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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Slow clueless people holding up queues

497 replies

AuntyMargeAuntyFlora · 07/11/2023 10:38

What is it with these people?

My latest experience was at a walk-in centre. Only two women ahead of me in the queue to book in. Goodness knows what they were doing, most of it seemed to be standing there looking at each other before saying a few quiet words to the receptionist who had to keep explaining the same things to them (that they had missed their appointment and needed to go immediately to another hospital if they wanted to see x department). Then they'd stare at each other again. Occasionally one would half-heartedly search in a bag or look at their phone. Absolutely no sense of urgency at all, and apparently oblivious (despite glancing in our direction several times) to the massive queue gradually building up behind them. By the time the queue had almost reached the door, another member of staff was called to come and help book everyone else in, and these two women were still slowly doing nothing.

I don't mind if someone has genuinely got a difficult query/situation that takes ages to unpick, or if they are perhaps elderly/overwhelmed/etc and these things take longer. But its usually these people who are first to apologise for holding up the queue or even suggest others go ahead!

What I'm talking about is the entitled people who don't seem to register that other people exist, and who ponder and confer at a snail's pace, oblivious to any sense of urgency of the queue building up. I can imagine someone coming in with a serious injury, and these two women glancing over periodically as the person bleeds everywhere and slowly collapses, as they carry on with their inane time wasting non-query...

OP posts:
fetchacloth · 08/11/2023 13:40

HurkleDurkling · 08/11/2023 12:57

What has happened to good manners. We could help the confused person. Patience is a virtue we are taught.
Manners maketh the man is a good rule.
What irks me is folk who rush devoid of understanding and compassion. Be patient and less moaning please. The train, bus or train will not leave any sooner.

This is it in a nutshell really for me.
When I was a child it was drummed into us about being patient and possessing good manners. Also to show compassion for others.
Sadly I see very little of this these days amongst younger people so I can only assume these soft skills aren't taught anymore because their parents feel the same.
Some of the posts on here are shocking in their lack of thought for others 😳.
We've become a me me me society and sod everyone else. 😕

Maxus · 08/11/2023 13:48

CoffeeCantata · 08/11/2023 13:07

Maxus · Yesterday 10:52

You have no idea what to as going on with these women. They could have a stroke, dementia or something as long these lines which makes processing information much more difficult. Perhaps next time show consideration instead of assuming they are clueless.

Hmmm...maybe, very rarely - and it's usually clear in some way if this is the case.

But 99% of the time, I honestly don't think so. Some people really are clueless, selfish and entitled.

I was in M & S once, with big queues building up. A woman suddenly decided she didn't like the melon she'd chosen, so asked for it to be changed. Cashier rang for assistance and eventually someone came and went off into the shop to find another melon. To cut a long story short, she had to go 3 times before the woman declared herself happy with the fruit. She showed not one iota of embarrassment at having held up so many people. If you want that kind of service - GO TO FORTNUM AND MASON!

M and S could have handled it more efficiently, sure - but the lady doing the running around obviously didn't realise just how long it would all take!!

I've had a stroke, nobody in the supermarket queue would know this just by looking at me. I have a relative in their 60s who has early onset dementia, again you carnt see this by looking.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 08/11/2023 14:06

Samlewis96 · 08/11/2023 11:31

Couldn't you have written it down before leaving home?

The basics yes, but obviously not the answers to the questions they insisted on answering in front of everyone.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 08/11/2023 14:12

Certainly as someone who already struggles (autism) and who was physically injured, trying to hold it together in pain being made to stand in a queue for someone who has someone else to help them, calling me an "impatient idiot" isn't really on.

OK, maybe 'impatient idiot' wasn't kind but it's no worse than 'dithering idiot' 🙄

Smellyshelley · 08/11/2023 14:34

"This is it in a nutshell really for me.
When I was a child it was drummed into us about being patient and possessing good manners. Also to show compassion for others.
Sadly I see very little of this these days amongst younger people so I can only assume these soft skills aren't taught anymore because their parents feel the same.
Some of the posts on here are shocking in their lack of thought for others 😳.
We've become a me me me society and sod everyone else. 😕"

See I see this the opposite way around. The "me me me" is the selfish person holding up a queue of other people.

And all the idiots telling people to stop "rushing". This is honestly the most short sighted ridiculous comment. Why on earth would anyone want to always be rushing around if they didnt have to? As I said earlier I have no choice. Every single day I have a very slim window between work ending and catching my train. If I miss my train I can't collect my kids from after school club and social services would potentially be called to collect them instead. I HAVE NO CHOICE but to rush. I can't be patient. And I'm sure loads of other people are in similar situations. Having the time to dither and faff to your heart's content is a luxury most people don't have. YOU are the selfish one.

