To want my therapist to share my religion

[Boughtthewrongone]

I have been seeing a private therapist for depression for several months now. Just recently a topic has unexpectedly come up in our sessions. It is a “big life issue” (think dying and bereavement - it’s not that one but something along those lines) that we all have to deal with at some point.

I consider myself to be practising a particular religion, and while normally I don’t have any issue with relationships with people from other religions, I’ve realised it does shape my worldview and my perspective on things, especially these big issues. I don’t know one way or another what religion (if any) my therapist is. But I’m struggling to be completely honest and open with them about this big issue and how I feel about it as I’m not sure if they’ll totally get where I’m coming from.

AIBU?

Out of interest I don't necessarily see why?

Surely religion is just another framework to operate within.

In clinical practice it is perfectly understandable if a patient wants support from their faith group or leader.

A good friend of mine had excellent experiences with a therapist from her culture/ to a lesser extent religion. He tacitly understood some of the expectations and issues that applied to her culture that she felt would have taken quite a bit of unpicking with someone who didn't understand 'how things are'. The root of some of her problems are from family behaviour which may be why she specifically wanted someone who did get it.

Perhaps for her own assurance rather than nobody else being able to help her but if that helps the patient why shouldn't they try and find the therapist that fits them?

This.

I know a lot of therapist who share my faith and that's why they went into there field.

For me it's important since my faith is a mind field and a constant struggle x

Nor did I. I don't think it's a sign of weak faith, that's how I felt at the time. I needed help seeing that wasn't the case and a non-believer couldn't have done that, or understood why it was such a problem for me.

I insisted on a female therapist when I sought help - was I being discriminatory?

It's a really interesting question. I know that my psychiatrist is of a different faith and I'm mindful of that but, faith aside, I know we also have broader philosophical differences on things like assisted dying, the sanctity of human life, the interaction between capacity and some mental health conditions. I don't feel that it interferes with the therapeutic process though and we have, to some extent, agreed to disagree. I think maybe because I'm an atheist and these are framed as academic disagreements, it's easier to separate them out from the actual work of therapy. I can see, however, that it might be different through the lens of having your own faith though.

I’m not religious but if I was then for certain things I’d definitely want a therapist that shared the same religion, so they could understand my POV better.

I would have asked around before I started therapy though.

I think some subjects it wouldn’t matter what religion they were but I definitely think there are some areas where you’d want the advice to come from a certain place.

I would be quite surprised if therapists brought religion into it though and I’d wonder what difference a therapist vs a priest would be when it comes to advice.

I really don't understand why they need to share a religion - surely that isn't part of their job

I would absolutely want a therapist with my faith, Catholic. I could imagine a therapist saying eg porn use is totally normal when in the Catholic faith it is a sin.

I'm so sorry about your Gran. I'm so happy that you've found some positivity in going back to Church. When we are weak, He is strong x

@Darkdiamond I am weak, but thou art mighty, hold me with thy powerful hand.

I needed this! ❤️

Seems reasonable to me — even if you don't want therapy that's explicitly based around a particular religious worldview (e.g. "Christian counselling"), it can be helpful to have therapy with someone who gets what it's like to be someone like you. If you're a white female 30-something middle-class British-born non-religious client, it's going to be pretty easy to find a therapist who intrinsically understands most of the assumptions and values baked into your social/family/lifestyle context and cultural background.

There's a well-known concept in therapy, and healthcare more broadly, of "cultural competence", which is about how to provide effective care for people from different cultural backgrounds, because it's recognised that a lack of understanding of somebody's culture can be a barrier to effective treatment. Religion is part of culture, so sharing a religious background would make it easier to feel like the therapist understands what you're saying without having to explain everything all the time.

I’d wonder what difference a therapist vs a priest would be when it comes to advice.

For one thing, a therapist shouldn't be giving advice, whether they share your religion or not.

Therapists are not supposed to express personal opinions. Whether porn use is 'normal' or not is an opinion.

No, of course not.

