More of a WWYD re School complaint

[KnownNowNo]

As not to drip feed
And if it's too long to read - School wont reply to complaint in writing & want to discuss in person. Who do I go to to take this complaint further?

DD8 has suspected ASD/ADHD & has a referal for neuro on Friday. She has struggled with feeling overwhelmed in the classroom these last 3 years and the past 2 years school have been really supportive and put things into place so she can calm herself down ( gave her a card to raise when she was feeling overwhelmed and let her go in the sun room to calm down ect )

She has always had an lovely relationship with her teachers and before this year we have never had any reason to complain. They have genuinely gotten on and I have seen them hugging her goodbye ect and she has always spoke positively about them

This year she has been sent home 8 times due to random vomiting in school, she has not vomited at home a single time. In September I had to make a complaint as she was sent home early due to vomiting/crying and told me her teacher had ripped up her work and thrown it in the bin. She had come home many a time upset because the teacher has apparently been shouting at pupils and often makes DD redo her work

During the meeting with the headteacher the headteacher really focused on DD getting the teachers hair colour wrong, she even went as far as to get pictures of the teacher and show me her hair was brown ( DD was saying it had blonde in it )

So imagine my disbelief when I went to pick up DD and saw for myself her teacher did have blonde in her hair. I should of complained at the time but after realising that the head teacher had lied I didnt give me good faith for another complaint

Fast forward to last week, DD sent home due to vomiting 2 days in a row and on the 2nd day she got really upset and told me the teacher had asked her to redo the same piece of work 3 times and when DD refused on the 3rd time she apparently held the pencil in DDs hand forcefully on the table, DD ripped her hand away and sliced herself in the arm out of frustration with the pencil, there has been a brief "wrestle" where the teacher has tried to take the pencil off DD and succeeded. Apparently she has then told DD to the work again and DD has started to punch herself in the head and shouted she wasnt doing it again.

Apparently the teacher has then said "FINE" and got hold of DD and forcefully pulled her over to the carpet, digging her nails into DD's arm and made her sit on the carpet in time out for a few minutes

I rang school about it on Tuesday when she told me and school asked me to send it in an email. I did and the head teacher replied saying it would be investigated. On Friday the headteacher emailed asking i come in on the Monday for a meeting. I replied and said I would prefer to communicate via email and would like to be kept updated about the investigation via email

She did not reply. I emailed again yesterday asking for the 3rd time about work being sent home for DD. It has 100% been sent and all emails are in a long conversation where you can see everything sent from us and school

What would your next steps be If this was you? Clearly they have finished their investigation if they wanted me to come in Monday to discuss it and I feel like they dont want to put it in writing because they want to try and gaslight us like they did last time. I know that sounds paranoid, but that is what they did last time

What should I do now? DD has been off all week as she refuses to go back, In the first email i sent i did ask if she could transfer class as they have 2 classes for her year. One mixed one just her year.

I'm not comfortable sending her back at all to be honest, I'm looking into moving schools at this point or maybe even home schooling but they havnt dealt with the complaint efficiently nor have they sent work home when asked

I'm really stressed out by it all ( I also have ADHD although I was only diagnosed this year ) it's all really overwhelming

Sorry this has ended up so long

Hmm, I find this literally unbelievable. You are saying the teacher essentially uses force on your dd and doesn't report self harm. If that is actually true she would be sacked and struck off, are you sure?

This sounds like something that would be better discussed in person than via email. If you would like a record of the meeting can you ask that you bring a friend to take notes? Or record the meeting?

Ring the police now.

Police and ofsted

Governors too

I've wanted to come on here since it happened and ask other people for advice and havnt because I was worried people wouldnt believe what I was saying because it sounds so unbelievable.

Why would I make this up? Why would my DD when she has always gotten on with her previous teachers and has no previous of accusing teachers of hurting her. She has always had a good relationship with her past teachers. I stated in the email I was concerned nobody had told me about the melt down and DD had come home with a vertical slash down her arm.

And, I didnt come here asking people to believe me or not. I'm asking what the next steps should be with this

Go to school?

Has DD just moved to KS2? It’s a big flash point for ADHD/ASD kids and was the point my sweet loving intelligent child broken down and head butted another pupil.

I had to fight to get help, still fighting and a private diagnosis and medication has helped my child no end.

I believe you.

After the last meeting with the head teacher focusing on the hair colour and not the actual issue I complained about I am not prepared to have another meeting in person. I would prefer it to be wrote down so she cant pull another stunt like that. I was diagnosed with ADHD this year too and I find complaing really difficult and cannot "stand up" for myself in person. I also stutter and cannot say what I really want to say without getting jumbled up. I can articulate myself a lot better in writing

I have pondered recording but school have a policy ahout recording on school grounds

Complain to the school governors. Do you have pictures of the pencil and nail marks on DD, if so include them in your complaint.

