To ask for help (non emergency)

[Chickenkeev]

My brother is getting married this week. I love him, no issues between us but i'm a hermit (in the proper sense, not just 'oh, i'm a home bird'). I don't actually remember the last time i've seen someone other than my H, Dd or doctor. I had resigned myself to not going to the wedding, but H dug out a lovely dress for me this evening. And it's made me feel like it's a possibility all of a sudden? The venue couldn't be any closer unless it was in my front garden. So it's the perfect set up. But i'm scared of it. Scared of people. Scared of outside. Talk me down please wise ones, i really should go to the wedding. I really want to.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Avoiding situations just feeds the anxiety and makes it so much worse in the long run. You will have a lovely day catching up with family who all care about you. If need be, you can excuse yourself after the meal, but you will regret it if you don’t go.
I have horrendous anxiety, so I do understand how difficult this feels, I would happily never leave the house again, but you will miss out on so much in life if you don’t take small steps to go out.
Would the dr prescribe propranolol to help you for the day? Is DD also invited with you and DH?

Imagine how happy your brother will be. It’s close to you so you’re near your comfort zone, your DH will be there with you to lean on. You’ll feel so proud after. You even have a pretty dress! Wishing you all the strength, this could be great for you.

It sounds like it's very near your house then- could you try and go with the support of your H. I notice you haven't called him DH- is he generally supportive?
You may well be surprised and have the best time. I know it must be so scary but if your home is nearby then if you are overwhelmed you can easily return home to safety. Has to be worth a try? I'd give it a go in your shoes. There is a whole world out there and it would be a shame if you can't get out. Good luck to you!

Break it down.

You could arrive at the venue not "early" sneak in at the back watch them be married and then see how long you want to stay for?

DD is flowergirl/bridesmaid. Another reason to get my arse in gear tbh.

Exactly this.

Sometimes the anticipation of something you are feeling anxious about is worse than the actual event. Obviously I can't say that's true in your case but you might consider that it's a possibility? Give it a go, let your brother see that you are there, make it clear to your DH that if you go and are really struggling, you will need to come home. I hope you make it x

H is the most DH ever! No worries there at all (but thanks!) It's as close to my house as i could hope for, i just can't walk properly. I look shite. I want to avoid the fk out of it but it's my bro. I'm massively conflicted tbh. I look so crap, i'm afraid i'll be an embarassment, but if i don't go, i'm afraid he'll be hurt.

I was thinking of just going and staying in the back row. Might do that.

@Chickenkeev oh I'm so glad he is a DH! honestly just try with his support- sit at the back and stop being so hard on yourself- I bet you don't look crap at all! Remember all eyes will be on the bride and groom and your bro will be so pleased. Even if you just go to see him married and slink home it's an achievement- you don't have to go to the whole thing. Take the pressure off yourself.

You know what everyone is looking at the bride and also a little bit at the bridal party and groom and worrying about what they are wearing/how they look.

Seriously they don't even look at the other guests let alone consider what they are wearing!

It sounds very doable that way. And i have a dress. Just need shoes now. Thank you xxx

Don't get it in your head that you need to sit at the back, your brother will not want you to feel like you have to do that. Your DH will be with you. Just go in early and sit down, you'll be fine x

Thank you. You're all giving me much needed perspective. I really appreciate it.

This is great advice.

I wish you luck and happiness, OP, whatever you decide.

So don't look shite! Get someone to come to your house in the morning to do your hair and/or makeup. Feel confident. You have a dress, get some shoes. If your DD is a flower girl she would want her mummy to see that.

I suffer from agoraphobia. I truly understand how you feel.

Buy some Propranolol online, you just fill in a little questionnaire with an online pharmacy.
It takes away all the physical anxiety symptoms so you don't need to worry about them.

It had changed my life.
I don't go out very often, but I take this 30 mins before I do and it chills me out.
No racing heart or shaking or sweating <3

Oh bless your courageous heart! My best friends partner has this issue, very very rarely goes out, only to drop son off at school and cant do it alone. Never leaves their flat alone. But I believe in you! The only tip I can think of (similar to when Chandler is having doubts about marrying monica in friends) is take it one step at a time. So on the day of the wedding, just see it as putting the dress on. Next step is walking out the door. Next step is getting in the car/ walking to venue. Next step is walking into venue. So on and so forth. Do no think about all the steps in one go. You can so do this!

No money for that at all! Come to think of it, i have no idea where my own make up is! Jaysus but it shouldn't be this hard to go to a simple celebration. I have NO idea where the make up is!!!!

You've totally got this! There's an extra motivation here cos it's your brother so let that take over. Remember you can leave if you need to, even to just take a break & go back later (I once had to leave a conference overseas just before my panel to go have a panic attack in my hotel room. It happens!) ppl will understand & your hubby sounds really sweet & supportive.

Now go shoe shopping!! But also take some comfy ones if you have to make the journey home feeling a lil nervy 😉. Nothing like fending off panic while trying to walk in heels & your ankles are suddenly jelly.

Op can you get someone to come to the house and do your hair?

Would it help to try going to the venue before the wedding, walk however far you can manage, then the next day aim to get a bit further than yesterday?

You've got a lovely brother and SIL who've probably choosen the venue to be as stressfree for you as possible. You need to do your best to be their for your brother and wee girl.

Feel your panic attack pain my friend! But no money here for shoes or any extras. So it's whatever's in the wardrobe. But tbh, my lack of confidence is so much more than that. I'm terrified of the world outside my front door. So the wedding will be gruelling for want of a better word. I'll be so proud of myself if i can get through the ceremony. Won't manage the meal.

OP your DH has sorted you out a lovely dress, it's very near your home your DD is going to be a flower girl and along with your DB they're all going to be so proud of you.
Hook your arm through your lovely DH's and get yourself over to the venue.
You'll look fantastic and look back with no regrets at seeing your DB get married.

Have a wonderful time enjoying the celebrations.

I am scared of everyone and everything. Traumatic childhood bla bla bla but i didn't used to be this bad. I've regressed horribly for some reason. To the point that i live in my bedroom now. I don't know what's wrong with me tbh. And your post has really upset me (not a dig at you, but i hadn't really faced up to that before)

Is it expensive?