To think Co worker was being sarcy

[Mama1209]

Background; I work in a professional environment with around 30 staff. Quote a young average age. There’s 3 of us with children. I’m hardly ever off work and can’t recall a time I rang in sick with the excuse my child was I’ll. usually I send them to school/ nursery or if really poorly, grandparents step in. I feel major mom guilt about this anyway. I often drag myself to work on little/ no sleep and kind of internally pat myself on the back for juggling my career and 4 kids.

Anyway… recently I went into my managers office and she was having a team meeting with around 5 of the office staff. I was telling them I was going home on my lunch for a little nap as the baby was up sick all over my bed the night before.

Then one of the girls (late 20s) piled up “oh your baby is always ill isn’t she” I replied emmm she’s quite sickly she has reflux.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like they don’t understand what it’s like to be a working mother and I kind of feel publicly humiliated like they have all been taking about how my child is poorly as if I make excuses at work.

AIBU just tired and stressed out or should I raise this with my manager?

Workplaces should be supportive yes OP, but if you talk a lot about your children when they're ill, how you struggle, the way you come into work when they're ill or you're not well, or you've had no sleep.. you could be coming across as a bit of a martyr, particularly as your colleagues are young, child free and don't get it. There may well be a bit of eye rolling from the young ones.
If I were you I'd rein it in a bit around those of your colleagues who are at a different life stage. They can't imagine what your life is like and maybe won't have the empathy you'd like.

@brokenhearted2 Why can't parents include their dc in their chatter?

Of course people can talk about their DC at work. Its the over sharing of personal details that people don't want or need to hear about! Some people get physically ill from hearing about other people or their childrens' vomiting (emetophobia). Some people don't want to know know every detail of their family life:

• Olly has nits again, so we are treating the whole family
• Sarah has worms, so DH and I are also being treated
• Tommy had explosive diarrhoea that went up the car seat
• Baby vomited all over my bed! 🙄

The co worker may have been competing with you. It was an unhelpful comment.

Maybe they are just sick of hearing about your ill children?
The “they just don’t understand what it’s like to be a working mother” is patronising and unnecessary. If they don’t have kids why would they? Why is it relevant?

I have the occasional lunchtime nap because I have menopausal insomnia. I work in a very flexible workplace but I wouldn't dream of casually dropping it in the conversation that I was going to have a nap.

It really is a strange thing to say, regardless of the reason. There's not many replies to it so I guess your colleague just pulled something out of the air rather than leaving you hanging.

Oh do cut the martyr crap.

Yes workplaces can be supportive but exactly how are they going to support you with a vomiting baby and a messed bed? Offer to come and clean it up for you? You gave irrelevant and too much information. A better response would have been Just a bit tired, thanks for asking. Off home for lunch back at x time. Neither the manager nor your colleagues needed or wanted to hear the details you gave, as I said what were they supposed to say or do?

There is a difference between having a supportive workplace and some people getting bored of listening to you go on about your kids ailments.
Like I said, if you rarely take time off when your kids are ill, the only way this colleague would know your baby is always sick is if you've gone on about it. Why would someone without kids be even remotely interested in how often a baby they don't know is sick? Why would someone without kids need to understand how hard it is to be a full time working parent?

I have a very supportive workplace, but like hell would I walk into a room and announce I'm going for a nap on my lunch break.

I think what some child free people talk about is really boring.

You probably talk about it a lot- that's okay because it's probably very tiring and overwhelming. It wasn't a nasty comment, just an observation. What did you want them to say?

That’s my point, I haven’t ever mentioned about them being ill as I’ve not been off work due to that. I don’t tend to talk about my kids much as when I do I miss them so make it a point not to and see work as more “me time” not to be “mummy” but from all these comments it’s got me thinking maybe I am talking about them too much. Will definitely limit this thanks for the advice. Not what I came here for, but still lol have a lovely weekend all of you!

@Onethingatatime23

"I think what some childfree people talk about is really boring"

I totally agree with you. But colleagues with children (and even worse still with grandchildren) add yet an extra layer of boring and in the latter case quite frankly obsession. No, I don't want to watch for 10 minutes as you scroll through pictures of little Alfie or Evie on their potty thanks.

I take your boring grandparents and raise you one over involved aunty. I knew more about her nieces than I did my own kids

I'm really surprised by some of these comments! I guess it depends where you work but no one would bat an eyelid about the comments you made in my workplace. People discuss all sorts of things including their children, pets, illnesses etc. And yes people might say they're going for a nap during their lunch break and no one would care less because its their lunch break! So I don't think your comments are unusual at all.
I think you maybe are over thinking the comment made by your colleague though. There's a huge chance she's just commenting on the fact that your child seems to get ill a lot, lots of people without children have no idea how often children are actually ill so she may have just been expressing a comment on that. I wouldn't worry about it, or about what you said! I didn't think my workplace was all that great but now I'm glad I don't work in some of the uptight environments implied by previous posters here!

I work in a professional office. We all chat about our kids, hobbies, relatives, holidays whatever. I think it's because I work with normal people and not mumsnet people.

I think before we have children we can really see how much others talk about their children, my own friends had children before me and I use to be so bored listening to them. I swore I would be different when I had mine, I thought I was not talking much about them when I had them, but it was said to me a few times that I was .

It's normal to make conversation in the work place about stuff like your family etc but sometimes there are people who don't want to hear.

I'd love to know how long you get for lunch to be able to get home, clean up vomit, have a sleep, eat and get back to work.

This x1000. My colleagues talk about cats, gardening, illnesses, DIY, their writing, pet rats, volunteer work, etc. Some of it interesting, some less so. We listen, encourage and support. If someone's baby was pukey and they didn't get much sleep we'd be encouraging them to go for a nap! "All I discuss with colleagues is work-related." That's so sad.

I agree with suggestions to aim to not mention children at work. I have kids young adults really, but it's better not to play in to the frazzled torn in two busy mum stereotype

lol at the last bit… so I get an hour but I’m self employed so if one of my patients does not turn up or cancels, I get longer and only like a 5 min drive away so I take that hour or so as pretty much the only “me” time I get. I’d cleaned up the sick the night before lol

Ahh thank goodness! I was beginning to think I had some kind of weird over sharing personality disorder lol

Thanks I was shocked at some comments too