More of a WWYD re School complaint

[KnownNowNo]

As not to drip feed
And if it's too long to read - School wont reply to complaint in writing & want to discuss in person. Who do I go to to take this complaint further?

DD8 has suspected ASD/ADHD & has a referal for neuro on Friday. She has struggled with feeling overwhelmed in the classroom these last 3 years and the past 2 years school have been really supportive and put things into place so she can calm herself down ( gave her a card to raise when she was feeling overwhelmed and let her go in the sun room to calm down ect )

She has always had an lovely relationship with her teachers and before this year we have never had any reason to complain. They have genuinely gotten on and I have seen them hugging her goodbye ect and she has always spoke positively about them

This year she has been sent home 8 times due to random vomiting in school, she has not vomited at home a single time. In September I had to make a complaint as she was sent home early due to vomiting/crying and told me her teacher had ripped up her work and thrown it in the bin. She had come home many a time upset because the teacher has apparently been shouting at pupils and often makes DD redo her work

During the meeting with the headteacher the headteacher really focused on DD getting the teachers hair colour wrong, she even went as far as to get pictures of the teacher and show me her hair was brown ( DD was saying it had blonde in it )

So imagine my disbelief when I went to pick up DD and saw for myself her teacher did have blonde in her hair. I should of complained at the time but after realising that the head teacher had lied I didnt give me good faith for another complaint

Fast forward to last week, DD sent home due to vomiting 2 days in a row and on the 2nd day she got really upset and told me the teacher had asked her to redo the same piece of work 3 times and when DD refused on the 3rd time she apparently held the pencil in DDs hand forcefully on the table, DD ripped her hand away and sliced herself in the arm out of frustration with the pencil, there has been a brief "wrestle" where the teacher has tried to take the pencil off DD and succeeded. Apparently she has then told DD to the work again and DD has started to punch herself in the head and shouted she wasnt doing it again.

Apparently the teacher has then said "FINE" and got hold of DD and forcefully pulled her over to the carpet, digging her nails into DD's arm and made her sit on the carpet in time out for a few minutes

I rang school about it on Tuesday when she told me and school asked me to send it in an email. I did and the head teacher replied saying it would be investigated. On Friday the headteacher emailed asking i come in on the Monday for a meeting. I replied and said I would prefer to communicate via email and would like to be kept updated about the investigation via email

She did not reply. I emailed again yesterday asking for the 3rd time about work being sent home for DD. It has 100% been sent and all emails are in a long conversation where you can see everything sent from us and school

What would your next steps be If this was you? Clearly they have finished their investigation if they wanted me to come in Monday to discuss it and I feel like they dont want to put it in writing because they want to try and gaslight us like they did last time. I know that sounds paranoid, but that is what they did last time

What should I do now? DD has been off all week as she refuses to go back, In the first email i sent i did ask if she could transfer class as they have 2 classes for her year. One mixed one just her year.

I'm not comfortable sending her back at all to be honest, I'm looking into moving schools at this point or maybe even home schooling but they havnt dealt with the complaint efficiently nor have they sent work home when asked

I'm really stressed out by it all ( I also have ADHD although I was only diagnosed this year ) it's all really overwhelming

Sorry this has ended up so long

that sounds great and normally I would agree, but there is a SEN assessment looming and you can't just swithc that to another school and they are bloody hard to get with long waiting lists

I'm sorry that the first reply was to disbelieve you, but it does show what parents with children with SEN have to put up with 🙄

You need some support, don't put yourself in the situation where you can be outnumbered and swayed. Contact the LA SEN or Children with disabilities team and explain that you need some support to manage this situation, for best outcome for your DD. The school should have informed the LADO as there has been an allegation against a member of staff (I doubt that they have) if the school and LA are not going to play ball, your next steps are yhe police and ofsted. There doesn't need to be an injury for a common assault charge, just the threat.

The teacher that abused my son, used his EHCP to learn his trigger points to escalate a situation, who then tried to use the police against us resulting in my son trying to take his own life is still very much working as a teacher, actively looking for posts with boys with ASD. Whilst I received an apology from the chief Inspector and my complaint was upheld by the IOPC, the case had been managed so badly that he couldn't be charged. So, I'm afraid to say that it's a bit more complex and way less fair and just than you suggested.

Wow. Sorry you and your son had to go through that 😪

There is NO WAY I would be dealing with this over email. It’s so serious, it needs to be handled in person. You are thinking of moving schools without a face to face conversation with the head?

Sometimes at work I insist on a phone call or meeting as emails often resolve nothing, when clients say ‘just email’ it makes me think they can’t be bothered or are a bit timid. Talk! See what they say, respond with your thoughts, listen to what they say back. It could all be resolved in an hour rather than days / weeks of emails.

Sorry but you need to have a meeting, you need to prepare what you’re going to say, what you want the outcome to be and go a speak to them. You need to teach your daughter to handle things head on. Get it sorted with an actual conversation. What would you have done 25 years ago, written letters back and forth and posted them in a letter box?