I know this makes me sound like an absolute moron, but I just cant. I cant face it after the last meeting. It was only a few days into the school year and in not so many words the head said DD was lying and made a big song and dance about the hair colour... which turned out DD had her hair colour right and head had shown me an old picture of teacher

I'm not sure what key stage shes in but shes 8, almost 9, just gone into Yr4. I have a meeting with school for a neuro pathway referal on Friday. I was diagnosed with ADHD in January aswell so its all been overwhelming.

This thing about photos of the teacher, etc - does this mean you've not met her teacher previously? I'm asking because, given her SEN needs, it would be strange for you not to have.

I think you should go to school for an in person meeting and take someone with you. It sounds like there is a lot to unpick and it's best done in person.

But I can also see why you will find this intimidating and difficult after the last meeting so that's why I think you should take someone with you.

Thank you.

I know it sounds unbelievable, but is that not what the teacher is counting on,

If your daughter has been assaulted by her teacher then you need to involve the police.

If my child came home with an injury inflicted during a physical altercation with a staff member, and had been mistreated to the point of hitting herself in the head and vomiting, I'd no longer be entrusting that school with her safety. I'd escalate this beyond the head teacher now. Governors, LA and police.

Where would I find their details?

I have pictures of the pencil mark but no nail Mark's as DD only told me about this on the Tuesday afternoon & it happened on the Monday morning ( she came home Monday dinnertime due to vomiting and upset ) she didnt say there were nail marks either, just that she had dug her nails in and hurt her

Her class has 3 teachers in it, I had met two of them by this point ( first complaint was made maybe a week into September ) One teacher went on maternity leave last month so I assume that's why there was 3 as usually there is 2 in every class ( large school, 11 classrooms )

I absolutely believe you op, some teachers seem to choose the job solely because they enjoy having power over others, it’s disgusting. I was an undiagnosed autistic child and had some absolute specimens of teachers during my time in primary and secondary school- never to the extent your poor daughter is experiencing though. Her teacher clearly isn’t fit to teach SEN pupils, or any pupils for that matter. Would taking someone with you to the meeting be an option?

You need an advocate.
A friend who understands the system and who can speak for you and take notes. Or even 2 friends so that one can take notes.

Do you know anyone who would do that? Then you go to the meeting but your friends does the talking.
It needs to be someone who understands a bit about schools and who is not intimidated by them. I do this for a couple of ladies that I support who have SEN kids, I go along to meetings with them. If they forget to say something I can ask if they would like to mention xxx. I take notes and if the professionals are not taking her concerns seriously I can help them to present it in such a way that they do.

Is there anyone you could ask to help with this?
You do need ot meet in person. Then send an email with a summary of what was said. (that is your paper trail)

One thing to note. Whatever the outcome, this class is causing your dd so much distress that she is vomiting at school. Whatever the issue with the teacher, it has broken down to such an extent that your dd needs ot move class. I would focus on that as an outcome.
I would also ask to see her IEP. Even if she is not diagnosed there should be an Individual Education Plan (IEP) around her needs and her teacher should be following it. If they have provided and card system for her then that should be in the plan for example. It sounds as if the teacher is not following her IEP.

To be honest once you lose faith in the ability of the management team to keep her safe you need to consider moving schools.

I would not hesitate to move schools BUT and it is a big BUT, you have a meeting for her neurology assessment on Friday? If you move schools you may lose the assessment process and the new school may need to start again with it. That will waste a lot of time (possiblt years) for your dd.

So I would try and make it work with the school. If you have got as far as assessment then hopefully you are getting to the end of the process, once you have a diagnosis, then move.

Obviously a serious issue and I do not know enough about SEN to comment.

To counteract their insistence of a meeting to discuss rather than email could you agree but tell them you will be taking minutes of the meeting and all discussion points and you will want them to confirm what has been written down during the meeting.

Take in a pen and paper and write minutes while there and end with asking them to agree what you have written represents your conversation. Then once home type up and send to them stating it is what was agreed and written in the meeting that it represented what was discussed and the original hand written copies are available if needed?

JUST. MOVE.SCHOOLS.

Honestly they're already gaslighting you, it will only get worse (sadly I know this for a fact)

Lots and lots of other schools around. You don't even have to find one in 'catchment' you can go where you like and where has space.

I 100% believe you and your daughter. My child was horrifically bullied by her class teacher to the point she was wetting himself. She's a different child now with kind, safe adults and a nurturing environment. Ask on your local FB pages for recommendations for good schools for SEN children.

Do NOT go to any meeting on your own. They will twist eveything. You need back up.

My daughter sounds a lot like yours except she hates all teachers.
I insist on emails briefly discussing what was said in meetings as I like a paper trail.
I've also gone above the headteacher on many occasions and emailed the chair of governors.
Their details are available on the school website.

I agree with PPs. Report the abuse to the police asap and inform ofstead.