books once they have done their work. We even let them pop to our library and ask the librarian for a personal consultation about what they could read next. And we will test their reading age if they want us to to help. That's even if they are in isolation for behaviour reasons.
Sorry for going off topic!

Red hair is something you grow into. As an adult woman (less so for a man) everyone is usually envious. But as child it’s a source of teasing - but kids can get teased or bullied about literally anything at all - being short or tall, wearing glasses, whatever. It’s just that if you’re a redhead you think it’s your hair colour that is a problem- we can’t see that other people are picked on too.

I do let my DC experiment with hair colour with wash in wash out dyes and it’s not at all uncommon where we are at secondary age, so I’m surprised this thread is quite so nopity-nope about it.

Hairdresser here don’t do it !!
she has more chance of allergic reactions when used to young !
Hairdressers won’t do it it’s against the rules and wud invalidate insurance if anything went wrong !
Ginger copper hair is a huge trend atm cowboy copper show her on instagram or whatever socials she is on and get her to embrace it x