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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to get passed horrible joke friend made?

77 replies

seikoo · 12/11/2023 18:36

There’s a 10 year age gap between me and two friends (met at work in same job). They are mid-20s and I’m mid-30s. We have a lot in common and just have a laugh together.

One evening we were at one of their having dinner and she made a joke that I was a p word because I hang out with them.

It genuinely upset and I think I should distance myself from them.

OP posts:
CardamomGarden · 12/11/2023 18:46

This would bother me too. They obviously think the age difference is a ‘thing’ and, while they don’t literally think you’re a paedophile, I wouldn’t like the implication that there was something a bit off about me hanging around with them. It’s also utterly childish.

I had a younger friend at work who jokingly referred to me and another colleague as ‘the parents’ and made out we were competing as to who got to adopt him. Well, I put him straight on that! I don’t think I’d have been so forgiving if he’d used a different ‘p-word’!

mrlistersgelfbride · 12/11/2023 18:46

They are immature dickheads.

ExtraOnions · 12/11/2023 18:46

It is a joke … I’m 51 my Husband is 60 … I sometimes accuse him of Grooming me if he’s being nice

Original poster
seikoo · 12/11/2023 18:46

Whiteday · 12/11/2023 18:42

Oh give over! Silly "joke" but I assume you know what a pedophile actually is?

If not, then google it!

What are you on about?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 12/11/2023 18:47

One evening we were at one of their having dinner and she made a joke that I was a p word because I hang out with them.

Is there a word missing there? Were you at a friend of your friends having dinner and it's their friend who said to you? Are your friends male? Does this person fancy one of them?

I don't know that I could summon up the energy to be hurt or annoyed at such a stupid 'joke'.

BrimfulOfMash · 12/11/2023 18:48

Too silly to take seriously.

Are they usually fine or do they say stuff like this a lot?

Fannyfiggs · 12/11/2023 18:51

They're idiots.

Tell them if you were a paedophile that they would be safe cos they're too old, thick and ugly!

YoureALizardHarry11 · 12/11/2023 18:52

As pp said, there’s an implication that you’re odd for hanging around with them. I’d say something like, ‘’Yeah, I must be mad to want you two as mates, I’m usually much more discerning and pick people with much more maturity’’ 🤣 I wouldn’t like it at all, they sound like twats.

mrlistersgelfbride · 12/11/2023 18:53

Butchyrestingface · 12/11/2023 18:47

One evening we were at one of their having dinner and she made a joke that I was a p word because I hang out with them.

Is there a word missing there? Were you at a friend of your friends having dinner and it's their friend who said to you? Are your friends male? Does this person fancy one of them?

I don't know that I could summon up the energy to be hurt or annoyed at such a stupid 'joke'.

I took it just to mean she was at one of the 20somethings houses having dinner and they called her 'p word' as she's friends with them?

Doggymummar · 12/11/2023 18:55

TudorBeckham · 12/11/2023 18:45

I presume she meant she’s a paedophile because she hangs out with the two younger women.

Yes, it’s a horrible joke and seems designed to make you feel uncomfortable and different. It’s also a bit pathetic that she can’t have a friend of a different age without making a thing of it. I’d probably withdraw.

Show quote history

Oh wow I would never made that leap. I guess they don't want her hanging with them then.

Minniemouse85 · 12/11/2023 18:59

I wouldn’t like that either op. I have some friends who I go out with who have kids in the same class as my dd. I’m 38 they are 28 and 30. I would not like that if one of them made the same comment.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/11/2023 19:03

I don't know why people are being so mean, I would also be upset to be called a paedophile Confused. I'd probably distance myself if someone said that to me. Friends don't make offensive comments to one another IMO.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/11/2023 19:04

I don’t blame you for being upset OP, I would be too.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 12/11/2023 19:05

If you can't get past it, that's a you problem. It was a joke, granted a stupendously dumb joke but did you really think they were calling you an actual paedophile?

HikingforScenery · 12/11/2023 19:07

Yeah, it’s not funny at all.
Is stop hanging out with them too, tbh

LakeTiticaca · 12/11/2023 19:08

A clumsy attempt at a joke. I wouldn't be too happy and would probably look for some friends who are a bit more mature

Atethehalloweenchocs · 12/11/2023 19:08

Oh no - this would be a complete deal breaker for me. Not surprised you were upset. Would they be open to discussion? May be able to do that first?

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 12/11/2023 19:09

What did you say when they said that?

CoalTit · 12/11/2023 19:11

YANBU. That would give me the creeps, too.

Strugglingtodomybest · 12/11/2023 19:16

It genuinely upset and I think I should distance myself from them.

If that's the way you feel, that's the way you feel, I'm not really sure why you're asking if YABU?

It wouldn't bother me, but I'm not you and you are entitled to feel how you do about it.

Testina · 12/11/2023 19:17

It’s a really stupid and not funny joke. But it’s in no way really on the edge.
If you were a 26yo female hanging out with two 16yo’s and someone else said it, it would be particularly rude.
But you’re all way beyond that line, and it came from one of them.
Odd reaction to ditch them both?
How about you just say, “hey, I really didn’t like that comment, it’s not a word I’m comfortable joking around” and then just getting on with the friendship?

Whalewatchers · 12/11/2023 19:20

I'd say they were trying to be funny but the 'joke' fell flat on its face. If they are nice apart from this one slip up, I'd try and move on and forget about it. I'm sure no malice was meant.

supersop60 · 12/11/2023 19:35

I'm sure they thought they were joking.
Unfortunately, they are too immature to realise it's not a funny subject.
I'd be stepping back.

CommonOrNot · 12/11/2023 19:39

My mind went to somewhere completely different with “p word” and “hanging out with them” and was about to be absolutely outraged. Then I read what you meant and Yabu and touchy.

AmazingSnakeHead · 12/11/2023 19:40

A lot of my friends when I was mid twenties were older (friends I met through pregnancy and baby groups mainly ). I would never ever say something like that. Wouldn't enter my head.