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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think no good deed goes unpunished

271 replies

caffelattetogo · 09/11/2023 23:58

Please tell me if IABU...

I was asked to run a fundraiser for a group my DC attends. It's a class to teach something I do professionally, and I have done for many years. All good, until it came to setting the ticket price - the treasurer looked on my website and saw how much I usually charge for a session. But this is in a village hall, not the venues I'd usually use, which cost much more to hire. I'd thought we could charge less than I usually do, as the experience won't be the same.
But maybe I was wrong: Tickets went on sale and have sold out.
I said I'd buy the materials and invoice them. No need, says the treasurer, and asks me to send her a list.
The session is on Saturday and the ingredients have arrived - with loads missing and much cheaper quality than I'd usually use. There's no way the food we are making will look or taste the same. I rang tonight and she isn't budging - says my list was too expensive and would eat up their profits. In total, the ingredients I wanted were about 25% of the ticket price. I'm giving my time and equipment for free.
Any other circumstances and I'd walk away, but I feel bad for the people who have bought tickets.
What should I do?

OP posts:
itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 11/11/2023 10:51

caffelattetogo · 11/11/2023 09:21

I had a response from the chair of the group (not the treasurer) saying what they had bought was all they could afford and I would have to manage, and they are relying on the margin they have budgeted as their only fundraiser this month.
I've pulled out and told them to run it themselves. I feel bad for people who have bought tickets but I know the organisers are only spending around 10% of the fee on materials (and the hall belongs to them so no additional costs). My name will be mud with them, but so be it. Thanks for your advice!

I would post a succinct, factual explanation on your social media page about why you've pulled out.

ManchesterGirl2 · 11/11/2023 10:54

I'm sorry OP, what a stressful experience when you were only trying to help!

Badgrief · 11/11/2023 11:05

Do you think the event will be cancelled and money refunded or will the committee go ahead and just blame you for pulling out? You really want to get a message out first. Emphasise the inferior/shortage of ingredients and that, despite donating your time for free, you couldn't provide the product people expected (and had paid for). DON'T put too much importance on your reputation because most people won't care about that.

Elleherd · 11/11/2023 11:07

So glad to see you've refused.
I'm struggling in my working life being expected to produce the same quality of products with massively inferior materials and putting in huge amounts of free labor, to bring down end costs, so that the suppliers of my labor can survive to procure more work in the future. I have few alternatives currently.

I used to provide workshops in a number of things for various organizations but was also expected not to use decent materials, which is unfair on the participants as they just wont get the same results no matter how much progress they make.

It is bad enough that this is happening in the commercial world, but to hear it spreading to the voluntary sector is beyond ridiculous. Having to allow your reputation to be tarnished because there's no choice if the provider of your work is to stay afloat, is a painful long term survival decision. Doing it entirely so that someone else can make money for their chosen cause, out of you, would be foolish.

coodawoodashooda · 11/11/2023 11:16

VWdieselnightmare · 11/11/2023 09:27

OH dear, OP, think you just pissed on your chips. No one likes a quitter. 30, 40, 50 people all now feeling annoyed that their night out has been cancelled.

Imagine what they'll be saying now. 'I hear she was such a diva, impossible to work with. It was all about her and her reputation. It all got a bit ridiculous. She was asking for X and Y and Z, which would have cost us far too much to supply. No one around here cooks with X and Y! She knows we're a voluntary organisation but she couldn't be flexible.'

Oooof.

Edited

She's not a quitter. She's been pushed into a corner and refused to accept it.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 11/11/2023 11:25

Hipnotised · 10/11/2023 01:18

From her pov she's trying to raise as much money as possible.

Can you do a reduced menu / alternate offering?

@ hipnotised

at the cost of the OP's reputation.

fuck that.

@caffelattetogo

id try to word it nicely, but I'd give her the option of you buying the ingredients you want, them paying for them OR they cancel it
(& do NOT blame you or solicitors will be involved KEEP any correspondence with them!)

do NOT ruin your reputation doing it on the cheap with her ingredients.

stupid stupid woman.

