AIBU to be thinking about not returning from mat leave?

[HollyLondoner]

I work in a very old school giant corporate who don't approve part time work or job shares. The first thing my boss told me when I said I was pregnant was that I can't come back part time but I've submitted a flexible working request to try my luck.

Long story short, they were shit when I was pregnant and had written me off as soon as I told them. Now I'm away from my job, I do not miss it or the people and maybe I needed time to reflect.

My partner earns 50k so around £2500 a month and our outgoings currently are around £1500 including everything. This might change with mortgage rates next year.

If I returned full time (30k) on £1900 a month and paid £1600 for nursery I would be £300 better off.

I do not owe them mat pay as they pay bonuses for returning instead.

AIBU for not returning and looking for something better? I don't feel any loyalty anymore.

My partner has also suggested waiting until our baby is 2 so we'd hopefully get 30 hours if the new changes go ahead. Also really struggling to find part time work that pays a decent wage.

Thoughts?

Honestly if you'd rather be at home and you'll only be £300 a month better off going back I think it's a no brainer! You can reassess when you're entitled to the funded hours if you want to.

I'd 100% use the time to look for something more suitable.

You don't enjoy your job and it sounds as though they are not particularly loyal or sympathetic. I would think about retraining or changing the employer.

Probably not worth going back but they are potentially discriminating against you. Need to look at legality of what they are doing.

If I returned full time (30k) on £1900 a month and paid £1600 for nursery I would be £300 better off.

you forget career progression, pension contributions and now hard it can be to rejoin the workforce. Also, you are talking about a partner, not husband. I would never give up work in these circumstances. What is your housing situation?

I personally wouldn’t consider being a SAHM unless married and with really clear arrangements re pensions, property and division of labour.

@Pelegrinfalcon we are married but she's my wife rather than husband. Was just keeping things neutral saying partner.

Career profession is the only factor to return really and I understand it's hard to get work once you're out of the workforce.

@piglet81 we are both on the mortgage, joint wills, have pensions.

I obviously do most of the care as I carried him and am off but she's very hands on and does all the laundry and cleaning as well as looking after the baby.

Definitely don’t go back!

They have done nothing to help you, and they are obviously very backward in their thinking regarding part time working etc.

Go back - stay for whatever time you need to get your bonus and continue to look for other work in the meantime. Yes, part time work is hard to find, but not impossible. If you can do freelance or consultancy then consider that, but make sure you pay your pension, keep your contacts and skills up to date, and look for opportunities to progress.

Once you take your foot off the pedal people pretty much forget about you. If you do anything digital, for example, 2 years out of the market is career suicide. By then they’ve realised they can employ someone younger, cheaper, and with more up to date qualifications and skills.

I was a SAHM for 5 years, and adored it. It was honestly the best thing I have ever done.

I did some voluntary work when my eldest started at Primary School, and this impressed my next employer after my 5 year career break.

Find a new job if you don’t like the one you are doing, it’s not worth being unhappy. But, you need to stop thinking about it as ‘I’ll only be £300 better off”. Assuming you are not having to foot the whole nursery bill you will be £1.1k better off. You will also have pension contributions, paid holidays, and any other benefits the company offers.

@Torganer sorry to sound dim but how would I be 1.1k better off? We would only have £300 a month extra between off no?

How long do you have to go back for to get your bonus and how much is the bonus?

You won't be 300pcm better off - childcare isn't solely your cost.

What's the plan for your pension?

It's easier to find a job when you're already employed. Stick with it for the sake of your future earnings potential, pension and CV.

@Mumofteenandtween after 6 months I would get 6 weeks extra pay for about £3k but I would have to pay for full time nursery for 6 months which is way more than that.

We also don't have family support unfortunately so that's not an option.

Ok using partner people are going to think you are unmarried which isn't a safe financial situation to be in off work.

Well you will be £1.1k better off but at the same time your partner will be £800 pm worse off, if you kept separate finances and shared the nursery bill.

But the net result is that the household is only £300 pm better off, minus any commuting or other costs (extra clothes, lunches etc).

Could you instead work a bit in the evenings/a weekend shift to earn some money while your partner looks after DC?

Finally, are you sure about her salary, £2.5k take home on £50k is quite a bit lower than it should be - I take home £3k on that amount with quite large pension contributions.

I was in a similar position after I had DD, no option to return part time, no flexible working, I found a new job while on mat leave and only went back to work my notice.

Not working at all wasn't an option I wanted to take and I was thankful for that decision when I eventually got divorced. I know you don't anticipate getting divorced but no one does.

@HollyLondoner
you earn £1900. Nursery is £1600, split between 2 people is £800 each. £1900-800 is £1100.

Yes, the other half will come out of your partner’s salary, and you probably have a shared pot. But, it’s just the mindset. It reinforces the misconception that mothers should pay all the child expenses (have seen this on here so many times). Many mothers phrase it like this and because many earn less than their partner, they feel working isn’t worth it, but there are so many other benefits (unless you want to be a SAHP). People never say to the person who hasn’t birthed the baby, ‘oh there’s no point you working as you’ll only get X amount’.

But if you hate the job, then definitely look for something else!

It will be around 2,5k if the person has student loans (plan 2 and postgrad)

There is a part of me that would be as stubborn as fuck and want to go back FT enough to get the bonuses as a way of saying "see, don't write me off because I had a baby"

But that's not a healthy attitude I acknowledge that.

Life is too short to go back to a job that makes you feel crap, for £300 a month. Just cut back on bits and bobs where you can and find a job that brings you joy ☺️ x

You can go back and start to look for something else - you don't have to leave it for two years.