To want my therapist to share my religion

[Boughtthewrongone]

I have been seeing a private therapist for depression for several months now. Just recently a topic has unexpectedly come up in our sessions. It is a “big life issue” (think dying and bereavement - it’s not that one but something along those lines) that we all have to deal with at some point.

I consider myself to be practising a particular religion, and while normally I don’t have any issue with relationships with people from other religions, I’ve realised it does shape my worldview and my perspective on things, especially these big issues. I don’t know one way or another what religion (if any) my therapist is. But I’m struggling to be completely honest and open with them about this big issue and how I feel about it as I’m not sure if they’ll totally get where I’m coming from.

AIBU?

I'm not a therapist. ExDH was clinical psychologist and I remember having this discussion with him. Apparently the role of a psychotherapist / psychologist, as first mooted by Freud but since further developed obviously, is that they are a sort of neutral sounding board, a gentle questioner, this is apparently the best way to explore the patient's "neuroses" (or whatever the modern correct clinical word is!).

Apparently insisting on a therapist with certain sympathetic beliefs can compromise the patient's ability to fearlessly explore their issues and can be used as a way of avoidance on the part of the patient, or a way to subconsciously reinforce existing "neuroses".

He gave me an example of a conservative religious Christian father who fears his son is gay, so ensures he has a therapist who also shares fundamentalist Christian views. Or another example, a patient with anorexia whose therapist knows a lot about eating disorders and is very skilled but still not fully psychologically recovered from her own anorexia.

Something about bias and projection, i can't remember everything he said, just his emphasis on neutrality (although he used a different fancier word lol) in the approach to the therapy. 'Neutrality' is how the patient gets the best results.

I suppose a more current example would be whether 'trans affirming' therapists are the best bet for teens who may feel gender dysphoric but not sure if they are trans or not.

Now I'm not a psychologist and I know there's a massive difference between clinical psychology and 'therapy' which is usually something quite different. And of course there must be loads of clients who would prefer a therapist of a particular gender, sexuality, religion etc. Plus there's also a need for trauma-informed therapy where say a rape survivor wanted a woman therapist. I don't know all the ins and outs, just that in clinical psychology, this neautrality thing, in the approach to the patiernt, is key, the therapist should not be forming the treatment through the framework of their own beliefs to the extent that is possible of course.

Hopefully an actual clinician will shortly be along to explain it better!

YANBU at all. I have requested a therapist from a similar cultural background to me as it will just be easier to not need to go into every tiny detail about how things are in my community when each session is a limited time. It wasn’t an issue on their end at all, it just meant that I may have a longer wait time to find a suitable therapist.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable and services will be used to such requests.

Theres pros and cons to it.
I am in a similar field and some of this will depend on the nuances around modalities of therapy, if its actually counselling. Lots of replies focus on advice giving but in reality that's not what some modalities of therapy do.

Sharing the same faith can be helpful as described above for a shorthand. However it can be misleading

Everyone has their own relationship with faith, and even people of the same detonation with faith might have great differences.

Say we are talking about something like porn use (as someone described above) and for example I'm Catholic, you're Catholic. I might assume that the way you feel about this issues is sculpted by one bit of scripture but actually that might not be the case and you might value an opposing bit more. We would both have different Bible interpretations and put emphasis on different scripture etc.

Unless you find someone who shares 100% on your beliefs and is on the same page as you about everything. In reality any form of assumption is dangerous. In my view reality the question should always be posed to you rather than as assumption.

Eg, what are your beliefs about this, what has shaped that? Why is it important to you?

However you should have a therapist who you feel respects your beliefs, and that you feel comfortable with.

I think it's worth thinking about what you are hoping for. Someone above sounds like they got spiritual advice where someone pointed them towards scripture etc, others might rather someone say "what do you think? How do you weigh this up?"