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Original poster

To fear the worst?

48 replies

Lewys156 · 14/11/2023 12:20

Hiya all, hope this thread is okay to post here. My grandson is 19 and has been with his girlfriend of the same age for about 4 months now; she is a very kind and pretty girl, and they're obviously happy together which is amazing. This weekend coming they are going away to Scotland, which we've known for a few weeks.

However, this morning our neighbour in her 80s (who my grandson is close to and supports as she suffers from early stage dementia) accidentally let slip to me that they're going to Gretna Green, which they hadn't told us and obviously rang alarm bells for all of us. I asked my grandson straight out about this, in case our neighbour had gotten confused; he admitted this is correct, but insists that they're only going for a week's holiday there and are not intending to elope. Despite this reassurance, I'm still thinking the worst due to the reputation of the place for 'runaway weddings'. Obviously they're both adults so can do what they want, but we all fear it's too soon. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Quickredfox · 14/11/2023 12:22

Your family has had good luck if that is your ‘worst’.

BarnacleBeasley · 14/11/2023 12:23

Um, I'm pretty sure you have to give notice to the registrars to get married at Gretna Green just like anywhere else these days. It only used to be popular for elopements because it was easier to get married in Scotland and Gretna was the nearest place to do it.

Emeraldsanddiamonds · 14/11/2023 12:25

I don't think people really elope to Gretna Green any more to leap over a blacksmith's anvil or whatever else they were meant to do. I am sure the law is the same there now as the rest of Scotland.

Moominmoko · 14/11/2023 12:25

If she is kind and they are happy it surely wouldn't be the worst thing! Okay, it's quick but worst case scenario it doesn't work out they get a divorce. Hardly the end of the world!

I'd say just mind your own business and let the man live his life how he wants without judgement.

LBFseBrom · 14/11/2023 12:27

Quickredfox · 14/11/2023 12:22

Your family has had good luck if that is your ‘worst’.

Well said!

Op, I doubt they will marry while they are up there, many people go and see Gretna Green Register office (my parents did whilst on holiday).

However, if they do come back married, though they are young and haven't been together long, there are people who do that and live happily ever after. My neighbour married at 18 and that is still going strong fifty+ years later.

There's nothing you can do about it anyway, they are both of age.

Come back and tell us what happens, please.

fourelementary · 14/11/2023 12:27

They’re over 18 so could get married any time they like. It was a good elopement place previously as Scottish law allowed marriage from 16 without parental consent.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 14/11/2023 12:29

To fear the worst

sorry, but you must lead a charmed life for that be be 'the worst'

and to use it as your title is incredibly insensitive.

whilst getting married at 19 probably isn't ideal (it does work out for some), it's not life threatening.

i think you need to google 'getting married at Gretna Green' to put your mind at rest. But there's nothing to stop them getting married where they live anyway.

GoodOldEmmaNess · 14/11/2023 12:30

Unless the girlfriend is Lydia Bennett and you are from the nineteenth century I'm not sure why Gretna Green would be the biggest red flag for possible elopement.

DiverseButters · 14/11/2023 12:30

I thought this was going to be about someone dying, or being diagnosed with an awful illness!

It's just a bloody elopement.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/11/2023 12:30

I don’t really see why this is such a disaster if you like her and they are happy?

I mean 19 is VERY young and I wouldn’t be thrilled if a child or grandchild of mine settled down that young but there are far worse scenarios.

The title of your post made it sound as if someone had a life limiting illness…

GiveOverRover · 14/11/2023 12:33

You said yourself the person you got this information from has early stage dementia. People only really eloped to Gretna Green in secret so they could get married and get their leg over, those days are long gone.

Don't panic.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 14/11/2023 12:38

The worst?

And no, Gretna Green caught up a long time ago and 29 days' notice is needed, although I suppose it's possible they've done that. Even in Vegas, although you can still decide to get married that day, you now need to apply for your licence online and collect it before walking into a venue.

MidnightOnceMore · 14/11/2023 12:40

Nothing you can do about it if they do.

PianPianPiano · 14/11/2023 12:43

They could get married in your local registry office - why would they need to 'elope'?

Redannie118 · 14/11/2023 12:44

I went to a wedding in Gretna green a few years ago. People travel from all over the world to marry there and pretty much all the venues have a waiting list of well over 12 months. They would get married a lot quicker at their local civil registry. You really have nothing to worry about OP.

MermaidEyes · 14/11/2023 12:48

PianPianPiano · 14/11/2023 12:43

They could get married in your local registry office - why would they need to 'elope'?

This. Tbh teenagers nowadays are less interested in marriage than they've ever been so it's highly unlikely. More and more young couples just choose to live together with no major commitments.

mumto2teenagers · 14/11/2023 12:50

If they are both 19 why would they want to elope, as you say they are both adults so could get married anywhere without needing permission.

And how is this the 'worst' as you put it, even if you think it's too soon for them to get married, weddings are a happy occasion. I met DH when I was 19 and although we didn't get married until a couple of years later, we moved in together after 3 months and got engaged 6 months later, been married 25 years now and still going strong.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 14/11/2023 12:52

Why the 'worst'?

PastorCarrBonarra · 14/11/2023 12:52

Try to get it into perspective OP. This is unlikely to be happening and if it did it would not be “the worst” thing. Unless you feel he’s particularly vulnerable, or he has inherited wealth and you worry about her motives.

ManateeFair · 14/11/2023 12:52

The reason that people from England used to run away to Gretna Green to get married was simply because there used to be different laws about the age you could marry. In England, if you wanted to get married below the age of 21 you had to have your parents' (or more likely just your father's) permission, and the wedding had to be a church. In Scotland, you didn't need parental permission and you didn't need a church ceremony or advance notice; you could get married on the spot provided you had two witnesses. So couples under 21 whose parents didn't want them to marry would elope and cross the border into Scotland where they didn't need permission. Gretna was basically just the first village over the Scottlish border on the main road from London.

These days, you only need to be 18 to get married and your grandson, at 19, can get married anywhere if he gives notice. He would not need to go to Gretna to do it in secret. And I'm pretty sure that these days you can't get married 'on the spot' any more. You have to give notice of the marriage in advance, etc.

And if he has somehow conspired to get married in secret for some reason, it's really not the end of the world to be honest. Yes, they're really young and it's probably a daft idea but a no-fault divorce is cheap to obtain these days and it's not going to ruin his life, so I wouldn't worry about it.

GwenGhost · 14/11/2023 12:53

It actually doesn’t matter that much if young adults get married, it doesn’t work out, and split and divorce 2 or 3 years later. It’s a bit of a headache with paperwork but a divorce with no assets is very straightforward compared to two 50 year olds with teenager kids, a history of one parent or the other taking time off/moving around to support the other’s career, significant pensions, a house purchase etc etc.
Two twenty-two year olds who rented together for a couple of years and who have a couple of grand in a rainy-day fund but not much else + their whole working lives to build up their careers without their ex-spouse? No comparison.

KrisAkabusi · 14/11/2023 12:54

How many 18 year olds even think about getting married these days? Even if they did, it's hardly the worst that could happen. Stop worrying.

Tretchikoff · 14/11/2023 13:08

A week in Gretna Green!!
They'll be struggling there. There's a pub, houses and an outlet village.
Nice enough for an afternoon but definitely not a week.

WellDuh · 14/11/2023 13:10

I looked into going to Gretna to get married a few years ago..,,the wait was huge, around 18 months before a date could be booked. Unless they managed to get a last minute cancellation I doubt they've got anything booked in such a short time.

F1ymetothetoon · 14/11/2023 13:18

Drama llama