Elphame · 11/11/2023 11:32

Good for you!

I've done a few workshops and always always always take my own ingredients.

DogInATent · 11/11/2023 11:37

This is sadly typical of the way many people/organisations treat volunteers - they assume that because they're not paying you, you're not worth anything.

The only way to offer these events and keep your reputation intact is fully costed, no negotiation or deviation:

  • I will do X
  • It will cost Y
  • All materials to be provided myself
  • The breakdown of the costs is ...
When they're selling tickets in advance there is no risk to them in doing it this way.
BruceAndNosh · 11/11/2023 11:37

The OP name might be mud for pulling out but her professional reputation would ha been mud if she'd produced a "Bake your own luxury Cream Tea" with cheap margarine and aerosol cream

secondfavouritesocks · 11/11/2023 11:42

well done OP! so heartened to hear you have stood your ground and not been railroaded into something inappropriate because it is "for charity" etc.

You have absolutely done the right thing! You are my hero!

rookiemere · 11/11/2023 11:44

They've really screwed you over, no good outcome for you. I just worry that pulling out makes DDs participation tricky in this future activity.

Could you purchase the most egregious replacements yourself and offset it as a charitable donation from your business?

weirdoboelady · 11/11/2023 11:48

They are either complete morons or entitled CFs. My vote is on the latter.

C1N1C · 11/11/2023 11:51

I want to see the response email... this will be good 🍿

You were absolutely right to take a stand!

rookiemere · 11/11/2023 11:54

weirdoboelady · 11/11/2023 11:48

They are either complete morons or entitled CFs. My vote is on the latter.

Feels like they could be both at the same time.

verdantverdure · 11/11/2023 11:55

I still can't get over the arrogance of them not buying what you need to give your time and expertise for free after they asked you for a list.

LightDrizzle · 11/11/2023 11:57

Margarine and squirty “cream” 🤮

You’ve done the right thing but I’d be very careful that anything you post online or to WharsApp couldn’t come across as trying to sabotage the event now you’ve flounced.

Say it is a make your own cream tea. I’d post something like.

Sorry I won’t be running Friday’s workshop. I hadn’t realised butter and cream were beyond the committee’s budget and wasn’t alerted before they bought the ingredients. Sadly their substitutions won’t work for my recipes and methods but I’m sure it will a jolly event and I’m assured they can work with the ingredients as ordered. I will of course be there to support as an eager participant!

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 11/11/2023 12:00

VWdieselnightmare · 11/11/2023 10:49

I think that's what's known in Comms and PR speak as pompous twattage. Do that if you want to damage yourself even more, OP.

Edited
Show quote history

Do you have a suggested alternative statement, @VWdieselnightmare ?

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/11/2023 12:00

CaveMum · 11/11/2023 09:27

Well done @caffelattetogo. I’d now get out ahead of the Committee and put something on your social media profiles to say something like:

“With deep regret I have been forced to pull out of tonight’s event. I am fully supportive of the ethos behind the fundraiser but am not prepared to compromise my reputation by offering a substandard product. I hope that those who purchased tickets understand my position.”

I was going to suggest similar, otherwise they will blame you and try to trash your reputation.

You were stuck in a situation of "Damned if you do, and damned if you don't", but you did the right thing - what an intended buttery dish made with cheap catering marge would taste like, I dread to think! 😖

I quite like this one from @LightDrizzle

Sorry I won’t be running Friday’s workshop. I hadn’t realised butter and cream were beyond the committee’s budget and wasn’t alerted before they bought the ingredients. Sadly their substitutions won’t work for my recipes and methods but I’m sure it will a jolly event and I’m assured they can work with the ingredients as ordered. I will of course be there to support as an eager participant!

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/11/2023 12:06

rookiemere · 11/11/2023 11:54

Feels like they could be both at the same time.

Show quote history

Yes, I agree.

In my experience, these are not mutually exclusive qualities.

stillholly · 11/11/2023 12:11

rookiemere · 11/11/2023 11:44

They've really screwed you over, no good outcome for you. I just worry that pulling out makes DDs participation tricky in this future activity.

