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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit peeved?

37 replies

Grapefruitstars · 12/11/2023 15:42

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. My friend is unwell so we've been having her child a lot which isn't an issue. He's friendly with my child although they go to different schools. His birthday is a month before my child's. On his birthday mum told me they weren't doing anything. Today the Child told me he had a big party with loads of mates and my child wasn't invited

He came to my child's birthday party. Aibu to feel peeved we've been looking after him but they didn't think we were close enough to have him at his party ?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 12/11/2023 15:45

I'm sorry your child and you have been treated like this. I know it's easy for me to say this, but I would be asking this 'friend' exactly why yours wasn't invited.

I'd also take steps to end the free childcare.

HamsterBanana · 12/11/2023 15:47

I'd mention her that her child said he had a birthday party and did he have a nice party, and then casually mention that unfortunately you're going to be a bit busier with Christmas around the corner and won't be able to help with childcare anymore.

She's using you. She's probably not even unwell.

TheresaCrowd · 12/11/2023 15:48

You haven't told us how old the kids are?

If they're old enough to invite who they actually want, rather than who mum and dad says they must, then I wouldn't worry too much about it, especially as they go to different schools.

Healthandsocialcaremodule · 12/11/2023 15:49

TheresaCrowd · 12/11/2023 15:48

You haven't told us how old the kids are?

If they're old enough to invite who they actually want, rather than who mum and dad says they must, then I wouldn't worry too much about it, especially as they go to different schools.

Absolutely.

Maybe one of the friends they actually want, rather than those they use, can help out at this difficult time. Sounds like they'd be much happier.

Original poster
Grapefruitstars · 12/11/2023 16:49

They're 6. They get on great. Maybe she felt because they go to different schools my son may be left out?

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 12/11/2023 17:53

HamsterBanana · 12/11/2023 15:47

I'd mention her that her child said he had a birthday party and did he have a nice party, and then casually mention that unfortunately you're going to be a bit busier with Christmas around the corner and won't be able to help with childcare anymore.

She's using you. She's probably not even unwell.

This!

Original poster
Grapefruitstars · 12/11/2023 20:56

He's a lovely kid and I feel bad if his mum is struggling but I do feel a bit 🤔

OP posts:
Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 12/11/2023 21:00

Id mostly be annoyed that she lied

GoingOffOnATangent · 12/11/2023 21:03

At six mum can easily influence guest list and it would be courtesy to at least invite your dc. Most parties at that age are activity based and existing friendships from same school aren't the be all and end all in terms of happy party guests.
She lied. You're being used.

OrigamiOwl · 12/11/2023 21:17

She's using you for childcare. If it was me I'd dip out of the childcare.

Mammyloveswine · 12/11/2023 21:42

Fucking he'll how rude

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 12/11/2023 21:45

YANBU. I would not invite her son to your son’s party. And also let her lean on her family for childcare. She lacks a sense of reciprocity, I don’t think she is the friend you think she is.

MonsteraMama · 12/11/2023 21:47

It's the lying that'd fuck me off more than anything else. I can't be arsed with liars.

I'd tell her to organise alternative childcare because you can't accommodate her anymore. She's pissing on you without even doing you the courtesy of calling it rain.

Tohaveandtohold · 12/11/2023 21:47

She lied because she knew what she did was not on at all. Even if the child chose the friends, the mum should have added your son seeing as she’s been using you for childcare.
I’ll do what the other poster above said, casually bring it up and just say that you hope he had a good time and get out of the childcare commitment. If she feels you’re not close enough to invite your son to the party then surely you can’t be close enough to look after the child.

Zanatdy · 12/11/2023 21:48

I think that’s pretty horrible. I wouldn’t dream of not inviting the child of someone helping me out so much. Just rude

Swimeveryday · 12/11/2023 21:48

I’d be direct and tell her how it made you feel.

Lindy2 · 12/11/2023 21:55

Well enough to organise a big party but not well enough to look after her own child.....

I think I'd ask "how did the party go?" and say that the child said they'd just had a big party. I'd then be busy the next time she wants you to be her free childcare.

Yes, they can invite whoever they want to a party but when you've provided a lot of assistance and your children are friends, you should have been on the guest list.

LakeTiticaca · 12/11/2023 22:08

That would be the last time I would be helping the bitch out. Let her find someone else to look after her kid

Original poster
Grapefruitstars · 12/11/2023 22:14

Tbf the party was 2 months ago lol.

OP posts:
SandyWaves · 12/11/2023 23:26

So rude. I would cut ties altogether.

I have a mum 'friend' like this. Been round to my house a few times, looked after the kid so she can work, spent a lot but my kid has never been invited to her house.

So I will not invite back now.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 12/11/2023 23:27

Grapefruitstars · 12/11/2023 22:14

Tbf the party was 2 months ago lol.

Did you invite her son to your son’s birthday a month later?

Original poster
Grapefruitstars · 13/11/2023 07:38

Yes her child was invited to my sons party.

OP posts:
LylaLee · 13/11/2023 07:41

You got played. Stop helping. She'll move on to the next mark.

SparkyBlue · 13/11/2023 07:50

She is using you for childcare. Please be unavailable the next time she asks. YANBU to be annoyed

TempName247 · 13/11/2023 08:15

He may have just had boys there, I wouldn’t read too much into it