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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you have back up childcare

100 replies

Emeraldrings · 08/11/2023 11:31

If you have a child of nursery age or young primary school do you have back up childcare option?
If they are sick and you have to collect them do you have people you can leave your children with?
Or do you and your partner (if you have one)sort it between you? I have zero back up except for DH and work are always on my back when I need time off. Are we that unusual to not have back up childcare?
Just to add DH does more than 50%of sick days so it's not like it's me who always has time off

OP posts:
TVaddict23 · 08/11/2023 11:33

Grandparents, but if they are ill then I wouldn't want them to pass it on so me or DH would just have to be off work or if possible wfh.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 08/11/2023 11:34

Yes we have family (grandparents mainly but also my DDs aunts and uncles) who can and have stepped in for odd days here and there, but also have a few frienda who can help out too due to different working patterna. And vice versa as i've looked after friends/families sick kids on occassion.

We made sure we have stayed living close to frienda and familiy before we had kids

SgtJuneAckland · 08/11/2023 11:36

No, just us, grandparents still mainly work, and they used to have him one day a week when younger, but not now they also live an hour and an hour and a half away so no good in an emergency. DH and I have to manage between us, we both work FT

PestilencialCrisis · 08/11/2023 11:39

I'm a single parent so it all falls to me. I manage with a combination of taking annual leave or making up the hours after the children are in bed. I can work from home though, so appreciate that this wouldn't be the case if I were a doctor or a teacher or a mechanic or worked in retail/hospitality where you have to physically be present at set times.

I wouldn't ask my parents to look after a sick child due to their own health issues and risk of passing things on.

HousePlantNeglect · 08/11/2023 11:41

Just me and DH. We take turns of either taking a day off or swapping a working day (as we both work PT).

cadburyegg · 08/11/2023 11:41

My only back up is that I can wfh if my boss approves but it depends on how unwell they are and how much work I can get done. Otherwise I'd take AL. The kids dad is far too important to take time off for a sick child and I wouldn't offload a vomiting child onto my mum.

LG93 · 08/11/2023 11:52

My mum is retired and her (perfectly reasonable!) Boundary is that she'll help if she's free but she won't change her plans to help me out unless it's a dire emergency and I'm absolutely desperate. Usually me and DH will muddle along between us, we used to alternate but now we weigh up whose commitments are more important on a given day which works better for us and allows us to keep our respective workplaces on board! Appreciate that may not work for everyone depending on roles!

Tdcp · 08/11/2023 12:03

We have none, it's down to me and DP for childcare and that's it. No parents on my side, a dad on DPs but he works with his dad so he can't do childcare anyway. It's rough sometimes but we muddle through.

SnapdragonToadflax · 08/11/2023 12:05

Not really - one grandparent available nearby who will help in emergencies but wouldn't cover illness, which is fair enough. Other set of parents live an hour away, only aunt and uncle live four hours away. Friends all work more or less full time.

My job is fairly flexible in terms of hours and we can both WFH and/or take holiday at short notice, so that's how we manage it.

Torganer · 08/11/2023 12:07

No, nothing. We take it in turns.

BeingGivenMoney · 08/11/2023 12:08

I have a 9 and 6 year old.

Up until 3 weeks ago we have never had back up and either me or DH had to take the day off work if one of the children were sick, or leave work if they took sick whilst at nursery/school and needed collecting.

Notamum12345577 · 08/11/2023 12:08

My job got really funny about 1 day when mine were young. But like most people we know, 1 worked full time and the other SAHP or very part time, so usually the situation didn’t arise luckily.

ItsThatTimeAgainXmas · 08/11/2023 12:09

Yes I do but not to sound silly - probiotics have been a life changer for us and our kids. Age 7 and 2 they are hardly ever ill (touch wood). We use boots kids 4+ probiotics and a powdered version Holland and barrett for the 2 year old.

arintingly · 08/11/2023 12:11

Nope, it's just me and DH

CroccyWoccy · 08/11/2023 12:14

Nope - we have some friends/neighbours who can collect our DC from school or look after them for a couple of hours in an emergency.

Fortunately we can WFH most of the time and they’re old enough to occupy themselves if it’s just a routine day off sick, so it’s not often a problem . We used an emergency childminder a few times when they were younger.

