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Do some families still send Boys to Private (Public) Schools while sending Girls to State Schools

61 replies

Coldcaller · 08/11/2023 21:09

My family could have been described as solidly Upper Middle Class my father was a Criminal Lawyer who was public School educated along with his brother and two generations before him. My mother was also Public School educated and Oxford University, before deciding she wanted to serve society, because money was not a problem. My mother therefore became a teacher but would only teach in Grammar Schools. This was the furthest she was prepared to go, in terms of her public service.

Thus it was always certain my brother would follow his father to Prep and then Public School and of course he did. However, there was never any chance that neither I nor my Sister would be given any Private schooling. For us it was the local Primary and then my mum's Grammar School if we passed the 11+. That was not certain for me and i remember my mother telling me that I will go to the school that suits my ability and whether i was Grammar caliber. In the end i passed and from that moment on during my schooling my mother continually called me a 'lazy' underachiever non more so than my 2:2 from a very ordinary University. This in contrast to both siblings Firsts from Oxford and Cambridge respectively. My mum finally apologized to me many years later when I was finely diagnosed with the 'jackpot' of Autism, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia Dyspraxia and Irlens which tend to co -exist within ASD diagnosis .

However, back to the question of the thread, i know of several well of parents of friends at the time who were equally misogynistic about their daughters schooling.

OP posts:
Keepgoing88 · 08/11/2023 23:01

Yes this was my friend parents ‘theory’ . My parents still believe this! They didn’t have any sons so saved a fortune haha

Keepgoing88 · 08/11/2023 23:02

@Mumof2teens79 Yes this was my friend parents ‘theory’ . My parents still believe this! They didn’t have any sons so saved a fortune haha

Coldcaller · 08/11/2023 23:03

Gertude: To be fair to my mother because i had developed a very advanced coping strategy and was exceptional verbally . I am for instance a very good public speaker and due to my Autism have a memory where i can real off facts figures stats at random. This is why perhaps my mother could not understand why i was a B/C pupil at GCSE and BCC at A Level. The facts and instant recall probably saving me there from D and E grades.

I was told years later by a Clinical Psychologist that 'Bright Children' with disabilities who obtained D and E grades at GCSE in the 1990 had done exceptionally !

OP posts:
Coldcaller · 08/11/2023 23:04

Exceptionally good verbally ....

OP posts:
Coldcaller · 08/11/2023 23:07

And of course at University i had to rewrite my essays three times. I seemed to be the only one working, while everybody else was having a good time.

OP posts:
Mumof2teens79 · 08/11/2023 23:12

Keepgoing88 · 08/11/2023 23:02

@Mumof2teens79 Yes this was my friend parents ‘theory’ . My parents still believe this! They didn’t have any sons so saved a fortune haha

Those I know that have used that justification genuinely believe it's about the individual needs of the child and its just random that the responsible child is the girl and the one needing a firmer hand is the boy.....I am not convinced. In fairness in both cases the girl is the oldest. I wonder how much of the boys behaviour is down to how their parents treat them.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/11/2023 23:29

Coldcaller · 08/11/2023 23:03

Gertude: To be fair to my mother because i had developed a very advanced coping strategy and was exceptional verbally . I am for instance a very good public speaker and due to my Autism have a memory where i can real off facts figures stats at random. This is why perhaps my mother could not understand why i was a B/C pupil at GCSE and BCC at A Level. The facts and instant recall probably saving me there from D and E grades.

I was told years later by a Clinical Psychologist that 'Bright Children' with disabilities who obtained D and E grades at GCSE in the 1990 had done exceptionally !

Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude, I was trying to be supportive.

It does sound like you did very well in the circumstances.

You sounds quite a lot like me in your update if I’m honest - my A levels were my best point though because they were all things I was very interested in.

My brothers and I all went to the same mixed comp - in fact my youngest brother got CCD at A level and he’s by far the highest earner of the three of us. I got the best “academics” of the three and a now the lowest earner. Often feel like the poor relation as I’m also the only one of the three of us with children! Expensive children!

Coldcaller · 09/11/2023 09:48

Gertude: I know you were not being rude, its just for some reason a couple of posters randomly choose this thread to be rude to me . I don't know why but there are some nasty people around. Generally these people have nothing constructive to offer and have boring and bland lives !

OP posts:
bibblebubblebobble · 09/11/2023 10:06

This thread has really shocked me. I guess, because I grew up in a south London housing estate and went to a failing all girls state school, I don't know anyone of middle or upper classes that could afford private schools.

So I simply never knew this existed in our society, I just assumed people gave their kids equal education whatever that may be

AIstolemylunch · 09/11/2023 10:14

I don't have daughters but I can categorically state that I would not have done this. All the families I know with both boys and girls that have sent the boys to independent have also done the same for the girls (either same school if coed or different school if single sex). I have sons at a boys independent and the vast, vast, vast majority of the boys sister's go to the girls independent up the road, or another independent co-ed and most then try and join them in sixth form, when girls join the school (not always successful as entrance requirements are high).

This isn't still a thing round here, but then it's mainly hard working professionals sending their kids to private school. Maybe the aristo types still do this? I'd be surprised though. In fact what's more common round here is boys to state grammar, girls to independent.

AIstolemylunch · 09/11/2023 10:32

I have sons who are at or went to 3 different independent schools in South London/Surrey so I must know or know of 5 or 600 families that also have or had kids at these schools and I honestly cannot think of one where only the boy was offered private education. So I really don't think this is that common anymore, thankfully, and sorry to the women who were treated like second class children in the past.

I really am wracking my brains and I can't think of any round here. I know people at work who have boys state (becasue the boys werent at all academic so 'no point' and girls private. And I know families where the girl opted to go to state sixth form college at 16 instead of staying at private school sixth form, but very much their choice at that point. I really, really can't think of anyone that has a girl in a state school and a boy in an independent. There might be some girls at the local grammar schools whose brothers didn't get into the equivalent boys grammars and so went to an independent school, but I don't know any. And they would be considered the second class child in that situation round here.

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