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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get a puppy?

40 replies

Beigelions8 · 07/11/2023 19:03

Hi,
So my husband wants to get a dog. He's always had dogs, I've only had 2 in my life.
We both work full time, he works shifts.
Marriage is about compromise so I'm aware a flat no sounds harsh.
My reasons are our life is easy right now. Yes puppys/dogs are cute but the hard work involved is not something I'm rushing to do.
He says once the training is done it will be lovely.
I'm worried the training will not be easy and I'll be the one dealing with the mess they create.

So AIBU to stand my ground and say nope let's keep it easy? Or
Allow a dog into our lives?

OP posts:
MonaDaVinci · 07/11/2023 19:13

No. I love my dog but the worst thing you could do is agree to a dog which isn't wanted. Say no .

NalafromtheLionKing · 07/11/2023 19:15

No. It sounds like the poor dog would be alone pretty much the whole time, which is cruel, and it’s never a good idea to get a pet half-heartedly.

Hopskiplou · 07/11/2023 19:15

No, don’t get a puppy. You don’t want one.

mbosnz · 07/11/2023 19:16

To me, animals are like babies. It takes two yes's but only one no.

And honestly, everyone underestimates the costs - financial, time, and emotional/mental.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 07/11/2023 19:16

You are never being unreasonable to not bring a living thing into your life if you don't want one.
Far worse to cave in and have a living thing (pet, child etc) in your house that you don't want.

Blanketpolicy · 07/11/2023 19:19

Do not get a dog unless you 1) really want one too, and 2) your dh already does his fair 50/50 share of everything (household, cleaning, cooking, meal planning, shopping, gift buying, financial planning etc) otherwise it is just going to be another chore for you.

Consideringachange2023 · 07/11/2023 19:19

Unless you’re both working from home or at least alternating in shifts then getting a dog - let alone a puppy is not an option.

Put it this way, if you went into an adoption centre and said “hey I want a dog, we both work full time and the dog would be alone several hours at a time” they would say no.

So what does that tell you.

Other than that, if you don’t want the responsibility of a pet then you shouldn’t have one and yes marriage is about compromise but in this case it can’t be a compromise. You either agree to get one and go into it fully committed or you agree not to and revisit later down the line.

Puppies also chew your house to bits, like seriously. They chew everything

Tumbleweed101 · 07/11/2023 19:21

I love having my dog but we are a busy household already and plenty of people home on and off through the day to give the dog company and do walks.

I've already decided he will be my last dog because if he lives an average life span I will be approaching 60 and could well be working full time and be living alone. Life will be easier (hopefully) to go on holidays etc so I wouldn't want a tie then. I guess it will depend when I get there if I need the company.

barbieofswanlake · 07/11/2023 19:21

Why a puppy? Get an older dog from a rescue centre. You need a dog who will cope better with being alone and won't need cleaning up after so you don't feel out upon. Puppies are such hard work even when you really really want one.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 07/11/2023 19:23

I adore my dog, but if you don't want one, don't agree to have one.

Tiredbehyondbelief · 07/11/2023 19:23

I refused to get a young puppy for my children, we got a 5 month old puppy instead. With hindsight, I would have gone for a dog older than 1 year. They are far too much trouble when they are young.

You will need to factor in the cost of a daily walker if you both work full time

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/11/2023 19:24

Everyone in the household needs to want the dog.

Wallywobbles · 07/11/2023 19:31

I said no after the last dog died. It's much easier to go away etc now as of all the animals we have (small farm) the dogs required the most care.

Kitkat1523 · 07/11/2023 19:47

That would be cruel if you both work full time

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/11/2023 19:50

Puppies are hard work. You have to really want one, if you don’t then don’t do it.

FloofCloud · 07/11/2023 19:52

Depends on your DH and his ability to pull his weight! I told DH he walks the dog,
Does training and cleans up the crap .. and he does! So alls good in our house - I look after the 3 cats so we have a good compromise. I of course let her out, walk her sometimes and absolutely adore her .. bw he does the hard tasks
With her .. and me with the cats ... it's about compromise and keeping to promises before agreement

Jessforless · 07/11/2023 19:57

We both work from home and have children who are capable of feeding / brushing / supervising in the garden and it is still a great deal of work.

One no means absolute no when it comes to dogs.

Original poster
Beigelions8 · 07/11/2023 19:58

Thanks all.
An outside perspective is very useful.
I'm of course being told all the positives by hubby.
But yes I don't have an urge to have a furry friend in the house. I love a clean tidy house so am going to stuck to my guns and say its a no.

OP posts:
FloofCloud · 07/11/2023 20:12

We have a Samoyed and they're REALLY floofy - we don't spend that much time hoovering and cleaning - I don't mind bits of floof around though lol 😂 ... personally I'd say no unless he did the work surrounding the dog then you get all the fun stuff lol

Cherrysoup · 07/11/2023 20:21

My Dh works shifts, I work full term times, Mon-Fri so it works well for our lot, we use a dog walker a few days a month when we’re both working. We haven’t been away since before covid, tho, one dog was very unwell, then we got puppies and now we’re really reluctant to leave them as the older dog is getting on and I want him at home and comfortable. We have no family nearby to help.

Our house is not very clean despite frequent spot cleaning, the mud sticks to them. The dust is appalling. It’s a really huge commitment, so if you’re not desperate, don’t do it.

Zanatdy · 07/11/2023 20:27

Unless you work from home then no. I got a puppy when I worked 3 days a week, and I paid for doggy daycare every work day. I changed to full time when he was about 2 but did 1 day from home and so then paid 4 days daycare. I now do 2 days in the office and 3 at home, and he now does 3 walks a week with a dog Walker, as even on office days I’m home by 3.30 as I collect my daughter and log back on. Costs of the walk going up to £20 a walk in January, his insurance is £50 as he’s got pre existing conditions (also has been diagnosed this year with glaucoma and is sadly going blind). Holiday care is £35 with his dog Walker and I have to use her as he’s quite anxious, especially now his vision is reducing and she’s great with him. He costs me far more than the kids! We adore him,
can’t imagine life without him but I’m looking at more than £300 a month.

I knew this when I got him, as I wasn’t going to be the kind of dog owner who locks their dog in the kitchen or a crate all day. It’s also so hard going anywhere for long periods of time, without organising someone to care for the dog. I don’t travel as much as I want due to the dog. Don’t do it if your life is easy. But dogs are amazing and my life wouldn’t be the same without him in it. My children adore him, he’s my hot water bottle in bed!

ErrolTheDragon · 07/11/2023 20:29

We both work full time, he works shifts.

Assuming one of you isn't wfh with flexible enough hours to look after the dog, definitely not.

TeenLifeMum · 07/11/2023 20:32

I love my dog but would I ever have a puppy again? Nope. He’s 3 and a delight but it’s taken hard work to get here.

Furrydogmum · 07/11/2023 20:38

No YANBU, a dog needs to be wanted by everyone. I've taken on a 4 year boy this year alongside my two 13 + yr old girls, and he's a joy but it still takes work. Stick to your guns until/unless you're all on the same page.

Lochness1975 · 07/11/2023 20:41

I totally miss my dogs. I lost them over 10 years ago. But the freedom i now have! Able to go where I want when I want, no rushing home, holidays abroad (we never put ours in a kennel as they would have hated it). Not to say my doggie brain doesn’t go to mush when I say a puppy but my lifestyle doesn’t work for one sadly.