in a divorce with 50:50 split of SEND teen, one partner can't move v far away right?

[searchandrescue]

We live in an expensive city, one of us is retired we are thinking about a divorce. If we do divorce and sell the house we could buy two flats in our neighbourhood, however one partner would understandably rather retire somewhere cheaper. How does that work? Our teen has SEND and can't take a local bus alone, never mind a long distance train but retiree can't be forced to stay in city. What happens in cases like this?

AIBU to think retiree can't just relocate 50% of a teenager, or force divorce partner to follow them to new location?

I think if you couldn't reach an agreement it would go could court and the judge would consider the best interests of the teen (and depending on capacity would consider their wishes). If still in school, I'd imagine the parent staying put would get custody in term time and the other parent holidays or weekends.

What do you mea 50/50 split?

Shared custody which is 50/50?

You make the child sound like a finance deal

It doesnt have to be (and wouldnt work) if the two parents move far apart so the time that the child would have with each parent would obviouisly be decided on around the child's needs. The child would presumably need to be with one parent more than the other so that travel and disruption (because of the distance) is minimised

Both parents would need to commit to taxi fares or driving (given the child cant use public transport you say) so that their time with each parent is effective and positive.

In this situation, I'd presume the parent proposing to move away isn't actually interested in a 50:50 schedule.

yeah, my phrasing is not great sorry, i meant shared custody

I've only seen a divorce with shared custody in which the split 50:50 split of time is done within each week, but i guess you could in theory have 6 months with one parent and 6 months with the other, although obviously that would be really bad

It would I suspect not be 50/50 as that would mean staying where the teenager is

travel EOW and a larger proportion of holidays

Ive never heard of 6 months with one parent and 6 with another that would be quite absurd.

Its normally splits within the week or weekend if the parents are able to work that and live close enough together for school not to be disrupted

Or term time vs holiday times with weekends

Or not quite 50/50 because children cant split themselves in half!!!

If its not 50/50 that that leaves more flexibility for weekends vs week or 4 days at a time etc.

Are you in England?

Generally speaking I think it would be assumed that as the retiree has chosen to relocate away from the child & their settled life, school etc, that they would have less contact with the child.

I can’t see how 6 months in each location would work. What about the teens activities and friendships? I doubt that proposal would be endorsed by a court if it came to it.

Whichever parent decided to move would get EOW and holidays. The focus will always be on the needs and wishes of the child.

How old is your child, and what do they currently do- school, work. You can't force someone to stay close or to parent. If the other person wants to move somewhere, and it becomes too difficult for your child to travel there or they don't want to, there is bigger all that can be done. Does teenage child want to travel between houses?

A kid can't spend 6 months in one place and 6 months in another- that would be hugely disruptive and wouldn't result in a close relationship with either parent.

50/50 only works if the parents live close by and are very co-operative

If one wants to move away 50/50 is out.

But anyway your teenager can decide how they want to split it - the court won’t impose anything on them at that age

No you could not split it by 6 months - no court, and no school for that matter would allow it.

Get a grip on yourself - your child isn’t you record collection

My ex has moved hundreds of miles away.. his loss.. he doesn’t get to see his son…

50/50 doesn’t seem in the child’s best interest if one parent lives too far away for school/college. It’s not about the parents wishes, it’s what works for the child’s needs.
A possible would be weeks at home and weekend out of town but there are social implications to that.
Does the DC know about the split? What would work best for them on a practical level?

What age of teen?
Still at school?
How far away are you talking?

You are not being unreasonable to think a 50/50 arrangement won't work in your circumstances.

How old is the kid?

how far does the retiree want to move?

You have to live close by. I certainly wouldn’t have signed up for my child living somewhere else for 6 months at a time and wouldn’t work anyway with school. I want to move back to the north, where I can buy a house. I’ve been living where I am for 12yrs now since the split, and have 3 to go until my youngest is 18 and I can go. It’s just something you do when you’re a parent, your decisions just aren’t based on your own wants and needs.

Thanks for all the input.

I really have no intention of suggesting 6 month swap - it was just an example.

Teenager is 13 and not currently in school. EHCP in progress. Not sure where retiree would move to. There's nowhere obvious with a support network of family or friends.

It's possible that teenager might choose to move with retiree who has all the time in the world to home school/unschool. The other parent does not think that would be in child's best interests.

If we can't agree would this have to be resolved in expensive law courts. Any idea how much that would cost?

Do both want 50/50? Are things 50/50 atm or is one person currently the main carer?

retiree puts a lot of time in since retiring and is like a best friend, but other parent does all the cooking, personal, education and health admin etc. also puts in a lot of social time in around all of the that. I guess that's quite well split, but each parent contributes something quite different

I'd suggest the one who does most of the caring currently takes a step back and has a bit of a rest. Let the other parent do the hard parts then sweep in and disney mum them on every other weekend.

Do they both want 50/50 going forward? There’s a big difference being a best mate and doing 100% of everything, including the grunt work, 50% of the time

What is the one that wants to move away actually suggesting with regard to the child?

I believe retiree wants as much custody as possible but likely hasn't thought about practicalities

A far far cheaper alternative to court would be for the not-retiree parent to propose that they do 50/50 in the current house with one week on one week off.
Go away for the off weeks and completely drop the rope. No food shop, cooking, washing, ironing, bag packing, floor hoovering etc.
Very likely to result in retiree parent being much more amenable to a 70/30 split….