Turfwars · 08/11/2023 12:15

We moved to DH's home place when DS was 5 and starting school, and it was the best thing we ever did despite it being a killer commute for us. Then DH got a WFH option which helped enormously.

We have a few relatives nearby for emergencies, and the people on our street are people that DH grew up with so there's regularly favours traded with regard to lifts/emergency things that crop up. We can rely on people because we've done likewise for others.

If I was to count it up, I'd say I have about 10-20 trusted people who's numbers I could call to do school pickup and hold on to DS for a few hours in an emergency which is bloody amazing really.

But I am aware that my intergenerational village network is pretty rare - and we certainly didn't have that in the 9 years we lived in a city suburb apartment, we had nobody to help and it was really tough.

lightelmqueen · 08/11/2023 12:17

I'm currently a sahm so it hasn't been an issue but I'm looking to go back to work in January when my youngest can start the local nursery. Once that happens we will have no back up childcare. My parents both still work and live 45 minutes away, my mil is older and finds it difficult looking after the kids by herself.

Invisimamma · 08/11/2023 12:17

If they're sick I don't have any back up, it needs to be me or dp as I don't have anyone else that would be willing to look after sick children.

In an emergency like a hospital appointment, clashing work schedule, etc I have a few options, my own mum (who also works full time so it's evenings and weekends only for her) and a couple of local 'mum friends' who we do favours for each other.

Kalodin · 08/11/2023 12:18

We haven't any back up for when kids are ill. I had one previous employer who was absolutely no empathy and their answer was that people should pay for a "sick nanny" (which I did look up and couldn't actually find this to be a thing, at least not in my area).

Thankfully our kids are rarely ill!

Original poster
Emeraldrings · 08/11/2023 12:18

I keep getting told I need backup childcare at work , though I don't even take much time off. Grandparents are either elderly or disabled or both. Most of my family work and same with friends. Thankfully my sister has offered to help this afternoon but that's just because she's on A/L this week, normally we have no one and not sure how to change it. Unfortunately no WFH, due to our jobs.

OP posts:
OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 08/11/2023 12:19

Nope we have no one. At a push I could ask a cousin if something very urgent came up but otherwise we have to sort it/take leave/work with them here from home/work flexi hours if possible.

mindutopia · 08/11/2023 12:22

Nope, no back up childcare of any sort. We don't have any family nearby. MIL could in theory travel to us, but it would involve a longer journey than would really be practical and she wouldn't be quick enough in an emergency. Dh and I could almost always get there faster. And she would have to bring the bloody dog, and we'd have to sort food, etc. for her and a bed to stay over in.

It's so much less hassle for one of us to just take off work to care for our child, than to sort out caring for a poorly child, and a puppy, and MIL. MIL also has a medical condition which means we can't really leave her to look after dc for any length of time - 2 hours probably fine - but we need to sort of keep an eye on her and make sure she is taking her meds properly, otherwise she gets ill.

As you can see, it's so much more straightforward just to do it ourselves. Rather than add a dog and a grandparent with health issues to the mix, never mind an extra person to feed and house, while looking after a poorly child. In my industry, no one (except for one colleague who has a nanny) has back up childcare. We all either take off with our dc or we WFH and try to carry on as best we can.

Turfwars · 08/11/2023 12:22

My job also can be done fully remotely now (pandemic was a bloody godsend in that regard!) and I now WFH 2 days a week. DH is off on illness leave at the moment but when he goes back to job hunting it will be for something with that flexibility as well.

So where it used to be I'd get shit from my supervisor for having to leave work and take unpaid leave and leave them hanging, I can now leave, get DS and park him on the sofa with some calpol and log in again to make up the time and get the tasks done. And it benefits the company too. I'm grateful that they don't give a shit what time I take or for what reason and as a result, I will always put my shoulder to the wheel when they really need me, and that's massively appreciated by them.

Mary46 · 08/11/2023 12:24

No op had no backup. Def adds more stress on.. but they older now. Was lucky werent sick too often.

RockAndRollerskate · 08/11/2023 12:25

No, DH and I both do hybrid working with one of us WFH each weekday. Whichever one is WFH will get the sick children.

Grandparents work and I wouldn’t be willing to risk them catching a bug anyway.

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