AIBU to think true love doesn't happen for most people

[Bongosbingos]

Just that really, I don't think I've ever been deeply in love with anyone. Most of my friends aren't particularly happy in their relationships. It makes me sad to think I'll go through life never experiencing anything so powerful but then I think is it even possible anyway.

Similar here. Together 30 years next month. Married for 28 years.

Definitely love at first sight, across a smoky nightclub, eyes locked, stared at each other for a few minutes then drinks put down, friends forgotten. started walking to each other, it was like an imprint from that first moment. Only apart for work from them on. Quite a few fireworks too, well until first DC was born 3 years to the day we met! Still get butterflies and fanny gallops on and off though.

Our life together has been full of trials and tribulations (no cheating), harsh words and some arguments which are forgotten and forgiven as easily as they started. We’re both fiery buggers and can be laughing one minute, arguing about who’s turn to make coffee, then snuggled on the sofa together. Kids shout at us to shut the hell up!

We often say we have some sort of telepathic link as I’ll think of something then he’ll call me about it, or bring something home that I forgot to get or do something I thought to do. We’ll argue over watching something on TV but then the dissenter will really enjoy it. It’s quite odd sometimes. Both Librans but from different countries, different languages and cultures which caused many clashes when we were younger.

It’s not a perfect love but it’s definitely true love.

Perhaps I have been lucky, met my DH when I was 18 and fell in love at first sight. We are still together and very happy almost 30 years later. We both studied in different cities, we both worked and studied overseas after university met lots of different people but I can hand on heart say I never wanted anyone else and neither did he. He makes me happy everyday and I him, if that isn't true love I don't know what is.

I don't know if it happens for most people, I think you have to be lucky, or perhaps have 2 securely attached people? Its very sad if someone never experiences it, I wish it for everyone.

I think true love exists- DH and I have been together 30+ years. He has my back and I have his - it's as simple as that. We are a team- have gone through some very tough times and some brilliant times too. DH's mum and dad were 90+ when they died married for over 70 years and mine did 40 cut short as Dad died 20 years ago) I'm sure they would still be together married 60yrs if he was still living. DH is my favourite person and we still make each other laugh every day.

I don’t believe it exists,well certainly not for a partner. Your children are a different story. It would be great if there was someone for everyone,love at first sight,etc but there isn’t. Ultimately it’s a lottery. You pick someone and try and make it work and that’s it. I think the majority of long marriages/relationships exist due to complacency. It’s certainly not down to destiny or fate. It’s a nice idea but it’s all make believe

I hope that the majority of long marriages don't exist due to complacency, mine certainly doesn't, its based on love, passion and a true partnership, it would be very sad if the majority of marriages were not like this.

Completely agree!

I think most people experience loving relationships. They don’t always last and they’re rarely like the bollocks portrayed in books and films. I think it’s perfectly possible to feel “true love” for several partners over the course of a lifetime.

I don't believe in "true love". I think there is inherent love like the type you have for your children, but romantic love is a daily choice I believe. You choose every day to love that person. It's sacrifice, respect and lots of work!

I did have it but I let it go because I was young and stupid. Never had anything to touch it since but think of it often even in my long term relationship.

I fell in love when I was 18. Fairly unrequited- in that we had a relationship but he didn’t feel the same way (and there were complications of a religious nature - his not mine).

I later got married and had two children but was never really in love in the same way. He also behaved abusively (emotionally) towards me in the marriage. Divorced now.

Have had one short relationship since but that was mainly sexual. Fun but not serious. Ended when he moved back home.

Truth is I’m still not properly over that first love. Saw him recently have not done so for many years and I’m still not fully. I don’t know if I ever will be or if I’ll ever meet anyone else.

Thanks for all your replies, it's good to know some of you have experienced it. I love my kids more than anything in the world and would do anything to protect them, but I have never experienced romantic love like that. I've only been in two long term relationships and they were both abusive which has perhaps ruined my view. I now feel like I never want another relationship for fear of the same and see people around me that are so much more happy being single and friends in relationships that are awful and they only stay together because they can't afford to separate.

I’ve been deeply in love twice, but we need to be precise about defining “true love”. In the first case for me it wasn’t returned and I went to great lengths for my partner only to be dumped when we got through the honeymoon phase and he saw someone he liked better (this happened three times because I didn’t want anyone except him and would patiently wait around after he dumped me). Speaking of honeymoon phases, it’s very easy to mistake that feeling for “true love” especially since the phrase has become shorthand for Disney-Princess type immediate attraction somehow being the basis for a perfect life together. True love requires and involves effort to compromise, to grow with your partner, even to sacrifice things whether big or small for them. IME you even reach points where you have consciously to choose to keep loving them.
TL:DR it’s easy to be in “true love” when you fancy someone and have just got off with them. It’s much more difficult to sustain genuine love for a long time.

I think true love does exist, my parents definitely have what I would call true love and have been married for 45 year now. A wonderful, supportive, loving marriage so I hope they'll have a couple of years more left!
I do think it has set a very high standard and expectations for my own relationships. I don't think I will ever have a relationship like theirs, but hopefully we're pretty close..

Been married to DH for 33 years. Still very happy together. We were out for a meal with friends and I was listening to him talking about his academic subject that he knows a lot about and thinking “I do love this guy”.

10 years for me and I love him more and more as time goes by.

He is definitely good for me in many ways, my number 1 supporter...

So many of my friends seem to have "settled" and not be really happy. I'm glad I waited

At the risk of sounding like King Charles - 'whatever that means'. Do you mean the head-over-heels crush type start of relationship feelings, or the deep 'family' sense of love you develop for a partner over many years together?

I have been in love a few times. I recently met someone who was exactly like one of these people in appearance and personality and I felt myself slipping into the same conversations and joking style we had together. But… I couldn’t forget how it ended or what they did so although it was nice to revisit that relationship, I couldn’t go back.

This time round, although there is an amazing connection, I’ve learned not to give everything to the relationship. So I have held back a little.

The ongoing family sense.