If you look on the LA website there should be a SENDIASS service, they would be the people to ask to accompany you or to liaise with school on your behalf. School should make whatever reasonable adjustments are necessary because of your own disability. I am really sorry that this has happened to your daughter. I would move your child regardless of the outcome of any investigation as well. That this has happened and the HT is prepared to gaslight you means that your child is unlikely to be safe there going forward.
@LetMeGoogleThat it will be parents of children with SEND who know that this happens in schools and not as rarely as everyone would hope.

Have you applied for an EHCNA?

I mean if this happened there would be a huge investigation while the teacher was suspended. Why isn’t this happening? It would be an immediate safeguarding risk. No school would or could ignore an allegation like this they would have to report it and it would be out of their hands how it was dealt.

Unless it was just your daughter and the teacher in the classroom there will have been witnesses. Other children or TAs.

You’re accusing this teacher of physical assault basically and you seem to not want to engage with the school in person to deal with this?

School may have a policy of no recording but you have a disability that affects your ability to process information and equality law trumps school rules. I also have autism and ADHD and I always record meetings with school. Phone goes on the table so they know it's being done. They have never objected, they wouldn't dare, even when their failings were so bad that the police were involved.

Been in a similar situation op, schools just want to cover their backsides and gaslight parents. Cut your losses and run before they mess up your child's MH. Find a better school or even apply for an EHC needs assessment.

Also you can record meetings, as long as it's only for your own use and not shared with anyone else's you do not red to gain consent t. If they insist in a meeting take someone with you to speak up if you feel unable.

They won't put anything in writing that might make them look bad. IME schools are only worried about covering themselves of any blame.

Speaking as the mum of a daughter with ASD traits, I know you don't want to have a meeting with the school but you really do need to go in and discuss this with them. The likelihood is that you are going to have to advocate for your daughter in the future as well, so you might as well start now.

It would be a good idea to take someone in with you who will give you moral support and make sure all the points you want to cover are actually covered. However, you can do this on your own if you need to.

Here is what I suggest you do in advance. I'm in Scotland and the terminology/process can differ a bit from England but the basic approach in terms of what you need to achieve is the same.

1 Make a list of the things you want to cover in the meeting. This can include the incorrect information you were given in the past (teacher's hair colour) but you need to focus mainly on what is going wrong for your daughter and what you think needs to happen now. Think hard about what you want to happen - eg change DD into a new class, do you want educational psychologist support for your DD, does your DD already have a Plan or should one be started for her, etc?
2 Share the list with the head teacher at the beginning of the meeting, and say that you want all these points discussed.
3 Listen to what the school has to say about your DD and what they might be suggesting. Decide if you want to agree with any of their suggestions, and let them know.
4 Make a note of the meeting or record it. (Or ask the person accompanying you to do this.)
5 At the end of the meeting, run through what has been agreed and ask the school if they agree with what you understand is going to be happening, and in what timescales
6 Follow up the meeting with an email to school repeating what has been agreed.

I do agree with a PP that your daughter is at an age when many girls with ASD start struggling in school, having managed to mask up until then.

It also sounds like the teacher may have problems keeping discipline in the class - shouting, forcing children to re-do work etc. We had a similar problem when my DD was that age, and her autism made it even harder for her to deal with it. However, the school will never admit to you, a parent, that there is a problem of this kind (even if they are taking steps behind the scenes to address it) so you could waste a lot of time trying to get the school to agree that there is a problem with the teacher. What you need to do is focus on what needs to happen for your daughter.

I do think that trust has probably broken down with this school and that you would probably be best trying to get her moved to another school, but it can take a while to organise these things so, in the meantime, be focused on what you want to get out of this particular meeting. Also, it sounds like you may need to stay put at this school until her assessment takes place (although I don't think that this would be the case in Scotland).

You CAN do this!

I said I believe you as a fellow SEN mum of many years. Sadly many years of experience say it’s very likely to be exactly what you think it is. Then gaslighting by the head. Find another school after police and ofsted.

Hi

School emailed this earlier and my mum sent me a link for the LADO thing. I'm assuming the other childrens statements must match up with what my DD has said otherwise they would say there was no grounds to refer to LADO? Or am I just being hopeful?

No, statements don't necessarily need to have matched up/ be correct yet, this is fairly standard procedure when a physical allegation like this happens. LADO are the ones who'll investigate statements etc. Had a colleague go through this, it went to the CPS where it was found no case to answer, cue massive unfair dismissal lawsuit, they've now been reinstated as a teacher having been temporarily struck off though they have now, understandably, left the profession. I am NOT saying what happened to your child isn't true, merely that the school will be treading carefully and following standard procedure, and may not even have directly questioned other children in the class yet as they won't want to influence them unduly. Hope the correct outcome comes from this and your DC can begin to feel safe and happy at school again x

all allegations should be referred to LADO, if the allegation is that a child has been harmed. It is not the role of the school at that point to decide whether the allegation is true or not. The school have clearly begun the investigation, but again, that's not because they think the allegation is true, just that the allegation has been made. LADO will then advise them of the steps that need to be followed

If an allegation has been made that a member of staff has assaulted a child, LADO should always be notified.
It is poor practice to question other children, their interpretation of events can be vague at best, or 2nd or 3rd hand even.
The LADO will investigate, and may well notify the police themselves.