To not be able to get passed horrible joke friend made?

[seikoo]

There’s a 10 year age gap between me and two friends (met at work in same job). They are mid-20s and I’m mid-30s. We have a lot in common and just have a laugh together.

One evening we were at one of their having dinner and she made a joke that I was a p word because I hang out with them.

It genuinely upset and I think I should distance myself from them.

”The P word” usually refers to a racist slur against Asian people, so I was initially thinking they were saying something about you having Asian friends. But if it was ‘paedophile’ and it was a joke about the age difference between you and themselves, it just sounds like a joke to me. I think without actually being there and hearing the tone and context, it’s hard to say how it was meant, but you seem to be overreacting a bit.

Another intellectually stimulating evening around at Sally's then...

That person is an idiot and doesn't know what paedophile actually means, or they were just trying to make an edgy joke that fell flat.

My best friend is 9 years older than me, and another is the same age as my mum. I am seeing a guy that is 9 years older than me. I guess that means I am being groomed too... in my 40s 😂

I would just let it go over your head. It was a crap joke... nothing more.

Ah. So this "friend" has already started to feel insecure about her own age (!) so she makes an issue of YOUR age...

Is this person insecure in other ways, especially when you're all out as a group?

I think it's a weak 'joke' and tbh I wouldn't want to hang out with that individual so much because once someone starts picking on another person in order to boost their own self esteem then it tends to turn into a waiting game for them to do it again.

But then I don't have a huge bunch of friends so I might not the best judge.

Erm, you’re overreacting. I’d have just said “Hate to break it to you, but you aren’t twelve anymore, check out your wrinkles next time you brush your teeth!”

But what would have pissed me off is that whoever said it seems to be trying to make you feel like the odd one out.

Or give her a slow look up and down and then say “Don’t worry, you’re quite safe from me…”

@seikoo

Ditch these 'friends.' Stupid fecking comment. I am nearly 50 and have friends ranging from age 29 to 69. The younger ones are young enough to be my children. The older ones old enough to be my parents. Age means shit-all. If my 29 y.o. friend said I am a 'P-word' because I am a generation older then them, I would wonder if they were quite well, and if there was something wrong with them, because it's a freaky thing to say. I would certainly be giving them a wide berth!

It just sounds like a stupid joke to tease you about hanging around with younger people. If they’re normally fine and nice I wouldn’t think twice about it. I think taking a silly thing someone said and examining it like this often makes it look worse. You’re putting a lot more thought and motive into it than they did.

Are you all female,? It's rather an odd insult

Imagine hanging out with a pensioner 😂

They're immature. You need to choose whether you can handle displays of that immaturity. I wouldn't have like that either, they think of you as old for starters.

Oh come on, you knew very well what it meant

If it's just the once, it's not a big deal.

If there have been other (negative) hints that you're 'too old' to hang out with them, then maybe it's an issue. And you're very upset about it, so maybe it's hit a nerve.

However, don't go looking for problems where there really aren't any. Maybe your friendship dynamic does hinge off you being older than them, and that's why you all gel.

People‘jokingly’ say what they really think
maybe they see the relationship differently to you
mabe it’s a clumsy way of saying the age gap bothers them or they’re not that bothered about being friends with you

I don’t think that whether or not it was meant literally is the issue.

It’s just a horrible thing to say about a supposed friend.
It shows either contempt for the OP, or an inappropriately lighthearted and casual attitude about paedophiles.

I mean in what possible world is it a genuinely funny ‘joke’?

So I would tell the friend that said it how upset you are OP, and see what she says. If it was one of those foot-in-mouth moments where the words came out before her brain engaged after a glass or two, try to move on. But if she is defiant or tries to defend the comment, I would back away.

Maybe stop hanging out with them

😂😂😂

It's a joke. Many friends have jokey relationships. It's obviously not true, therefore it would suggest it wasn't meant to hurt, just playful.

And come on, they made a joke and now you think they have a casual attitude towards paedophiles? Not everyone has to frown and cry at everything dark or inappropriate. I'd want my friends to tell me if they had this sensitive attitude to everything so I could make new friends

I didn't. I have never come across the word paedophile could be censored. I thought she initially meant p word as a racist equivalent of the n word.

OP personally I think you are being a little uptight. If they are nice people that you like hanging out with them this is just a silly joke. If they aren't nice it doesn't matter as you should not hang out with them.

My partner is a decade older than me and we both regularly make jokes about him being a cradle snatcher, growing up without electricity (he definitely didn't), having to stand for oil paintings.

Probably wouldn't use the word pedophile because it doesn't have comedic power in the same way and joke would fall flat.

Well you clearly have a different sense of humour to me and the OP. What other things do you think it’s funny to call your friends?

These things don’t have to be true to be offensive. If it’s a ‘joke’ then it's a shite joke, the person it’s aimed at didn't find it funny and neither do I.

Clearly! Thank goodness we choose our friends!

I'm in my 20s, ita definitely a word that is thrown about in a jokey context amongst people my age and younger. " milk first in tea? Definitely needs their hard drive looking at" it's constant. It isn't a word I use I find it repulsive to joke about however they probably didn't mean it maliciously it seems to be a thing now days to call people.

This,being an arse to you to make herself feel better.