To tell DD to just walk out of her lesson?

[Shishh]

DD is in high-school.

She is under assessment waiting list for Autism by CAHMS. School is generally very supportive.
She has counselling in school weekly because of past trauma.

Her confidence is very, very low and she has genuine communication issues.

She finds it very hard to use her voice and every parents evening it's the same thing "Lovely girl, smart, does her homework but needs to work on speaking up in class as she's way too quiet and lacks confidence" Some teachers said they have never heard her speak!

DD has been quiet all weekend. I finally got it out of her that she needs to do a presentation in media studies, to another class.

She's been sobbing her heart out.

I said I would ring the teacher tomorrow to talk about it but DD said she's not actually in tomorrow, which makes little sense if it's the day of the presentation??

They have a different teacher on Mondays and could be anyone she said.

I said I would ring the head of year but shes extremely busy and sometimes you can't get hold of her same day.

I told DD that if I can't speak to anyone by the time the lesson starts tomorrow to just go to the office and ask them to ring me.

I understand kids sometimes have to do things they don't want to do. But it's much deeper than tha with DD and I'm worried about it setting her back in general.

AIBU to just tell her to not go to the lesson if I haven't managed to sort anything out before hand? Like her being able to do the presentation 1 on 1 with a teacher or for some of her close friends?

Me too- just keep her at home, then you have enough time to sort out an appropriate alternative.

'Please excuse dd from the presentation task today as she hasn't been able to prepare. She is undergoing assessment for her SEND and speaking in front of others is something she finds very difficult. She is struggling with the task and it is also causing her stress/ anxiety at home. I would like to discuss possible ways she can do the work at a different time or in a different way. Please could you get in touch with me to organise this. Kind Regards ...

I actually think this is terrible. It makes out like she hasn't bothered doing the preparation work/homework aspect and it makes OP sound like she's making excuses for her DD and wants an extension on the task, rather than the reality that the presentation is the problem. Additionally, some random teacher who isn't the usual class teacher isn't going to contact OP about the class they covered in their PPA as a one-off to work out how the next random teacher can accommodate OP's DD.

OP, you'd be much better not writing anything than sending a letter like that.
If I were you, though, I'd keep her off if you can't get hold of anyone who can help. If she walks into that classroom and it's a random teacher who doesn't know or understand about her SEN, this is going to end in disaster.

We all try our best but when you're covering a class you don't know well, it's often impossible to know if someone's trying it on or genuine (even with a note; you wouldn't believe how many parents back up their Sprogmilla's total bullshit) and this can lead to us making the wrong call about how to handle it as teachers.

Agree with SisterMichaelsHabit, that note is waffly and gives the wrong message. I'd write something more like "[Name] cannot do the presentation today because of her special needs. Please call me when you have a moment to discuss an equivalent task with adjustment for her condition/s. Thank you"

You can tell her but that’s truancy.

Ideally I'd keep her off but sometimes it helps to actually get it over with. The build up is often worse than the event andshe may just start worrying about being different or being off sick instead. Going forward find out how to seal with these issues as presentations are a common part of education now.

I don;t know if this is useful to you, but I was your daughter when I was in yr11. I had a presentation to do - although it was in front of my own class. It was essential as it was a part of the GCSE. I was terrified. My teacher, though she knew how hard it was for me, did say I had to do it. I ended up standing in front of the class and couldn't get a word out. I burst out crying instead and ran out of the room. I still internally die of embarrassment when I think about it.
I ended up not completing the task. However, it was a turning point for me. I knew it could not happen again. I pushed myself to learn how to speak in front of people and am now a teacher. (I still am scared, but have learnt to manage the fear)
I would tell your daughter not to go to the lesson, but I would write a letter to the teacher explaining why she didn't do it. The ramification of staying is just not worth it.

It's not truancy if the child has special considerations and a prearranged place to go when overwhelmed.

@cansu walking out of class is certainty not ridiculous or dramatic for a SEN child! In fact it is often used as a method by professionals and schools, I find your post insulting.

@Shishh my dd is autistic high functioning and will rarely speak / communicate with teaching staff, she's has similar situations like you describe and if I can't get hold of a teacher I go in with my daughter and speak to receptionist who alerts whoever is covering pastoral care, I have an agreement with my job that I can start a bit later if I need to assist my daughter into school / advocate for her. Can you pop into the school in the morning?

