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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not get a puppy?

40 replies

Beigelions8 · 07/11/2023 19:03

Hi,
So my husband wants to get a dog. He's always had dogs, I've only had 2 in my life.
We both work full time, he works shifts.
Marriage is about compromise so I'm aware a flat no sounds harsh.
My reasons are our life is easy right now. Yes puppys/dogs are cute but the hard work involved is not something I'm rushing to do.
He says once the training is done it will be lovely.
I'm worried the training will not be easy and I'll be the one dealing with the mess they create.

So AIBU to stand my ground and say nope let's keep it easy? Or
Allow a dog into our lives?

OP posts:
GoodOldEmmaNess · 07/11/2023 20:42

Beigelions8 · 07/11/2023 19:58

Thanks all.
An outside perspective is very useful.
I'm of course being told all the positives by hubby.
But yes I don't have an urge to have a furry friend in the house. I love a clean tidy house so am going to stuck to my guns and say its a no.

Good, yes, stick to your guns. No-one should expect a partner to accept a dog in their home if they aren't fully keen. It has to be a joint pleasure.

Baffledandalarmed · 07/11/2023 21:06

If even one person has doubts you don’t get a dog. No further discussion needed.

Tiredbehyondbelief · 08/11/2023 04:43

As a compromise I would consider an adult dog from a rescue centre. If the adoption doesn't work out, there is a way out. If you husband is desperate for a dog it would be unreasonable not to come to a compromise. You will have to feign interest when dealing with rescue centres. They are quite choosy. If you go down that route make sure the dog is at least 1 year old and has short fur

Bingsbongs · 08/11/2023 04:51

He works shifts? Does he really want to come home after work to clean up pee/poo/buy new shoes because puppy has chwed through some
most random objects while bored/teething? What to do you on holidays puppy will either add to the cost with the kennel or limit where you can stay if you holiday in the UK.

scochran · 08/11/2023 05:11

I've got dogs that others in the house like well enough but they're my responsibility for all walking and care and I chose to have them.
I'll sometimes ask my husband to take them out which he enjoys occasionally but he wouldn't want to do twice a day, every day.
I work shifts which means they've been out for a couple of good walks before I leave and someone is home soon after to keep them company/ let them play in the garden/ feed. If I'm on an early shift the dog walker costs are mine alone and I give up quite a lot to afford it. I don't go on holiday, for example.
Will he stick to being responsible for all dog care? I find it easy as I love being out walking with them as much as possible, it's the best part of my day!

Tiredbehyondbelief · 08/11/2023 05:40

I never wanted a dog in the first place, my children talked me into it. Obviously I am now the person who does the bulk of walking. I have to say I see more sunshine now than I use to. There are plenty of downsides though

Jewelspun · 08/11/2023 05:58

You both work full time.

Utterly cruel to get a puppy or even an older dog.

onestepfromgrace · 08/11/2023 06:04

@Beigelions8 He's always had dogs, have these been family dogs or his own dog where he has always been responsible for training, exercise and caring for those dogs? Has he been responsible for the financial costs of having a dog? Has there always been someone else to take care of the dog when he is out or on holiday?

When my dog was a puppy he owned me, he is a lovely dog now, though he still takes a lot of my time and energy. He is well trained which took a lot of hard work and dedication, but he can still be a handful. I work from home so had time to put the effort in. He costs the price of a small mortgage with food, insurance, vet bills, dog walker, dog sitting, etc.

You both need to want this, as by default some of the work and cost will fall to you. Would your lifestyle accommodate a dog?

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 08/11/2023 06:13

As he works shifts you’ll end up doing most of the work, and he knows it.

Just google smegma, that should put him off.

SmokeyToo · 08/11/2023 06:14

I lost my 14 year old dog late last year and I still miss him every day. That said, no way am I getting another dog!

They are a lot of commitment. My dog was a really good puppy and not destructive, he even had some of his puppy plushies still when he died. He didn't chew on anything he wasn't allowed to, either.

We had our routine - I would get up early and we would go for a walk/run prior to me getting ready for work. I feel it's disingenuous for people to say it's cruel to leave a dog at home while you go to work - my boy was just fine, hanging out with my cats for company. I probably wouldn't leave a dog entirely on its own, but he was was great with the cats and there was 'mutual adoration'. I took him to puppy day care when he was old enough and he spent the whole day shivering and drooling in the corner, until the day care owner was forced to cuddle him all day, away from the other dogs. We tried several times, but he hated it and was much happier at home with his kitty mates. I also gave a key to my next door neighbour (who worked from home) in case he ever started barking or crying. He never did.

After work, I'd take him to a park for a run and a sniff. Maybe half an hour, or more in summer. We'd also do clicker training during part of that time.

As he got older, he slept almost as much as the cats. Which, if you know cats, is most of the day. I used to use puzzle toys and pack them with treats and leave them for him when I went to work. I read as much as I could on puppy and dog behaviour, including how to come and go from my home in a way that wouldn't encourage separation anxiety. That seemed to work well.

However, I found myself saying no to a lot of social outings because I wanted to give time to him. I didn't begrudge this at all - he was my little mate and I loved him to death. It was also really difficult to go away, even for a night. I would never leave him overnight - a few hours is fine, but not the whole night. I was lucky enough to be able to take him with me to stay at friends places a lot of the time, so it wasn't always hard. But, yes, they do curtail your freedom a bit.

And then there's the general cleaning (house and them), grooming if it's a breed that needs it regularly (mine did), and the loads of time you need to put into training them throughout their life.

All in all, they're a huge commitment, but they give back tenfold. I'm grateful that I grew up with cats and dogs as pets, but I got the shock of my life when I got my own dog because I had NO idea how much work they are! I remember asking my Mum (who was the one who cared for our family dogs) if my boy was 'normal' and she laughed and said "yes, having a puppy is like having a child". I had no idea - as a cat owner, I'd expected dogs to look after themselves in a similar way - nope, dogs are COMPLETELY dependent on their owners.

As I said at the beginning of this rather long post, I still miss my darling boy every single day. I even still shed the occasional tear, even after him being gone 14 months. He was a good and loyal friend. But no way am I getting another dog at this point in my life - I went and got another two kittens instead! 😁

AhBiscuits · 08/11/2023 06:17

🐈?

Beigelions8 · 08/11/2023 13:28

Thanks for all of your replies.
We have spoken about it today and I have reiterated the points on why (in my view) its not a good idea and put it quite plainly I don't want my life to change. I like it very much how it is.
He grumbled and had a strop but he'll get over it.
If he's hell bent on getting a dog he'll have to find a new home for both of them! 😅

OP posts:
Riverlee · 08/11/2023 13:30

With have people wfh and we find it difficult with a puppy.

JaxiiTaxii · 08/11/2023 13:34

It's like kids:

Unless you both really want one, don't do it.

Haydenn · 08/11/2023 13:42

To get a dog you both need to be onboard with the decision. They are a lot of work training-wise in the early days, and a big lifestyle change. I am also a big believer that a dog is a lifelong commitment, so if it doesn’t work out or you decide that you can’t take it anymore then for me I look at that as very much a you problem -rather than rehoming as a solution.

however just to caveat that for some people dogs are a non-negotiable. For me my lifestyle revolves around my animals- training, holidays etc (yes mumsnet I am one of those people) I have ended relationships in the past because the other person hasn’t wanted pets. For me it is a dealbreaker. So whilst you absolutely shouldn’t get a pet that you aren’t both on board with, you should be aware that for some people dogs do come first.

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