Badbadbunny · 08/11/2023 15:13

DottyLottieLou · 08/11/2023 08:21

People who whinge and whine and tut rather than helping or being patient. Seems everybody wants everything immediately these days. Patience is a virtue few possess.

It's hard to be patient when your bus is going to leave in 5 minutes and the next is an hour's wait, or when you've got to get back to your car before the parking limit expires and you risk a £60 fine, or you've only an hour for your lunch break and you'll get disciplined if you're late back! Sometimes you really can't allow extra time to be stuck behind a slow/clueless person.

Maxus · 08/11/2023 15:20

Badbadbunny · 08/11/2023 15:13

It's hard to be patient when your bus is going to leave in 5 minutes and the next is an hour's wait, or when you've got to get back to your car before the parking limit expires and you risk a £60 fine, or you've only an hour for your lunch break and you'll get disciplined if you're late back! Sometimes you really can't allow extra time to be stuck behind a slow/clueless person.

Maybe realise that they aren't slow or clueless but have disabilities or are old. Example I was walking down a flight of stairs after getting off a train with you one of my teenagers, I carnt walk fast. We where walking on the correct side so people could pass. Someone said in a hurry decided to push past instead of asking nearly knocking us both down. That is not acceptable . There need to be in a hurry does not trump the needs and safety and of others.

CesareBorgia · 08/11/2023 15:26

ClaudiaWankleman · 08/11/2023 13:27

The fact that in the only place that does have this custom (the tube) there have to be signs put up advising people of the fact, is very good evidence that it isn't the normal system. Just take the stairs, it'll be better for you.

The Tube is not the only place - it certainly happens at my nearest station with escalators (Leeds). I can't remember if there are signs but everyone stands on the right in rush hour.

Suusue · 08/11/2023 15:29

It drives me to almost insanity too

Wexone · 08/11/2023 15:40

ClaudiaWankleman · Today 13:27

The fact that in the only place that does have this custom (the tube) there have to be signs put up advising people of the fact, is very good evidence that it isn't the normal system. Just take the stairs, it'll be better for you.

In most places there is only escalator and lift, and the rare occasion there is stairs they are usually at the back of the shop and you are to use the escalator for going up and stairs to go back done . I do use the stairs where possible but when i have to use the escalator i keep moving as to use your recommendation its better for you

FarEast · 08/11/2023 16:17

But the middle aged couples who refuse to let go hands are massively irritating too.

Totally @enchantedsquirrelwood ! It's as if they'll dissolve or something

I just keep walking towards all categories of pavement hoggers and if they won't move over I just stop so they are forced to.

Yes! I've started to do this too. Or just keep walking. I keep to one side of the pavement, I try not to take up more space than I need to. If they aren't equally polite, then my bag will bang into them.

fetchacloth · 08/11/2023 16:40

Smellyshelley · 08/11/2023 14:34

"This is it in a nutshell really for me.
When I was a child it was drummed into us about being patient and possessing good manners. Also to show compassion for others.
Sadly I see very little of this these days amongst younger people so I can only assume these soft skills aren't taught anymore because their parents feel the same.
Some of the posts on here are shocking in their lack of thought for others 😳.
We've become a me me me society and sod everyone else. 😕"

See I see this the opposite way around. The "me me me" is the selfish person holding up a queue of other people.

And all the idiots telling people to stop "rushing". This is honestly the most short sighted ridiculous comment. Why on earth would anyone want to always be rushing around if they didnt have to? As I said earlier I have no choice. Every single day I have a very slim window between work ending and catching my train. If I miss my train I can't collect my kids from after school club and social services would potentially be called to collect them instead. I HAVE NO CHOICE but to rush. I can't be patient. And I'm sure loads of other people are in similar situations. Having the time to dither and faff to your heart's content is a luxury most people don't have. YOU are the selfish one.

Wow, you're going to stress yourself out totally.
That's on you

Smellyshelley · 08/11/2023 16:51

@fetchacloth yes of course it's on me.
I'm not sure how that comment fits in with your earlier comment of

"When I was a child it was drummed into us about being patient and possessing good manners. Also to show compassion for others.
Sadly I see very little of this these days amongst younger people so I can only assume these soft skills aren't taught anymore because their parents feel the same.
Some of the posts on here are shocking in their lack of thought for others 😳.
We've become a me me me society and sod everyone else. 😕"

Seems you're the one not showing much compassion there, no? 🤔

TheNamesTheThing · 08/11/2023 16:51

My husband is one of these people. Will spend 10 minutes in line for fast food and be surprised when he has to order. Waits until he gets to the ticket barriers to look for his ticket. Stand in a queue at a shop and wait until he has handed over the things he wants to buy before searching for his wallet.

Honestly, I have suspected adhd for this and other similar reasons.

