Would you buy manager a birthday gift?

[Eleanorfenton]

Been in my current job 3 months and I have an amazing manager who has Supported me through everything. I have already given £5 in our teams money collection. But wanted to send a gift card or something to her just from me. Am I ok to do this or is it too much?

My husband's work always do a collection. Couple of quid , person feels appreciated with Amazon voucher. Nobody is made to donate and you can sign card without donating.

If your manager was also your friend outside of work, then buying a gift would be fine

As you've only been working for her/him for three months, that isn't the case

If you buy a gift it will look weird and kiss arse, I think, but if you insist on doing it, keep it very low key. A card and a muffin to eat with morning coffee might be low key enough

I wouldn't like it as it would make me feel I had to buy you a gift on your birthday. Then I couldn't just give you a gift on your birthday but everyone else I managed to, otherwise I would be in HR for favouritism. The whole thing would just be really stressful for me, just stick with the group gift.

If it was a friend also outside of work, then you wouldn't do the 'friendship gift' at work. Do it when you meet as friends.

They do a birthday collection for everyone every year? What a waste of time. Must be a small office.

Absolutely not. As a PP had said, they are your manager not your friend. They are supposed to be supportive of you, they are just doing their job. Don't be OTT about it.

Weird and lovely are not mutually exclusive though. 😊 I would take it as the lovely gesture it was intended to be, but I would also think OP was quite the oddball. This is definitely not the done thing, managers are supposed to be nice and supportive, it is doing the job.

It would be too much. Just participate to the group gift.

While in general I'm a bit supporter of gifts flow down, not up. Maybe sometimes when you're picking up a coffee yourself you can ask if you can get your manager a coffee as well as a thank you (im assuming she's gone above and beyond her duties). But not make it a gift or about birthday.

You’re not weird! There really is no etiquette around workplace gifts. If one of my team bought me a birthday present, I’d be really touched.

A card would be nice, although entirely unnecessary and still might be a bit cringe from someone 3 months in - what if you fail probation? Look like you are buying your way in?

Mind you, even buying the manager a gift from the team is a bit odd in itself - is that how you have to act at work for things to run smoothly? As others said, gifts usually flow down.

I wouldn’t get into personal gift-giving with a manger. This thread is bringing back long-buried anxiety over a manager gift scenario I had; my manager bought me a very generous gift for a significant birthday which gave rise to an immediate quandary over how or even whether to reciprocate for theirs, which was later that year. I ended up doing a compromise and buying something that was substantial but not as expensive. To this day I don’t know if a gift was the right thing to do at all and, if so, if I pitched it right. Honestly, I’d rather have not had the gift myself.

This situation is a bit easier as it’s a token gift, but even so my advice would be not to do it. Collections are the way to go and only then for significant events.

What strange responses!

OP, it’s totally normal to buy your manager a birthday present in my line of work.

My manager is on £150k minimum but I still get them birthday and Christmas presents of around £5-10, as well as for my other close colleague. It’s not about the money, it’s the thought behind it.

I think some MNers have very draconian attitudes to work. I would be led by your workplace culture.

Why is is strange? You've said yourself, it's led by workplace culture, which differs from organisation to organisation.

I, too, get my manager Christmas gifts, along with my senior admin but not my wider team of direct reports. Not birthday presents but I've given individual gifts for particular reasons over the years.

I used to get many people gifts - it was a silly decision by me, though well-meant. I simply hadn't the money, but wanted to do something nice for people.

I would be a bit quizzical at you spending money on small gifts for a manager on so much money, especially at birthday time. If it's about the thought, wishing them HB or going for coffee is achieving the same.

Take her for coffee and cake 🍰. Anything else is too much and a bit strange.

Personally, I wouldn't really want my team to start buying me gifts but a card with a nice message about how much you appreciate her support would be lovely! Or even just an email saying the same!

You are all a bit weird with this. I am a manager and wouldn't mind at all if one of my team gave me a card and a small gift for my birthday. I do the same where appropriate to my team. Obviously it must depend on the working environment, but if I want to buy someone a gift or card, I really don't care where they are in the hierarchy.

No I I wouldn’t buy a gift for a manager. I would contribute to a group collection for birthday, marriage etc but definitely not buy a personal gift for them. I think it’s best to keep your work place relationships professional, it could put your manager in an awkward position and to be honest it will make you look like a kiss arse. I know lots of people fawning over the boss with little gifts, chocolates, cards, even expensive perfume at Christmas to try to get in her good books.

I wouldn't. Get her a coffee and leave it on her desk if you want but a separate gift is a bit much.

You're generous for wanting to do it though, I was begrudged to contribute to a team collection when I was a PA once. I earnt 21k, no bonuses, and the guy I assisted earnt 130k. No I do not want to put in his collection!!

When I was a manager some of my lovely staff would buy me a birthday gift, a little bunch of flowers or chocolates.

I expect you'll be asked to sign the card, someone will come round with it, so just write in your thank you for your support in briefly as you can there. eg Happy Birthday! Thank you for being so supportive, I am really enjoying being part of your team!

Totally normal to buy a small gift for a colleague or manager!

However, you're quite new op, so I'd keep it to a card. That's the only part that's OTT. Of your been there for 6 months + then a little present is ok.

Some people have a mindset of being too good to socialise and be friendly at work. If you have a nice workplace environment where people actually get on, this is not abnormal.

We all buy our manager individual presents for birthday an Christmas. However they buy us Christmas and birthday presents. A lot of thought goes into them.

People aren't weird for having a different view.

I agree, there's nothing inherently wrong with buying anyone a gift. (I buy my own manager a gift for Christmas, I buy my team members gifts on occasion). Birthdays are a bit different - you'll need to do it for everyone if you do it for one.

However OP was doing so in appreciation of her being a good manager and in addition to a group present.

That's definitely OTT and problematic in motivation. Her manager is doing a good job? Well, thank her & let her know. And if there's a group present, an individual gift is too much.

That's unusual. You all do it? For birthdays?

I think it works for Christmas because it's not a 'personal' event & is often a natural pause in the work year where it's an opportunity to thank colleagues for their hard work / a manager for being supportive & so on.

What's strange is the unequivocal nature of people's posts e.g. 'absolutely not', ;brown'nose' 'odd' etc, to the point they've made OP feel like a weirdo.

They're small gifts for a reason, they show you think of them but that you're not placing yourself in hardship by buying e.g. a £50 present.