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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Co worker was being sarcy

45 replies

Mama1209 · 10/11/2023 12:59

Background; I work in a professional environment with around 30 staff. Quote a young average age. There’s 3 of us with children. I’m hardly ever off work and can’t recall a time I rang in sick with the excuse my child was I’ll. usually I send them to school/ nursery or if really poorly, grandparents step in. I feel major mom guilt about this anyway. I often drag myself to work on little/ no sleep and kind of internally pat myself on the back for juggling my career and 4 kids.

Anyway… recently I went into my managers office and she was having a team meeting with around 5 of the office staff. I was telling them I was going home on my lunch for a little nap as the baby was up sick all over my bed the night before.

Then one of the girls (late 20s) piled up “oh your baby is always ill isn’t she” I replied emmm she’s quite sickly she has reflux.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like they don’t understand what it’s like to be a working mother and I kind of feel publicly humiliated like they have all been taking about how my child is poorly as if I make excuses at work.

AIBU just tired and stressed out or should I raise this with my manager?

OP posts:
shakeitoffsis · 10/11/2023 13:07

You're massively over thinking this. Don't give it another thought.

holidaywin · 10/11/2023 13:17

I don't think she was sarky, more opened mouth with mouth thinking. Don't even think about it.

holidaywin · 10/11/2023 13:18

*without obvs not with mouth 😂

SoSad44 · 10/11/2023 13:20

You are overthinking this and also stop oversharing. No way would I tell anyone at work I am having a nap at lunchtime. My childfree colleagues wouldn’t get it at all.

well done for juggling 4 kids and a career, I am massively exhausted with just 2 kids.

SoSad44 · 10/11/2023 13:21

And don’t raise it with your manager. Try and get some rest and talk less about your children at work.

noooooooo · 10/11/2023 13:21

It was tactless, but I don’t know if I’d raise it. You’re seldom off, so it’s not indirect criticism. Maybe you mentioned a sicky baby previously (god knows mine seemed to take turns at it and I’ve only got half the amount of kids you do) and that’s registered with her. I didn’t know just how much babies vomited til I had DS.

So could be either she’s a bit pass-remarkable and parading her ignorance, or more charitably, was trying to be sympathetic? If you’re like hell no I was there, she was digging me up or shit-stirring or negative in some other way, then fair enough. Maybe keep an eye on your interactions ITC and keep a note of anything else that strikes you as off-kilter, but this isn’t necessarily a go to the manager job as a one-off, to me. Hope the reflux improves!

CatamaranViper · 10/11/2023 13:26

If you're hardly ever off due to your kids, how does your colleague know your baby is sickly? Is it something you talk about a lot? Maybe it was her way of saving that you overshare

SM4713 · 10/11/2023 13:28

It wasn't till friends and colleagues started having children, that I realised how often kids get ill and how often they'd share every single detail of it!

You are massively overthinking the comment and absolutely no need to mention it to your boss. 🙄
Personally, I'd think about how much of your personal life you are telling colleagues about and if they really need to know or its appropriate? I mean, I might tell a very close work colleague about a lunchtime nap. I wouldn't go into my bosses office for a meeting, and tell the entire room about baby vomit being all over my bed and heading home for a nap 😬

HighywayToHell · 10/11/2023 13:28

I work hybrid and last week i should have been in the office on Monday but had to WFH as my DD was not very well so was off school.

Do i give a shit what my colleagues thought? No. She is a child, she gets ill and as long as i dont take the piss with days off/WFH its nobody elses business except my manager and she was ok with me WFH.

Dont say anything to your manager but also stop oversharing, they will eventually use it as ammunition against you.

brokenhearted2 · 10/11/2023 13:35

SM4713 · 10/11/2023 13:28

It wasn't till friends and colleagues started having children, that I realised how often kids get ill and how often they'd share every single detail of it!

You are massively overthinking the comment and absolutely no need to mention it to your boss. 🙄
Personally, I'd think about how much of your personal life you are telling colleagues about and if they really need to know or its appropriate? I mean, I might tell a very close work colleague about a lunchtime nap. I wouldn't go into my bosses office for a meeting, and tell the entire room about baby vomit being all over my bed and heading home for a nap 😬

What do child free colleagues chat about? What they got up to in the weekend.... their nightmare neighbour....PIL issues, their garden/pets, upcoming/just been on holidays. Just life right? Why can't parents include their dc in their chatter?

