You're married so a lot of the detail that you have provided is not relevant (a lot of the facts would become relevant if you were not married). I'm not sure if you own the house or are a tenant but if you do own it then it is a marital asset and will be divided accordingly. Some explanation and questions to follow:
I've spoken to social services this morning in regard to exh seeing our son.
Who got social services involved, you or EXH?
Exh is an abusive narcissist. Called the police about him recently.
Diagnosed or your opinion? Police involvement due to DV?
We have no arrangement for childcare so I am not breaking anything by saying he can see ds next week instead.
He might consider taking you to court for a Child Arrangement Order, although I note he has also said he won't see DS until other things are sorted (seems a bit odd of him but okay).
I was given a house through a housing association (very lucky I know) and it was in a terrible state. At this time, things between exh and myself were good. He came to view the house and offered to do it up for me. I did not ask. I did not have to pay him for labour (I offered many times but he declined) just materials.
If you were not married and you owned the property this might be relevant to whether he is a beneficiary of a constructive trust in the property for the work performed. It may be interpreted on the balance of probabilities that there was a common intention to share the property. However, you are married so this is irrelevant. What is relevant is that it is a marital asset in the pot for division based on your respective needs and the court has full discretion about how it is divided.
It was a lot of work. He also paid for odd materials which again, I never asked him too. I always said no I would pay….but as we were getting on I thought it was ok.
Same as above.
He also paid no maintenance towards our son at this time too. But there was no issues at this point.
Okay, so you were separated but not divorced throughout this time?
I then moved into the house and exh started to stay here on occasions.
This means it started becoming the family marital home.
I bought a bunk bed for my step son too stay here (exh son).
Then a little more....
Exh had some belongings here and he also set his sky tv account up here and his broadband.
And that pretty much sealed it. All assuming you own it of course.
He left me and asked for his stuff and gave me back his keys.
So he has now moved out and not moved back in? He will still have matrimonial home rights unless you have an NMO in place, do you?
That he is going to class it as his home. His son classes it as his home.
He seems to be right about that.
We are still married. Not filled for divorce yet - too scared too. He is not on the tenancy or bills apart form the sky tv.
When you say tenancy, what do you mean? Do you mean you hold the legal title or you are a leaseholder? And if a leaseholder, is that long or short term? As in, is this an assured or fixed term tenancy?
He is now demanding I pay him money for all the labour he did on my home and for the materials he paid for. He is threatening to take me to court if I don’t pay.
If the house is not owned then I doubt there is much he will be able to do about it. If you do own it, then it will be considered a marital asset and fighting over who spent what on it is pointless because that's not how a FMH is divided.
Apparently he spoken to citizens advice and he has a good case.
Possibly, if it is owned. He probably does have a case if you are only a tenant but not as strong a case.