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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To preference a school 35 minutes away?

179 replies

Sallyh87 · 09/11/2023 13:20

Going through the process of filling out school selection forms. The best one is a 35 minute walk away and my DDs best friend from nursery is going to select this one. I can’t drive (disability) but DH can. DH can likely drive her 3 - 4 times a week due to WFH.

So my question

  • is a 35 minute walk too much for a four year old
  • would a closer but not as highly rated school be better
  • Is there any kind of older child pushchair I could use???

Granted, I am sure there is a bus service but I find buses so unreliable.

OP posts:
Doone22 · 10/11/2023 08:28

And this is why we're all fat and unfit. My 90yr old gran walked that every day to the shops.
And cycled 12 miles to work in her younger days

Abbyant · 10/11/2023 08:30

We live literally a 5 minute walk for my daughter primary and I hate walking with if it’s raining and freezing but atleast I’m home within 15 minutes over an hour would definitely be a no for me.

Doone22 · 10/11/2023 08:36

...everybody's parents and grandparents turning in their graves....

I literally can't comprehend the drivel I'm hearing about how far it is and how it's just too much.

I used to walk further in all weather's at that age because we didn't have cars and buses and if the roads were blocked with snow we'd go cross country instead.

And what's wrong with it making them tired? They're supposed to be!

I'm not telling anyone which school to pick but ffs what's wrong with you all that you can't manage a short stroll?

Westfacing · 10/11/2023 08:39

DS2 walked 25 minutes one way at aged 4 - it's perfectly do-able particularly as you say it will likely be only once or twice a week, plus there are buses.

LittleMooli · 10/11/2023 08:41

Don't choose a school because their nursery friend is going there. That's ridiculous

Louiseb85 · 10/11/2023 08:42

To be honest it's not very likely you will be given this school. So many parents think you get to choose where your child goes when really they just put you in the closest one most of the time. Your only chance is if the better school is under subscribed. And as others have mentioned you need to think about getting there and back for years, sometimes in rubbish weather. And can you get there quickly if she is ill or has an accident?

Passepartoute · 10/11/2023 08:50

Sallyh87 · 09/11/2023 13:34

Thanks all, you have kind of clarified my thoughts on this.

To answer questions

  • Yes bizarrely, just in the catchment area
  • My husbands job will never return to the office. It was probably two days a week in the office before Covid, one day now.

I am going to preference the school a 15 minute walk away. Even though the other is lovely, the one close is rated good and will work for us.

Thanks again x

Bear in mind that being in the catchment area still doesn't guarantee you a place. I wouldn't necessarily count on getting into a school 15 minutes' walk away, either, if it's likely to be popular. You need at least one school close to your home on your list.

Passepartoute · 10/11/2023 08:51

I'm not telling anyone which school to pick but ffs what's wrong with you all that you can't manage a short stroll?

2 hours 20 minutes walking every day is hardly a short stroll.

Westfacing · 10/11/2023 08:55

It's not every day - the OP says husband will take 3 or 4 days a week, plus she also said there are buses!!

margotrose · 10/11/2023 08:57

Westfacing · 10/11/2023 08:55

It's not every day - the OP says husband will take 3 or 4 days a week, plus she also said there are buses!!

It's still not a walk I'd want to be doing it with a four year old in the depths of winter.

Also, buses cost money and don't always run.

Ittastesvile · 10/11/2023 08:58

I don't think it's too far but personally I'd be cycling with kiddo either on their own bike or tandem attachment.

We have an activity a 41 min walk away, and whilst I could walk it with dc it'd take forever. There's also a massive hill in the way. Cycling is fine though.

margotrose · 10/11/2023 09:01

ffs what's wrong with you all that you can't manage a short stroll?

I walk 10-15km a day at work but that doesn't mean I would fancy dragging a grumpy, tired toddler home in the pouring rain after school.

You can be perfectly capable of doing something and not want to actually do it.

Wonderously · 10/11/2023 09:04

Have you visited the school? Go for the most nurturing option but consider play dates are easier if closer

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 10/11/2023 09:06

Due to all our local schools being oversubscribed, we ended up with a school 35 mins walk away. For an adult. Unfortunately, 4 year olds take considerably longer to walk that distance.

It was a bloody misery. I was spending a minimum of two hours 10 minutes every weekday, plodding backwards and forwards.

Some days, it felt as if I'd barely got back home, before I had to leave to do pick-up.

