To tell DD to just walk out of her lesson?

[Shishh]

DD is in high-school.

She is under assessment waiting list for Autism by CAHMS. School is generally very supportive.
She has counselling in school weekly because of past trauma.

Her confidence is very, very low and she has genuine communication issues.

She finds it very hard to use her voice and every parents evening it's the same thing "Lovely girl, smart, does her homework but needs to work on speaking up in class as she's way too quiet and lacks confidence" Some teachers said they have never heard her speak!

DD has been quiet all weekend. I finally got it out of her that she needs to do a presentation in media studies, to another class.

She's been sobbing her heart out.

I said I would ring the teacher tomorrow to talk about it but DD said she's not actually in tomorrow, which makes little sense if it's the day of the presentation??

They have a different teacher on Mondays and could be anyone she said.

I said I would ring the head of year but shes extremely busy and sometimes you can't get hold of her same day.

I told DD that if I can't speak to anyone by the time the lesson starts tomorrow to just go to the office and ask them to ring me.

I understand kids sometimes have to do things they don't want to do. But it's much deeper than tha with DD and I'm worried about it setting her back in general.

AIBU to just tell her to not go to the lesson if I haven't managed to sort anything out before hand? Like her being able to do the presentation 1 on 1 with a teacher or for some of her close friends?

@cansu Walking out of the lesson would be ridiculous, dramatic and would likely cause her more distress.

In your opinion, which I find found insulting and rude. It's not personal my child as the thread is about op's child. The only thing I was "trying" to do is give support. Sorry about your child being sectioned, having gone through that I'd expect a bit more understanding and empathy but hey ho that's just my opinion

Op I know you've sorted it now but I just wanted to add that I had this issue once about a presentation in year 8 or 9.

I felt sick with anxiety over it for about a week.
My mum let me stay off and I can still remember the immense relief I felt at not having to do it.

I turned out fine, I regularly present to large groups of people at work and don't feel a hint of anxiety about it.

You did the right thing

This idea which seems to come about for certain children of giving a presentation 'just to the teacher' is quite ridiculous.

Giving a presentation is speaking to a wide ranging audience, usually to tell them things they don't already know. If that really can't be done.for medical or neurodevelopmental reasons, even having been taught how, supporting to write something good, and having practised and prepared for, then 'doing it' to a nice little group of friends isn't really 'doing it' at all.

I’m so sorry to hear this OP. Why do we force children to do things they don’t want to?

We don’t force adults to. If you don’t want to do presentations, you get a job where you don’t have to do them.

If you can't understand that ND children need allowances made for them in mainstream schooling then I really don't think your opinion matters much as you obviously have a limited thought capability.

Additional support to achieve the same outcome is great, allowances to attain less is not equal or good enough for any child.

It depends if a presentation is a mode of demonstrating knowledge or the actual skill being developed. If understanding of an idea can be shown through writing or in a different environment, then that's one thing. If speaking to suit purpose and audience, with appropriate register, language, volume, eye contact and gesture etc is what needs to be learned, avoiding it and opting out is widening the disadvantage.

You obviously know nothing about Autism.

I really wish MN had a block button 🙄

I really wish MN had a block button 🙄

I was just about to say this. Sometimes I long for a block option on here.

It's so frustrating dealing with these people. Absolutely clueless.

Did you actually read the OP’s posts ?
Op’s daughter is autistic. It’s not as simple as just teach or learn eye contact and gestures for presentations.

Doing it to a smaller group is a ‘reasonable adjustment’ due to additional needs and happens quite often in schools.

As part of my DD’s English course they had to give an oral presentation but the teacher found ways for Dd to do it without having to do much talking (slides, recording herself talking for segments in private and playing them back in the presentation etc. ) as that was one of her difficulties being autistic.

Some people also haven't read what's said before they don't agree or like posts and want to block others.

I completely understand and accept adjustments, but adjustments are small changes to the original, not a complete change to the fundamental skill.

I maintain that if autism prevents someone from presenting to a large group with eye contact and gesture, unfortunately, that can't just be changed. However, my take on it is that saying they are capable of having a one on one conversation with a teacher is in no way relevant or equivalent.