Going against the grain a bit here (and I do have some counselling training), I think it's perfectly OK if you feel more comfortable with a therapist who shares your religion, but it's definitely worth reflecting/ thinking about why it feels so important to you.

If this is something you would like to know about the therapist, you might want to look for a therapist using a person-centred/ humanistic approach, rather than psychodynamic - as a psychodymanic therapist is very unlikely to share anything at all about themselves as a person - it's just not part of that approach.

Either way, it is definitely worth taking this thought to your next session and talking through why it feels important to you. Your therapist should then help you find a way forward whether that is continuing with them or finding a different therapist.

I think if you want a therapist that’s a certain religion it’s your job to seek one out that is advertising that.

I think it’s entirely wrong to expect or request your existing therapist to disclose something so personal when they aren’t sharing that already.

I'm with you OP! Secular therapists can be very biased against religious beliefs, some times you need someone of a faith background to give you that greater understanding.
Everyone being dismissive on this thread is exactly the point - non-faith people just don't get it.

If he’s practicing UPR which he should be then it shouldn’t matter. Therapists literally hear everything and nothing you could say would shock him. Just today my therapist could tell I was holding something back and told me to rip the proverbial plaster off and spit it out so I did and it was fine. Just say it. Even if you had a therapist with the same religion it wouldn’t matter because a proper therapist wouldn’t be putting their opinion in anyway.

I can see that it would be an issue for some people, if you were for example JW

You need to feel really comfortable with a counsellor... could be that you aren't content with their age, gender, their appearance, their tone of voice or mannerisms. Many people will struggle to 'click' with a counsellor because maybe they remind them of someone who was harmful to them in the past in some way. Because of the nature of the service provided its for the client to decide who they want to open up to. I went through a number of counsellors before I settled with one I just felt very emotionally safe with. There was nothing wrong with the others I just didn't feel like their personality was a good match for mine. A vibe is enough.

Not read the entire thread, or able to engage further, however -

It's not at all unreasonable to seek out a therapist who shares your culture or faith. Almost all psychotherapeutic modalities have been developed through a western judeo-christian lens, which can be unhelpful or even harmful for people of other cultures and faiths. This is beginning to receive more research attention.

Also, within predominantly secular Western societies, any person of any faith might experience a barrier which hinders awareness and empathy when working with a therapist of no faith, or a different faith.

Not what you need when trying to heal!

If you're not comfortable, or feel you need something or someone different to be able to work more deeply, please do move on.

Then they are not doing their job properly. That's entirely the fault of those individuals and I say that as a Christian who has worked as a secular counsellor. Many counselors will have a faith but choose not to disclose it because its not about them. There's no way to know unless it's something you discuss up front with your counsellor.

Why are you making this specifically about faith vs non-faith? If anyone's being dismissive here, it's you.

As I was talking about earlier, providing good therapy is easier when the therapist has an understanding of the implicit and underlying stuff in the person's life, their social/family circles and worldview — and sometimes sharing a religious background can help with that. But there's no need, or justification, to single out "non-faith people" as being uniquely cloth-eared on this front. I'm a "non-faith person" who posted about why it can make sense to want a therapist who shares your religion, and I don't appreciate being lumped into a group of people who you assume are "dismissive" of this preference because "non-faith people just don't get it".

There's nothing wrong with preferring a therapist with particular personal characteristics — often women may prefer a female therapist, people from an ethnic minority background may prefer a therapist who shares that background, gay/lesbian/bisexual people might prefer a therapist who expresses belonging to that group, and so on.

But broad, blunt "faith" vs "non-faith" categorisation is a strange way to classify therapists (and MN posters). I'm sure there's plenty of hyper-religious "therapists" out there, of various religions that you don't happen to belong to, whose beliefs and ways of bringing those beliefs into the therapy you personally would find far more alien and obtrusive than the practising style of a typical non-religious professional therapist, one who understands and incorporates the principles of respectful secular practice (i.e. providing therapy which doesn't depend on a particular religion or prescribe particular beliefs for clients).