Going no contact with friend but still love her parents

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I've had a major falling out with my oldest friend, the result of years of resentment. I've decided to cut all contact with her for my own mental health. But I still love her parents. They're like my second family and I'd hate to lose them. AIBU to think I can still maintain a relationship with them even if I have nothing to do with their daughter anymore? For context myself and friend are both late 30s and she doesn't live with them.

They may want a relationship with you… but it probably won’t last long term. Dd will go to them for all important times, Christmas easter etc and you can’t be there. The relationship will drift and you need to let that happen and move on. Sorry op

Ahh sorry OP, what parent wouldn't side with their own daughter over her friend? - they sound like kind people taking you under their wing, but was that more to do with wanting to make their child's friend welcome, rather than meeting you and thinking 'wow this random person must join our family'

I think if you want to maintain a close relationship with them, you need to try to build at least a cordial bridge with their daughter.

That's properly mad and inflammatory to do if you really want to go NC. Your friend will be very hurt and it will put her parents in an awful position. If they are decent they will side with her and then you'll feel even worse. This is a very bad and fairly toxic idea OP.

More context needed

More context is needed about why you are no longer speaking.

If you really want to maintain a relationship with her parents could you not just drastically reduce contact with their daughter? Or do you think that would still be detrimental to your mental health.
Of course they are adults who can decide who they spend time with, but I can't see any scenario in which they'd want to maintain a relationship with you if you've gone NC. They'd potentially be jeopardising their relationship with their daughter who is obviously going to come first

YABU. This is massively crossing boundaries. You can’t dump your friend and keep her parents.

All of this is like my childhood friend. I can say with some certainty that they would drop her like she's hot if she cut me off.

I'm guessing a reverse, because this is batshit. Or, OP is is definitely the one in the wrong.

You can't be serious surely?
Her parents aren't going to choose you, unless you withhold the truth from them.

You said resentment I think.. is this some kind of jealousy thing? If they're second parents she must have been as close as a sister. Either patch things up with her and keep your relationships with everyone or continue as you are but expect it all to dissolve into nothing as they will rightly back their daughter.

I think it would be really cruel and self centred of you to try and maintain contact like this.

I'm Sorry OP but I'm sure this is what will happen. Second daughter or not they will side with their own daughter.

If they don't side with their daughter, then they're fairly awful parents and maybe that's why your friend is messed up (if she is messed up, your op is vague about the back story of why you've fallen out)

Of course you can't. Why would they want to keep on touch with you.

This seems very cruel.

Its cruel to the parents to put them in the position where they have to upset you or their own daughter.

And cruel to the daughter if the parents do maintain a relationship with you.

If you actually care about these people walk away.

Er no you can't. She is their daughter. You can't cut off their daughter and expect them to welcome you with open arms.
That's just awkward for everyone. Are you deliberately trying to stir and create tension. It's like you want them to pick you ove their daughter

Trying to maintain a relationship with them would be unfair on them. It would also be cruel to their daughter.

As someone previously said, if your their second daughter than surely she's a surrogate sister?

Maybe just leave the ball in their court. If they want to maintain contact then ok, but if not then leave them alone.

Doesn’t matter. They will still pick their child over you.

Imagine a social event. Who will they invite? You or her. You answer.

This.

Also... If their relationship is already fractured with their daughter, this could completely break it. If it isn't already fractured then fractures will almost definitely appear.

This is the reality of choosing to go nc it isn't a simple thing to do and there are consequences to the decision you have made if it was straight forward more people would do it

You can’t do this, it’s wrong. It’s wrong to put them in the position of potentially hurting their daughter. It’s wrong if they do choose to stay in contact because it will hurt your friend and I don’t really care how bad she is she likely doesn’t deserve to lose the feeling that her parents have her back. It’s wrong because you will likely feel awkward, uncomfortable and profoundly rejected if they decline to stay in contact. You may end up feeling awful if they do stay in contact because you’ll know your friend’s failings started somewhere.
Someone else said it best up thread- this is boundary crossing in the extreme.

Can't you just lower contact with friend instead? The parents are not going to want to hang out with someone that hates their daughter to the extent they have gone no contact with them, they really aren't. You'd be creating a completely untenable situation for them.

You absolutely cannot go NC for your own sake and then choose the bits you want.
They are her parents, how would you expect them be be themselves around you.

Why did you fall out / go NC with the friend OP?

You're being very naive if you think they will pick you over their own daughter. This is the reality of going no contact, it's a serious move.

I definitely wouldn’t fall out with them but I would pull back from them a bit.

Its going to be really awkward for them and I’d still send them birthday cards or whatever you do but I wouldn’t put them in a position where they have to feel like they’re going against their daughters wishes.
That would be cruel.

They may be close to you but you are not on the same level as their own DD.
They will choose her every single time.

You can't expect to maintain a relationship with them.

I feel for you, I had a friend and very close to her Mum (perhaps even closer than I was to the original friend), but when my the friendship broke down with the daughter I stopped hearing from the Mum too. It has been a decade now and I don't miss the friend but I do miss her Mum. So I totally understand it.

But it would just be so wrong of the Mum to have me in her life, when the friendship with the daughter is long gone.