Badbadbunny · 08/11/2023 16:56

There's a difference between disabled people who clearly have no choice and deserve extra time/space, and the others who are just oblivious and self absorbed (of all ages).

But even disabled/elderly who are slow should keep to one side of the pavement or walkway, rather than hogging it entirely by taking the centre line meaning people have to push past. If they were on one side or the other, people could pass more easily.

As for groups, yes, they need to narrow themselves when they're walking 3/4 abreast and expecting people to move for them. A few months ago I was walking on our canal towpath (narrow, no wider than 2 people side by side) and Tyson Fury was jogging towards me with his full entourage (yes, he lives in our area part of the time), a group of around 6, taking up the entire footpath in 2 or 3 rows of 2 abreast. They clearly expected me to jump into the hedgerow so they could jog past, but I stood my ground and they appeared shocked, and had to go into single file to pass!

Badbadbunny · 08/11/2023 16:59

TheNamesTheThing · 08/11/2023 16:51

My husband is one of these people. Will spend 10 minutes in line for fast food and be surprised when he has to order. Waits until he gets to the ticket barriers to look for his ticket. Stand in a queue at a shop and wait until he has handed over the things he wants to buy before searching for his wallet.

Honestly, I have suspected adhd for this and other similar reasons.

My OH and son are the opposite. They're "ultra" prepared for everything. Ticket in hand before they arrive at the station or before the train has stopped. Passports/boarding passes in hand before joining the queues in airports. Son does a kind of "walkthrough" in his mind before he goes anywhere or does anything to make sure he's got everything he needs and even prepares what he's going to say when he goes into shops to ask for something. They are super-fast when doing anything really - always prepared.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 08/11/2023 17:12

"When I was a child it was drummed into us about being patient and possessing good manners. Also to show compassion for others.
Sadly I see very little of this these days amongst younger people so I can only assume these soft skills aren't taught anymore because their parents feel the same

I think it just means there is less of the #bekind nonsense. Consideration and not unduly inconveniencing other people should be the order of the day. Not being a doormat.

Ilovecleaning · 08/11/2023 18:05

The world is full of tw*ts and the older I get, the less patience I have.

pineapplecrushed · 08/11/2023 18:15

Agree. I was in a queue in a supermarket, finally got to number 3 in the queue. Then the woman being served has her card declined. The assistant was useless, and she was completely un-fussed about holding others up. She started using her banking app, trying to transfer money, then she asked him to take stuff off, then she tried other cards unsuccessfully, then just stood there staring into space. The cashier did not take control, or call a supervisor to assist. So we all just stood there. This went on for 30 minutes. I would be mortified to hold up a queue like that. I would cancel the shopping and move to the side to figure it out. To top it all off, I turned to the lady behind me and said 'I think maybe he needs to call the supervisor'...to which this woman very worthily said 'At least we're not in Gaza' 😂....wtf? I almost laid her out lol.

pineapplecrushed · 08/11/2023 18:18

hmmm, she already said that it would be different if it was a genuine need but it wasn't. What about these people's consideration for the people behind them?

restingbitchface30 · 08/11/2023 18:20

I managed a retail store selling school uniforms. Naturally we were beyond busy in the summer, couldn’t move in the store. You would be amazed the amount of people that would get to the front of a huge queue and then decide they either wanted to try stuff on again right there, they needed something else or they didn’t have enough money and wanted me to wait for someone to transfer them money. It would make my piss boil so much. How entitled do you have to be to make an entire queue wait for you?!

pineapplecrushed · 08/11/2023 18:21

yeah that wasn't what OP described. Where is the consideration from these people for the others who are waiting behind them? These people may have children to pick up, or another appointment to make, or a bus top catch.

anonibubble · 08/11/2023 18:22

ThinWomansBrain · 07/11/2023 11:26

arghh - Reception at GP the other week. FIFTEEN minutes of woman in front of me asking the same question three times over, then saying she's lonely and it's lovely to pop in and have a chat... before she starts on what holiday plans does receptionist have. There's a bloody community centre just around the corner.

& don't get me started on people that get on buses and expect the driver to help them plan their sight seeing tour for the day.
YANBU

I was at the GP recently and a man turned up more than an hour late for his appointment. The receptionist generously told him she could fit him in later but he might have to wait for a while. No, he couldn't wait. So she offered him a string of appointments over the next few days, none of which he could manage. He got irate and said he was going to make a complaint.

RaisedOnADietofBrokenBiscuitsOh · 08/11/2023 18:22

cyclamenqueen · 07/11/2023 10:57

Justfly from Heathrow 5 or City where you no longer have to do any of this stuff

I flew from T5 recently and you still have to do all of this stuff. The only place I've been in the UK that doesn't is London City.

pineapplecrushed · 08/11/2023 18:25

🙄right right, cos Mary Poppins is old and disabled.

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