It's not so much an adjustment to the task to allow the same learning, such as using a keyboard or scribe where fine motor skills are underdeveloped, or a hearing aid where a pupil is impaired, to say a child doesn't have to present in front of an audience when the thing the other children are leaning to do is to present successfully to an audience.

Teachers who are allowing this and then awarding a pass (and definitely not including that child's submission in the exam board sample because they wouldn't be so lenient) are saying that the child is able to meet the needs of an audience, communicate clearly and respond to their questions, even though it's obvious (and acknowledged by their parents) they cannot.

Same thing happened to my son in school and I rang the head of year who knew him well so knows full well how his autism and anxiety effects him and said of course he doesn't have to stand up in class and read out in front of everyone. He reads slow too and was worried he'd get called thick. Head of year got him out of doing sports day too. The trouble with my sons school was there were constantly substitute teachers that didn't know the kids with SENs needs. So I spoke up for mine constantly and while SEN support wasn't great, that head of year was 10/10 actually. Just read she is doing media, that's great. Mine did media and never had to do a presentation. He's still doing it for further education and it's all online stuff.

Just to let you know I read your name but not a single word of your post 👍

What the actual F. Troll.

Bollox!
Tell that to my uni students ( under-grad, masters and Phd) that have gone on to have amazing careers with not 1 presentation because the universities actually understand that for some people this is not at all possible.

Oh my god, the number of people saying a presentation isn't at all possible for some who are autistic, as if I disagreed. Yeah, I get it. I don't think everyone is capable of everything.

I do think it's fine to say someone can't do something and leave at that instead of trying to pretend they're anywhere near it because they do.something different that doesn't have the same demands.

I can't run a marathon - and jogging to the corner shop once each day in chunks until I've covered the right number of miles still doesn't mean I ran a marathon.

In the future, it might be helpful if she were to record her presentation at home and play it to the class group. She could either narrate it and add the narration or be filmed talking about her power-point. Her questions could then be asked by the group and she can type the answers if she does not want to speak. These are all reasonable adjustments that the school can put into place.

But if you had (e.g.) a physical disability and that was the best you could do then its better than nothing at all

Please tell me what your point is? You think SEN kids should just not bother at all with things they find hard or need adjustments for and therefore get lower marks? Because that’s what it sounds like. Either way, your opinion isn’t really relevant to this thread

You not running a marathon isn’t going to impact on moving forward through the education system that will lead to qualifications and a decent future. No one gives a toot if you can run a mile. Your kinds of “ideas” about what autistic children should be able to do could have real life, long term consequences for them in a world where they’re already disadvantaged. Adjustments have to be made to allow these kids to have the same opportunities as neurotypical children. This kind of explaining is boring & exhausting btw so if you don’t have much of a clue about autism then why don’t you pipe down, read what everyone is saying and stop displaying your painful ignorance.

Ds had full on anxiety about a presentation for his GCSE last year. He was on medication for anxiety and for depression.
I emailed the teacher to explain and asked if he could do the presentation just to the teacher instead of the whole class and this was allowed.

Oh my God. Fuck off. Just fuck off.

OP I wish I had you as a mum when I was a teenager.

I was painfully shy and would get stomach aches at the thought of speaking in class. The teachers and my mum were convinced it’s good to build confidence - which may be true for high functioning teens but SURELY schools must k ow one size doesn’t fit all. Schools have absolutely NO patience or provision for any child who isn’t the confident superstar willing to be at the forefront of everything.

Now I’m nearly 40 and super confident. Confidence came in time and it certainly wasn’t brought on by forced vomit-worthy moments of humiliation.

This needs to stop in our schools

My DD in her last school was always described as quiet like it was a concern.

I ended up losing it a bit and having a massive go at the Head and her teacher saying what’s wrong with quiet children and just because she isn’t a gobshite it doesn’t mean there’s anything to worry about. I told them I never want her being quiet as a negative to be mentioned ever, ever again. My DD says things when she has something decent to say rather than constant verbal diarrhoea. That should be encouraged IMO

Also lots of schools don’t accept private diagnoses either

Well said. Nail on the head there. Schools need to stop such nonsense.