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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What am I in relation to this baby?

59 replies

Nmchnger · 09/11/2023 18:47

Before my husband and I met he was in a relationship with an older woman who had a child. The child was 11 when they met and was in her early 20's when they split up. She doesn't know who her biological father was (her mother either doesn't know or won't tell her). My now husband has been 'dad' to her for many years now, she's now in her early 30's, calls him dad and they have a normal father/adult daughter relationship.

She lives at the other end of the country but visits regularly and my family have embraced her as part of the family, with my parents joking she is the closest to a grandchild they'll have as both myself and my sister are child free.

She met her boyfriend a couple of years ago and they are now expecting a baby in the new year.

They and my husband are referring to him as 'grandad' but he keeps jokingly calling me 'granny'. He has done this in their presence and they seem to be OK with that. However even though she doesn't really get along with her mum, she is still most definitely in their lives and I am very conscious that this baby will already have a granny (2 in fact) and even though I've never met her mum I don't want to be seen to be usurping her. Any ideas what baby could call me?

OP posts:
shieldmaiden7 · 10/11/2023 09:30

My children have 3 grannies so it's not so uncommon. I think it's really nice that they've kept that bond with the whole family see you as granny to lo. Enjoy!

WeeBenny · 10/11/2023 09:31

My son calls both my dad and my mums partner Granda they have both been in his life since he was born. My dad doesn't mind

LadyEloise1 · 10/11/2023 09:33

Foodylicious · 09/11/2023 18:58

I think you let the baby's parent chose what to refer to you as and go with that.
I don't think you need to bring it up, let them do it.

I agree.

DryIce · 10/11/2023 09:36

My children have three granny figures- two grans.othwrs and my dad's partner. No one seems put out, I think lucky them having a bonus granny!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2023 10:01

Nmchnger · 09/11/2023 18:58

My parents on the other hand are already massively excited to be 'great-grandparents' and have already set up a bank account for the baby!

She's definitely family, so Granny or Nan or Nanny etc is fine.

You could always have a chat and say I know Dad keeps calling me Granny but I do understand if you'd prefer baby to call me just Sandra. It won't change how much I'll love them.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2023 10:04

maddiemookins16mum · 09/11/2023 20:31

This thread makes a refreshing change, what a lucky baby.

Absolutely.

Love does not diminish when divided, only grows stronger. This baby will live this

Thingamebobwotsit · 10/11/2023 10:08

Nmchnger · 09/11/2023 18:54

Thank you for your replies. I just don't want to upset her mum by automatically assuming the 'granny' title.

Could you ask then? We have multiple "Grannies" due to divorces etc and the only way we could do this was by asking up front.

HoHoHoliday · 10/11/2023 10:18

If you are worried about this you should just bring it up with her - say you are thrilled to be a grandmother to the baby but you are worried about treading on her own mother's toes and how should you approach it. Then you are opening the way for her to tell you exactly how she wants each relationship/role to be.
You and your DH and your family all sound wonderful 💚 What a lucky baby to be born into so much love.

AmazingSnakeHead · 10/11/2023 10:19

Aw I've loved reading this. What a lucky baby to be born into a family that loves them so much already!

I think granny is fine, but if you're worried you could ask your husband to have a quiet word with your daughter and just ask wants she'd prefer.

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