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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong

54 replies

INeedFriends · 14/11/2023 15:31

So have a family holiday booked, my sons gf has recently moved in holiday booked before she moved in. I said to my son while we are on holiday she will have to stay somewhere else for that week. (I did say she was welcome to come on holiday but they don’t want to pay for her but if I was paying wouldn’t be a problem) Now apparently according to my son I’m a bad person for kicking her out(it’s 1 week) , in my eyes he should be greatful I let her stay in the house to begin with. Both age 21 of that helps

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 14/11/2023 15:33

YABU.

Dacadactyl · 14/11/2023 15:33

No you're not wrong unless you've given her less than one month's notice to find alternative accommodation for the holiday week.

If they pay rent to stay with you, then this would complicate it. Do they pay you rent?

Shoxfordian · 14/11/2023 15:33

Why can't she stay there alone? Don't you trust her with the silver?!

SharedAccountWithMySister · 14/11/2023 15:33

I wouldn’t want an unrelated 21 year old staying in my house whilst I was out of the country either.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/11/2023 15:33

A bit more info is needed.

Did you agree to her actually moving in or just to her staying over? If so, what was agreed about the holiday before she moved in?

Does she pay rent?

Does she have anywhere else to go?

Original poster
INeedFriends · 14/11/2023 15:34

no my son pays on her behalf I’ve only known her a few months . I just don’t feel comfortable with sOmeone in my home without any family members

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 14/11/2023 15:34

So do they pay rent/bills if she has officially moved in at 21? To be honest I'd be quite pleased at someone house sitting provided they were trustworthy and not likely to burn the place down!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/11/2023 15:36

INeedFriends · 14/11/2023 15:34

no my son pays on her behalf I’ve only known her a few months . I just don’t feel comfortable with sOmeone in my home without any family members

So is he paying more rent now than he was before?

What did you agree about the holiday when you discussed her moving in?

Original poster
INeedFriends · 14/11/2023 15:36

She was only supposed to be here for. 1 month until uni started back, this was back in end of July , she’s still here, I don’t have a problem with her being here it’s just while we are in another country

OP posts:
RedCoffeeCup · 14/11/2023 15:38

Could you pay half towards the cost of her holiday, and she pays the other half? Or would that be a big stretch for you?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/11/2023 15:38

INeedFriends · 14/11/2023 15:36

She was only supposed to be here for. 1 month until uni started back, this was back in end of July , she’s still here, I don’t have a problem with her being here it’s just while we are in another country

OK, so she never actually moved in as such... you just agreed to a time-limited stay that was somehow extended without your explicit agreement?

If that's the case, I think yanbu to say that you don't want her to stay there while you're away. You haven't agreed that she can make it her home.

KrisAkabusi · 14/11/2023 15:39

INeedFriends · 14/11/2023 15:34

no my son pays on her behalf I’ve only known her a few months . I just don’t feel comfortable with sOmeone in my home without any family members

So she's never been in the house on her own?

TVaddict23 · 14/11/2023 15:40

I think YABU tbh. What do you think is going to happen? She's his girlfriend, not a stranger and she's been living there anyway.

GalileoHumpkins · 14/11/2023 15:42

What are their plans going forward, are they looking to move out and into their own place?

Dacadactyl · 14/11/2023 15:42

From reading your follow up posts YANBU then.

I also think it's a bit rich of them to expect you to fork it for her to come on the holiday? To me, that seems as though they're total pisstakers tbh.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 14/11/2023 15:42

I’d be grateful to have a housesitter.
If you don’t trust her, then she shouldn’t be staying period.

ManchesterLu · 14/11/2023 15:52

I wouldn't want her to be there alone in your situation either, but if I was her, I wouldn't WANT to be there. It would just feel weird. She/she and your son, need to sort their living arrangements out ASAP!

dammit88 · 14/11/2023 16:07

If she is living with you are think you are being unreasonable - it's her home. Where is she meant to go?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/11/2023 16:10

dammit88 · 14/11/2023 16:07

If she is living with you are think you are being unreasonable - it's her home. Where is she meant to go?

But the OP never agreed to it being the gf's home. She said that the gf could stay a month, in the summer, and the woman never left.

cannaecookrisotto · 14/11/2023 16:19

SharedAccountWithMySister · 14/11/2023 15:33

I wouldn’t want an unrelated 21 year old staying in my house whilst I was out of the country either.

Same.
I'm quite surprised so many people would tbh.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 14/11/2023 16:21

dammit88 · 14/11/2023 16:07

If she is living with you are think you are being unreasonable - it's her home. Where is she meant to go?

It's not her bloody home, not at all. She can go back to her parents, friends, or find herself a house share, not OP's problem

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/11/2023 16:24

It doesn't even matter if others would feel comfortable with it. The OP doesn't feel comfortable and it's her house. She never agreed to the gf moving in permanently so she is entitled to say that she isn't OK with this. Her house, her rules.

justalittlesnoel · 14/11/2023 16:26

If you're not comfortable with it then that's the be all and end all in my eyes!

Personally I get someone to stay in my house when we're away for safety and the pets, but it's always a family member. I wouldn't have friends do it, people who I've known longer than the GF! It's also cheeky she's still there tbh which again would make me less inclined. Surely she's got friends or family she can stay with for a week?

Spirallingdownwards · 14/11/2023 16:32

I guess it depends if you want to upset your son or not by implying you don't trust his gf. Further if they end up together as life partners it will set the tone of you being the MIL who threw her out for a week. On the basis she is already staying there, that your son obviously likes/loves her, the house won't be empty etc I would let her stay because frankly the potential long term fall out over something this trivial isn't worth it. But just set house rules if yoh are worried she will have visitors etc.

Pinkelephant66 · 14/11/2023 16:34

Where was she living before? Surely she must have friends or family she could stay with. I wouldnt have felt comfortable staying alone in my bfs house whilst he and his family were on holiday! Very strange. The cheek of expecting you to pay as well! Some people baffle me!

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