Could you purchase the most egregious replacements yourself and offset it as a charitable donation from your business?

This isn't a bad suggestion depending on what kind of outlay it would be for a sold out event. Baking type ingredients seem to have sky rocketed too.

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/11/2023 12:11

This is good, too - makes it obvious that you aren't responsible for refunds.

(Sorry not to credit it - I can't remember who posted it.)

so sorry to those of you who were attending x, I’m so sorry it was unable to run (don’t say why). I have not taken any money so if you want a refund please take it up with (charity) who can assist. Hope I can meet you at a class soon!

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/11/2023 12:15

VWdieselnightmare · 11/11/2023 09:20

I'd turn the whole thing into a massive joke against the Treasurer and make it clear that anything that goes wrong this evening isn't my fault and go ahead anyway, because protecting your reputation by cancelling peoples' Saturday night out could do more damage than bravely soldiering on against the odds. You'll have no control over what the people who've bought the tickets are told by the organisers. They could privately spread the word that you were impossible to deal with and ruin your reputation anyway. Who knows, if you're good at what you do maybe everything will be fine without your normal high-end ingredients. Make a virtue of coping. Remember, the people watching may have to cut corners themselves.

I'd open the evening's event with your usual introduction and saying how delighted I was to be there but add: 'Now, I need to be frank with you before we start. The organisers of this event said they'd provide all the ingredients I need to make XXX as usual and I provided them with a detailed list of my requirements, but it's become clear that quite a few things are missing because they were deemed too expensive or not of the quality I'd normally expect. I've been told that I'm going to have to work with what I've been given. So I'll be doing what I can with some unknown materials. But as we go along I'll tell you what I would normally expect to be using. So this evening will be something of an experiment. Let's see what happens, shall we?' You turn it into an adventure and none of what happens will be your fault.

Every time an ingredient is missing or not working as you'd like I'd say: 'Now at this point I'd usually add XXX, but apparently someone on the committee decided it was too expensive, so I'm going to improvise and have to use ZZZ and YYY instead.' Or 'Now, when you're doing this at home I suggest you buy XXX from Fortnum & Mason, which is what I usually use, but it will be interesting to see if the Lidl substitute will work just as well.'

You could make it very funny and make you and the audience complicit in the drama. And if your cake doesn't rise or your cookies don't crumble, you can blame the missing ingredients. Remember that there may be lots of people in your audience who wouldn't be able to afford the expensive ingredients anyway.

I think this would be far better for your reputation than calling off at the last minute. And if you ever get asked to do this again, make sure you get it in writing that they'll supply the ingredients you specify. I have some sympathy with the Treasurer, who needs to raise as much money as possible for the organisation. It would be really gutting to sell all the tickets and then find that half the income is going on ingredients. Add in the cost of the hall and other expenses and there may be very little to be made from the event.

Under no circumstances would I ever suggest this! 😦

Anyone who did this would look a complete and utter b*tch, even if everything they said was true.

OP did the right thing.

Drpawpawspaw · 11/11/2023 12:18

caffelattetogo · 10/11/2023 19:39

It's things like cheap catering margarine in place of butter, cans of uht squirty cream instead of clotted cream etc. this will taste very different and the cream won't hold its shape.

Yuck @caffelattetogo if I paid full price in expectation of your normal service I would have the hump about being offered a cheapo version!

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 11/11/2023 12:21

I'm still reeling at the notion that anyone could think you could replace clotted cream with squirty UHT cream. I'd have pulled out too.

I think they were probably hoping that you would be embarrassed into buying what was left out and replacing what wasn't suitable. Good for you for not caving.

DogInATent · 11/11/2023 12:23

weirdoboelady · 11/11/2023 11:48

They are either complete morons or entitled CFs. My vote is on the latter.

If this is a village hall committee it's probably entitled incompetence arising because of one or two members that no one competent is mad enough to agree to work alongside and no ones been able to engineer out. There will be a Hyacinth and a Colonel Mustard involved somewhere.