Aprilx · 10/11/2023 13:38

Why on earth did you walk into a meeting and announce that you are going home at lunchtime to have a nap because your baby is sick. I am absolutely baffled.

I am 53 and very experienced in the workforce but admittedly I am child free so maybe my mindset is more similar to these young as yet child free colleagues. And I must admit, I would think you were very odd if you did this.

No your shouldn’t bring it up, it was you that was a bit strange. I think your colleague just blurted something out, maybe as she didn’t know what else to say to your very odd announcement.

ginasevern · 10/11/2023 14:02

I've worked all my life and brought my son up as a single parent and I never discussed my parenting responsibilities at work. I most certainly wouldn't have said I was going home for a nap at lunchtime whether it was due to a sick baby or for any other reason. It would be perceived as a very odd thing to say and it is only asking for trouble/comments.

foulksmills · 10/11/2023 14:19

@brokenhearted2
Why can't parents include their dc in their chatter?

Just in case someone who is struggling with infertility is nearby and overhears because that would be very insensitive of you to dare mention you have children.

ginasevern · 10/11/2023 14:22

@brokenhearted2

Why can't parents include their dc in their chatter?

Because it's fucking boring. Save it for the doting grandparents.

PercyPigInAWig · 10/11/2023 14:27

foulksmills · 10/11/2023 14:19

@brokenhearted2
Why can't parents include their dc in their chatter?

Just in case someone who is struggling with infertility is nearby and overhears because that would be very insensitive of you to dare mention you have children.

Now who is being sarky @foulksmills

I don’t talk about DC at work because I keep work chit chat neutral or work-related.

elizabethdraper · 10/11/2023 14:38

Some people on my team didnt know i had children until lockdown

PlacidPenelope · 10/11/2023 14:39

I was telling them I was going home on my lunch for a little nap as the baby was up sick all over my bed the night before.

Why on earth did you say this? There was no need for the information re your baby being sick, there is no need to justify where you are going on your lunchbreak or why.

A simple I'm off home for lunch, be back at x time is all you need to say and all people need to hear.

mynameiscalypso · 10/11/2023 14:42

I agree that telling people you were going home for a nap because your baby was sick is really weird. I talk about my son at work and poor colleagues have had him on calls when he's been off school/nursery but I wouldn't dream of making such a point out of it.

PonyPatter44 · 10/11/2023 14:49

Of course you can talk about your children at work, that's not the issue here! I think your colleague just tried to say something sympathetic and maybe if you are shattered and sleep deprived, you didn't take it how she meant it.

It's WEIRD to tell people you're going home for a nap at lunchtime though. That really isn't the sort of thing your colleagues need to know!

Tombero · 10/11/2023 14:57

I have to agree with everyone else.

If you really needed to tell your manager you should just say ‘I’m popping out for lunch’. You really shouldn’t interrupt a team meeting with a story about needing naps and babies being sick on beds. There’s a time and a place.

LlynTegid · 10/11/2023 15:00

A one-off, ignore I suggest.

Mama1209 · 10/11/2023 15:05

For clarification… I was scheduled for a 1-1 meeting but when I got there they were all in there having an informal chat/ messing so my manager said “unless you want the 1-2” to which I replied no, then she was asking how are you etc is everything ok then that’s what I replied. Thanks for letting me know it’s weird though, I shall keep that to myself in future. I thought work colleagues were supposed to be supportive to one another. Obviously not! Don’t think I’d like to work at some of your workplaces!

OP posts:
snoreb · 10/11/2023 15:07

It is weird to say you're going home to sleep because your baby vommed on your bed.

DuploTrain · 10/11/2023 15:08

Of course they wouldn’t understand what it feels like to be a working mum. No-one can until they do it.

You brought up the topic of your baby being sick, it sounds like she was just trying to make conversation/ show that she listens when you talk about your baby.

And if you talk about the baby being sick a lot (reflux) she might think that you actually mean the baby is sick (poorly). I wouldn’t have had the first idea about reflux before I had kids.

I really think you’re massively overthinking the comment.

ManateeFair · 10/11/2023 15:10

I honestly don't think your colleague meant anything bad! Two people in our team have toddlers and of course sometimes they're unwell - pretty normal for someone to comment 'Aw, they've only just got over that cold and now they've got a tummy bug' or something but it's meant sympathetically.

Also, I think if you announce that you're going home for a nap because your baby was sick in the night, you're basically starting a conversation about it, which your colleague was simply engaging with.

Don't give it another thought.