Sjh15 · 10/11/2023 09:07

My mum, out of choice, made us walk 30/40 mins to school every single day for years. She does drive. I found it madness. She used to say along the lines of ‘it sets a good example for when you’re older’. Trust me, it didn’t. I failed to understand the need. We walked home from school as well. Even if it was raining. She would walk with us obviously. I still don’t understand it now. We would only get in the car if we absolutely had to, say a storm. It made me resent her a bit at the time. And now, looking back

while a ‘short stroll’ never hurt anyone, walking in total an hour and a half on top of a full day at school plus activities in the evening it was a lot. I never even considered she had to walk double the distance to come home and go back out again. Madness.

Original poster
Sallyh87 · 10/11/2023 09:09

Thanks all for all the advice.

I agree that it would be very miserable. Today is raining heavily and my husband has driven DD to nursery and it’s only about an 8 minute walk. The thought of walking for an hour now (or waiting for a bus) with a toddler is not appealing at all. Drip feed, I also have a baby under 1 and I cannot cycle.

I am not saying (and no one else was either), that it isn’t possible, just that it would be unpleasant and unnecessary.

Ive booked in to see all the schools today and next week. So unless I walk into some kind of Dickensian workhouse I shall be placing the closest school as number 1.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Kats43 · 10/11/2023 09:09

Yes did that with my oldest, what a hassle it was and school wasn’t that great anyway, convenience and opportunity for kids to make local friends much more important. Would only now not send the children to the most local school if really awful

Kats43 · 10/11/2023 09:11

Plus don’t forget the expense too, even a school 5 miles away you would end up spending what is a good proportion of most families disposable income in petrol

CastleTower · 10/11/2023 09:18

Well this thread has been depressing. We're currently choosing primary schools and our nearest are 25, 30 and 35 minutes' walk away. We live in a city centre. (Small city.)

Worrying me slightly that so many people would consider these "not local"...!

margotrose · 10/11/2023 09:22

while a ‘short stroll’ never hurt anyone, walking in total an hour and a half on top of a full day at school plus activities in the evening it was a lot.

Exactly. I do think some posters are being wilfully obtuse tbh.

To me, a short stroll means a nice wander with a friend and the dogs, maybe with a cup of coffee or some music if I'm alone. It means not having to rush and not being on a schedule.

It's not walking at the pace of a 4yo, probably carrying all their stuff and listening to them complain that they're cold, or wet, or tired. It's also not rushing them along because they keep dawdling and registration is in five minutes and you need to get to work.

AutumnNamechange · 10/11/2023 09:22

By age 4 or 5 a child should have no problem with a 35 min walk after school - unless there are physical reasons why not. It’s a great way to catch up on the day with them and decompress after school. They might moan the first few times, but it would soon just become a normal part of their day..

If walking is a real problem though a scooter is an ideal solution, the parent can even pull it along if the child is really unable to walk. There are lots of families, including us, who do a similar time of walk in my area - once they get the child into the school they move a bit further away as the tiny catchment area is eye wateringly expensive both to buy and rent. Although to be fair we do have the option of a reliable bus if the weather is truly awful so probably the closer school would make more sense for the OP as they don’t have this option.

margotrose · 10/11/2023 09:23

CastleTower · 10/11/2023 09:18

Well this thread has been depressing. We're currently choosing primary schools and our nearest are 25, 30 and 35 minutes' walk away. We live in a city centre. (Small city.)

Worrying me slightly that so many people would consider these "not local"...!

I wouldn't consider any of those "close" but it's different if you don't have a choice.

GotMooMilk · 10/11/2023 09:24

Good choice OP- our DC school is a 12 min a walk and that’s absolutely fine even in the pouring rain! We never ever drive (except occasionally to collect from after school club) because the traffic and parking is a nightmare. It’s lovely having their friends close by too!

HMW1906 · 10/11/2023 09:27

How would you feel doing the 35 minutes, presumably each way so 1h10 walk, in the middle of winter when it’s 2 degrees and raining? Or in the summer when it’s 26-27 degrees and blistering sun? You need to think about all the possibilities.

I’d go with a closer school.

bumblebee1987 · 10/11/2023 09:31

Make sure you find out the stats for how many children get in from out of catchment, because where I live, there isn't a single chance you'd get into an out of catchment school, and by putting it as your first choice, you'd then likely lose the catchment school that you could have got and be placed in a rubbish school miles away. This would be a dangerous game to play in my area!