AIBU to think true love doesn't happen for most people

[Bongosbingos]

Just that really, I don't think I've ever been deeply in love with anyone. Most of my friends aren't particularly happy in their relationships. It makes me sad to think I'll go through life never experiencing anything so powerful but then I think is it even possible anyway.

Following.

I would say that the majority of people do experience true love at some point but it's either unrequited or it doesn't work out. I've then seen lots of people eventually settle for their spouse.

I think ‘true’ love can happen to lots of people.

But it doesn’t always last.

Well it's impossible to know really but most of my close friends are couples and seem to be very much in love from the outside at least.

Happily married for over 20 years. Never argued. Very happy together. Feels like true love

IMHO, the key points are kindness, respect and good humour

Unrequited love must be even worse than never feeling it at all. It's good to hear some people do feel it, but also sad that it fades for a lot.

Awww this is lovely.

I think true love is mostly infatuation and lasts for about 6-9 months. And then if you stick with them longer than that it turns into the sort of love you have for a family member, it’s a different sort of love.

I think it depends on what you mean by true love. If you are thinking about it as seen in films, then I agree that few people will experience that level of perfection, because it probably doesn't exist. Or if it does, it's unsustainable when you factor in real life, which obviously films don't have to do!
I think it's very hard to sustain perfect romance when faced with mortgage applications and cleaning out the cat litter trays.

If by true love, you mean partnership, loyalty, passion (at times), trust, friendship, then those relationships are not uncommon. Sadly too many women settle for less than that.

Lust and love aren't the same thing - the initial attraction isn't love, however much it feels like it is - true love is what you build through shared experiences and values.

I think it depends on you definition.

For clarities sake - I didn't believe in soul mates and all that type of romantic notion. Been married twice, various relationships and honestly rather jaded.

Then I met current DH (second time around) I can say with certainty that I never had before, that he is my person. I don't know why I say it and honestly makes me roll my eyes typing this out but I feel it within me. Always have done.

And I have no reason to believe it other than it feels like a known fact. He's not perfect but he is for me. Odd really.

Now I will caveat this by saying I believe someone maybe your person but you may not be theirs.

I believe you can have true love with multiple people but only if your able to love properly. Most people imo don't. I certainly didn't want to find anyone after my ex husband.

By what I mean properly is not expect always rainbows and flowers from a human and to abe ok with being on your own if you don't met your person.
Most people can't hack that latter part of that statement and settle.

Even if we broke up tomorrow he would remain the love of my life. And I hope that's the same for him but even if it wasn't.. that doesn't mean the love didn't exist. And it wouldn't mean he wouldn't have been the love of my life.

I know I'm gonna get knocked for this but you feel what you feel right ?

@Pigeonqueen Not the case for me. Been with my DH for over 20 years, 4 kids later and still fancy him like mad. Had the house to ourselves yesterday afternoon and went straight up to bed like a pair of teenagers. It doesn't always fade. We argue a lot less now though, understand each other better. I feel extremely lucky.

Yes, I agree with all of that. What some people seem to think of as true love is an uncomfortable rollercoaster and a poor reason for putting up with a bad relationship. I think a lot of people are sold a lie about what a relationship shoild be like.

It's a tough one to answer, I think, because none of us can answer for anyone else. I have friends and family members with shite relationships, some with relationships that have turned into friendships, and some that have wonderful relationships.

My husband and I have an amazing relationship. I am very deeply in love with him, and him with me. We'd do anything for one another, and have done. We've got through some extremely tough times together. We have wonderful conversations, are very attracted to each other, and our support of one another has been unwavering. Even when we piss off one another, we're still deeply in love. I know that seems nauseating, annoying, and saccharine. But we genuinely are proper life partners. Maybe it won't always be that way, there are no guarantees, but 22 years in, we're still as much in love, still care for and support and love each other as we did at the beginning. We both intend to keep it that way. I recognise that we're extremely lucky.

I don't think "true love" survives reality well.

I thought i had a true love a 'soulmate'...only to be used for 25 years and lied to. I adored him. thought was for life.
Now i don't believe in soul mates. I think people just settle for what's available at the time.
I know that sounds terribly pessimistic.

Still obsessed with my DH, thoroughly attracted to him. Spend amazing times together. Lobe everything about him, just like when we met. 20+ years together.

I met my partner when I was 22, 12 uears together. I love him more now than when we were you get. Truly, madly deeply in love. He is my person and the one person who completely understands me, supports me and understands what I need and want. I believe in true love. X

I'd say I had it. But it was a relationship much like that one in Vicki Christina Batcelona and doomed to fail. I'd prefer to never have had it than to have lost it tbh.

I have and am experiencing true love and it is the most precious thing in the world. Me and DH must have met in a previous life. We must have.

If you don't experience it with your spouse, you most certainly will with having children. I hope you do X

Happily married to my teenage crush now. Though we went about it the long way round. Met as teens, nothing happened. Life moved us on to completely different paths - marriage and children for both of us. Fate threw us back together shortly after each of us separating and here we are. I couldn't be happier

Ah true love definitely exists. Some just find it quicker than others.

17 years together and he still makes me as giddy and silly as he did when I met him at 14. We've been to hell and back together and I still get butterflies on date night. Feels like true love to me.

Most of my friends seem happy in their relationships too. I don't know what true love looks and feels like for them, but I hope they have it too.

I don't think "true love" survives reality well. Sometimes it does. DH and I have got through dealing with his evil brother and his death threats. We've got through my husband's life threatening injury when I sat by his bedside for weeks. We've got through some good friends dying in a tragic accident. We've got through infertility. We've got through my seizures that often involved me seizing and peeing myself in public. And we're still doing great in the face of all that reality. In fact, all of that has made us stronger.

DH and I have been married over 35 years. It was love at first sight for both of us. But it wasn't a 'swept off our feet in the madness of passion, big fireworks!!' sort of thing. It was more a deep down recognition of each other and a certainty, an "Ah yes, you're the one I've been waiting for".

Life and marriage have not been perfect, because we are not perfect people. We've had our 'moments' both good and bad. But that certainty is still there, for both of us.

Do I think that doesn't happen for most people. No, I don't. I think that most people experience that feeling. I just think that maybe some people don't really accept that feeling because society tells them that if it's not hearts and fireworks it can't be 'real'. Or because they don't trust themselves.

I think people will answer this based on where they are in their lives. If you'd asked me 5yrs ago I would have said yes, it does exist. But not now. Although my relationship ended last year after 20yrs together and my partner turned into someone I didn't recognise. So I'll admit I'm probably abit jaded.

However I do know loads of couples in long term relationships (20 plus years) that are just miserable together. They stay together because they have kids and they can't afford to leave each other. And if their honest, I think alot of people are afraid of being alone and would rather stay with someone they don't like than be single.

Even the couples you think are happy, sooner or later you find out one of them is cheating.

Told you i was jaded 😆

To me, true love is 2 people against the world. Best friends who support each other even when their wrong. Someone you can trust no matter what. And I think thats breathtakingly rare.

Who defines what 'true love' is?