Of course you find it insulting.

None of which has been confirmed here.

Except in the posts where op says her daughter can and does leave lessons to go to the office you mean?

I actually did confirm that DD often leaves lessons if she's feeling overwhelmed. She is allowed and teachers don't make a fuss of the fact.

I wonder why she'd choose to study Media if she won't or can't do a presentation? Media courses are full of presentation tasks. If she misses this one how will she deal with next task? Some of these tasks are marked towards final assessments.

A Reasonable Adjustment for this would be giving the presentation to the class teacher only with no other pupils present.

There's a speaking part in English GCSE which is similar, I've discussed with our SENCO offering my dc (ASD) the option to do this as outlined above.

It does seem probable that this subject is going to create these kind of difficulties more than once, so there needs to be an agreement on how to handle it going forward. I'm guessing she doesn't have an EHCP, I'd be pushing for that as a matter of priority (plus getting private assessment if possible, as CAMHS are not the speediest).

It's great that school are on board about making adjustments for pupils who need them, way too many aren't.

I've had similar with my DS. I gave him a note explaining he was too anxious to do the presentation. He gave it his teacher and they told him not to worry about it. He didn't have to do it.

I would send her in with a note. They will not make her do it.

This

Has she prepared the presentation but scared to present it?
In which case you could offer to video it at home?
Or she could make a PowerPoint with embedded audio so that all she has to do is get each slide up and press the button?

Private assessments are thousands. It's impossible.

I'm not really bothered TBH. I know that might sound bad to you but given what she's been through the last few years of she's flunk media but makes it through High School and has a couple of GCSEs in subjects she likes then I will be super proud of her. She couldn't do the 2 GCSEs she wanted alongside each other and media was one of the only few that was available she showed any interest in.

It's not the end of the world if it turns out it's not what she hoped.

In the grand scheme of things we have bigger issues at hand.

@cansu yes I do take insult, as a parent of an autistic child who's suffered such crippling anxiety around school and has expressed suicidal thoughts due to being made to do activities such as the op has stated, then you come on to say walking out of a lesson is dramatic & ridiculous.
Obviously you have very little awareness of SEN so your comment was completely unnecessary.

@Shishh hope you managed to sort it out for your daughter

There were zero presentations in my media GCSE. And I didn't do it because I particularly wanted to but because the other options in that group were even worse for me (music and drama, if I remember correctly).

I talked to the teacher today who said it was nothing to do with her GCSE and she was happy for DD to completly sit it out.

I also asked about future presentations in Media for her actual GCSE and she said they're aren't any.

So not sure what that poster was on about.

Hi OP, following the counselling your DD might find CBT helpful to address the anxieties she has re presenting/putting hand up. CBT also works as well with ND young people as with others. With your daughters level of anxiety, taking it step by step in exposing to what ever the feared response is the most helpful. I would recommend reading Cathy Creswell’ book “over coming your child’s fear and worries”. Whilst in the short term it is helpful to avoid the feared stimulus, in the long term the child does not learn how to cope and will seek avoidance frequently. Wishing you and your daughter the best.

This. Fully agree. I was the same. My son was the same. My son has graduated with a First in Maths this Summer, and is 3 months into a highly prestigious graduate job in one of the UKs biggest insurance firms and is, literally, flying high there. Being "quiet" did him no harm at all. I really wish that teachers would stop all this nonsense about being "too quiet" and stop knocking what little confidence is left in the quieter kids.

Theysaiditgetseasier
I have two children with severe autism, one of whom was sectioned for six months as a young adult so I guess you don't really know what you are talking about when you designate me as having no idea about SEN.

We were not talking about your child in any case nor mine. If you insist on just cherry picking bits of my post and being offended that is up to you. I did however suggest the OP sends an email and give her dd a note for the teacher so there would not be a need to walk out.

It seems to me that it is hard to say anything on mumsnet in relation to sen without someone piling on to tell you that you are wrong or like you to say you are offended. I have kids with SEN so I understand life is hard but the professionally offended are a bit trying.