in a divorce with 50:50 split of SEND teen, one partner can't move v far away right?

[searchandrescue]

We live in an expensive city, one of us is retired we are thinking about a divorce. If we do divorce and sell the house we could buy two flats in our neighbourhood, however one partner would understandably rather retire somewhere cheaper. How does that work? Our teen has SEND and can't take a local bus alone, never mind a long distance train but retiree can't be forced to stay in city. What happens in cases like this?

AIBU to think retiree can't just relocate 50% of a teenager, or force divorce partner to follow them to new location?

I think this couple needs to not get divorced, unless there is abuse.

As the child is 13, they will get an opinion as to where they live. Going out in a limb here- dad has retired and they now spend all day that's her since the 13 yr old doesn't go to school. Mum works all day, but still has all the family household stuff to do, cooking, etc- does he at least keep the house tidy? If he chooses to move to somewhere else and your kid wants to go to- then there is very little you can do, except move there too, or accept a weekend arrangement with your kid. 50/50 will not automatically be given, it'll depend on what the child wants too.

If we can't agree would this have to be resolved in expensive law courts. Any idea how much that would cost?

I'd do some research on the process of divorce so you've got a bit of a clearer idea of the process. In simple terms it's the ending of the marriage contract. As part of that, assets are divided, this doesn't include your children.

There is then the practical matter of where your child is going to live and when. This is decided between the parents ideally. If it can't be decided, ie if one of the parents will not allow the other to see the child, then it might be the case that the parent that is being prevented from seeing the child takes the "resident" parent to court in order to get an order which states when and where they can see the child, a court order.

If one of the parents decide to move far away, this will mean that they are effectively opting out of more parenting than their move will practically allow, and it would be unlikely to get a court order stating they were not allowed to move house, although it might be possible.

Going to court is not necessarily expensive, solicitors bills can be if a decision cannot be reached.

Information is power, get some more facts under your belt before you make any decisions.

Have you ever thought about buying 1 house that can split easily into 2 flats? Or a similar solution? If you have a child that has that degree of need then for all of those involveds sanity and mental health it would be in your best interests to make life as easy as possible as it’s not like you will be getting lots of free time once that child becomes an adult.

@VanityDiesHard yes, i don't think there can ever be a real separation - there'll always be negotiations over care etc, married or not
@volunteersruz good idea, could actually reshuffle things a bit and life separately in current house and save a lot of expense.
@SD1978 i'd hope to avoid asking 13 year old to choose between parents, he'd find it really traumatic
@PosterBoy thanks for that thought! There must be definitely be worse things than being part time disney mum. Maybe the arrangement would be good for all of us.

Why are you writing in the third person? It's very painful to read.

I would avoid the family courts if you can, they are notoriously unpredictable and neither cafcass or the judges are expected to have any training or knowledge of child development/special needs.

And the wishes of a teen will be given a reasonable amount of weight.