To think that unexpected pregnant when one half of couple doesn't want kids is ever a positive outcome

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Can it be?How did it work out for the marriage/ couple?
Did OH come round if: when or before baby arrived?

I fell pregnant unexpectedly in December, my partner made it very clear before he didn’t want children at that point. Fast forward to now we are in our new home and he is an amazing father and partner. He absolutely adores our DS and we are closer than ever.

In real life I've known it to work out once. In every other instance the resentment killed the relationship of the couple, and sadly, usually the relationship between father snd child as well.
Having a child in the hope that the other parent will "come round" is unfair on that child who deserves to be wanted, loved and planned by both parents.

I have also wondered what happens in these situations.
What if one partner absolutely refuses to enter into the whole pregnancy. Prenatal and birth process ?.

My DH was that baby - he has never met his biological father.
If it is an 'accident' that is a dispicable think to do.

id be interested to know how She is pregnant. Seriously. I know people always lose their minds over this even being a question, but how, in this day and age, do you fall pregnant when you absolutely do not want to be pregnant?

The gender neutral ´partner’ is weird here. OP, you’re talking exclusively about heterosexual relationships where the woman is happy to be pregnant and the man does not want to be a father. It’s not the same situation the other way around because women can choose to continue a pregnancy or go through a termination.
And homosexual couples just don’t get pregnant unexpectedly.

Or what when that person who was very recently adamant about not wanting kids,starts behaving weirdly almost jumping for joy yet isn't involved in any prenatal care or preparation for baby? Only speaking about how it will affect him and his freedom?
An odd reaction to which I dont know how to respond.
Brother in this situation.
Great guy but ridiculously selfish, even in his relationship.

What a weird take. OP doesn't even use the word 'partner' anywhere! Lots of non-married heterosexual couples refer to themselves as partners – me and my DP are one of them.

Actually I've seen it work out fine plenty of times. In every case the woman wanted a baby and the husband or partner was either against it or dragging his feet or indecisive, so she "accidentally" got pregnant. These are women who have competently managed their fertility for decades, and if they didn't want to be pregnant, they would arrange a termination. But they were ready to have a baby so they had one, and the father accepted it.

In some cases the men became excellent and loving fathers, in others they are a bit lazy or disengaged. But that is equally true of men who professed to want children, tbh.

Yes I’ve never seen it work out either. If the man never wanted children he usually ends up leaving OR contributes nothing and so the woman ends up resenting him and either lives an unhappy life or leaves him herself.

If this is you OP and you want the baby, that’s fine but just be prepared to be a single parent in the future.

I’ve seen partners come around but there was often a thing of the partner not compromising on their own hobbies, things they want to do as ultimately they hadn’t chosen this life but more so when the child was a baby and it changing a bit as the child got older

Depends. I've known it work out once with a genuine accident. The relationship wasn't perfect and there were a lot of struggles but they managed. He still, privately, wishes they'd never had the kid but has pulled on his big boy pants and played the role of dad even if he didn't want to. Not ideal for the kid but they've got both parents still which is more than can be said for a lot of planned kids.

Any time it's been an "accident", as in woman deliberately gets pregnant and pretends it's all "oopsie daisy" in the hopes the man would come around... No, resentment has killed it in the end when it's inevitably come out what she did. Which it always will.

I just don't think it's worth the risk of giving your child an absent, or worse resentful and distant parent.

Having a baby isnt going to make him nit be a selfish person.

It's not me.
It's my brothers partner who told him that her scarring was so bad from bad periods that she was told she couldn't have kids so contraception didn't need to be an issue.
It's the jump from absolute refusal to have kids to behaving in a manic way with excitement that is strange and oddly unsettling.

This happened to my friend, he was thinking of ending the relationship, it really wasn't going well, partner very volatile. Next thing you know she's pregnant. He stayed and married her which she knew he would do. She claimed to be on the pill which had worked for the two years up to that point.
I said to him at the time, if you wanted to end the relationship you shouldn't have still been sleeping with her. Later they had discussions because she wanted a second and he didn't, couple of months later another 'accident' while she was allegedly on the pill. I absolutely believe it was intentional on her part, but I also believe he has responsibility for his own contraception if he doesn't want DC. He's had a vasectomy now.
Their relationship is very up and down, she struggles to keep a job and has MH issues which lead to her checking out. He dotes on the children though and although he works full time, he does most school runs, housework, all the cooking, taking them to clubs etc so it hasn't affected the parenting bond.

🤦🏻‍♀️

If men don’t want kids they should have vasectomies and then it’s never an issue. If your not part of the solution your part of the problem.

But, it’s not your problem if he rejects the baby & you can still be a present aunty.

this was my brother 13 years ago, they are now happily married with the original child + two more, and he is a very involved dad

Anyone that still has a uterus and ovaries could become pregnant. Dr's telling women you most likely won't, or it may be difficult to, and that being seen as a reason contraception isn't needed seems to lead to many couples being in this position. Ultimate both are responsible for contraception. If you 100% don't want kids- get sterilised (either one) if you get pregnant with someone who states they don't want kids. There can't be an expectation they will do a 180 a change that option- although some do.

No contraceptive method is 100% @LoneFemaleTraveller

Condoms split or come off, sometimes through stealthing
The pill and other hormonal methods can be interfered with by sickness or other medication
You can get pregnant with a coil
You might have irregular periods and think you're menopausal and past that
You.migjt have been fooled into thinking natural cycle monitoring is effective
Even vasectomies can reverse themselves

Completely this. I get that your brother went along with the idea that contraception was not needed, but it’s a two-person thing - if you know you do not want a pregnancy, you take precautions yourself.

Dr's telling women you most likely won't, or it may be difficult to, and that being seen as a reason contraception isn't needed seems to lead to many couples being in this position.
The only time I hear of this happening is on Mumsnet. I suspect it is frequently a pretence to facilitate an "accidental" pregnancy.

This is MN, OP. A lot of women force their partner sit become fathers by stealth and try and justify in all sorts of ways. Mostly you will get the answer that it works out fine. There have posts on here by women who openly admit to emotionally blackmailing their partners to have another child or threaten to break up the marriage, take their other children away from them, give them all sort of ultimatums to make home cave in.

Imagine a man treated a woman they way this friend has treated the man.

@tpxqi oh I'm not a fan of hers, but he didn't need to have sex with her if he wanted out of the relationship

@tpxqi also realised it wasn't clear, the man is my friend