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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to attend Dd birthday party

59 replies

Spectrum2001 · 10/11/2023 21:21

My DH will try and get out of doing anything that he doesn’t want to. And one of those things is kids birthday parties, I get where he’s coming from, I can’t stand them really. But he thinks I should ‘go it alone’ at our Dd birthday party and leave him to do what he needs to do (he says he will be working, he is self employed) I say he’s being unreasonable and he’s not there for me but for our dd. He says that there’s no need for us both to be there. It’s a hosted party so we just need to turn up with a cake and party bags.

OP posts:
Izzabellasasperella · 12/11/2023 01:30

YourNameGoesHere · 11/11/2023 17:49

It's not about the fact that only one parent is actually needed to host the party though, it's the simple fact that both parents should want to be there because it's their child's party and they are celebrating together.

No parent enjoys hosting parties but we do it for our kids because they have fun and it's nice to do something to mark the occasion. I don't see why so many posters think this should solely be down to the child's mother.

This.

BeckhamSeven · 13/11/2023 10:29

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/11/2023 21:49

What if it wasn’t your mum’s scene? No parties?

Show quote history

Yes that would have been the case. My mum really enjoyed planning my parties and it was a big social thing with other parents :D

mindutopia · 13/11/2023 10:36

We used to have a neighbour like this. I literally never saw the dad with the son. Ever. Never took him to the playground. Or to school. And he was never there for any of his birthday parties. He would turn up back home once everyone left. It made me feel really sad for the kid.

Birthday parties are like the 9th circle of hell. I hate them. I hate hosting ours. I hate attending other peoples. But it's one of the jobs you have to do when you have children. You have to be there for their special days.

NotLactoseFree · 13/11/2023 10:38

All narcissists/wankers/abusers are nice occasionally - otherwise they'd never be able to get their hooks into anyone in the first place.

Original poster
Spectrum2001 · 19/11/2023 09:52

Just thought I’d give an update, he came to the party and DD had a blast with her pals.
good times had by all! And he realised it was the right thing to do.
thank you for all your thoughts and opinions, it helps me to keep me knowing that I’m right 😁

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 19/11/2023 09:54

What an arsehole. We did find kids parties work better with alcohol and we get on well with our kids friends parents too which helps, but no way I’m missing my kids parties or not doing about half of the ones they get invited to.

Oriunda · 22/03/2024 19:11

What’s going on with this site? Keeps on linking to zombie posts.

Simonjt · 22/03/2024 19:19

lanthanum · 11/11/2023 17:18

DH is a very hands-on involved dad, never missed a parents' evening, play, or anything like that. But he's only been at the birthday parties when he's been making the food, I think.
If it's soft play or something like that, there won't be anything he needs to do, your child won't be taking any notice of him, and he'll struggle with chitchat with the other parents more than you. He may just feel like a spare part.
I wouldn't worry about this one - it's things like school plays where it will matter much more to your child.

Why would a parent feel like a spare part at their own childs party? Do you feel like a spare part at their parties?

Simonjt · 22/03/2024 19:21

Oriunda · 22/03/2024 19:11

What’s going on with this site? Keeps on linking to zombie posts.

Edited

And no idiots like me are replying because you replied!

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