First dance

[Unintentionallycausingoffence]

This isn’t me it’s more DH we married 15 years ago, during our first dance BIL and his fiancé joined us uninvited on the dance floor. DH brings it up and feels it was bad manners other family members said how nice it was of them to join in. Who’s right?

Impossible to say without being there.

It is fairly normal for the couple to do a bit of a shuffle and then others join them, so doesn’t sound unreasonable necessarily.

Either way, I think he needs to get over it 15 years later.

Everyone probably needs to let this go, nobody is right or wrong, it’s a dance ffs. It’s not like he joined you at the altar and said his own vows.

Ooooh that would have pissed me off. (wouldn't have said anything)

15 years later would i still be seething a bit ......

yes 😂

I find it rude as I thought the couple would first dance by themselves and then invite others to the dance floor. Your DH must have been hurt by it badly if he still brings it up 15 years later.

Had you practised a special show dance Strictly-style?
Or were you just shuffling round in a circle?

Makes a difference....

We had a barn dance so everyone joined in

I thought it was normal for people to join the couple? Any wedding I've been to the couple are on their own for about a minute and then close family, bridal party, friends etc are roped in to join.

Either way 15 years is a really long time to hold bitterness over something like this.

It was rude but 15 years later and he hasn't let it go? 😳

What has your BIL said about it?

This thread is going to run and run.

Thing is, OP has said the other couple joined in before any inviting or roping in or encouraging to join in went on from the wedding couple.

This has been my experience, guests join the couple after a verse of a track. I’ve never been to a wedding where all of the guests just had to sit by and watch the bride and groom dance to slow music for the entirety of a track or more. That sounds pretty cringeworthy for all.

Regardless, your DH needs to let it go. I imagine either BIL and SIL didn’t know they weren’t supposed to join, or they were excited to get the party started. It really isn’t a big deal.

It was rude of them, but don't know if I'd still be bothered 15 years later...maybe I would 😂

Most weddings I've been to, other couples only join when the DJ/compere invites them.

We told our DJ to invite them after about the first verse, because I'd rather dig my own eyeballs out than dance with everyone watching us.

As PPs have ready said, people don't normally wait for the whole of the first song to be over to join in the dancing.

I find first dances utterly cringeworthy, anyway.

Every wedding I have been to, (bar one which was a choreographed routine 🙄, ) people have got up after the first verse. Typically starting with close family members

15 years later🤣

Hard to say without being there. Unless you are ballroom dancers or something it’s utterly painful watching a couple stumbling about on the dance floor, which is why it is usually 90sec tops before others need to go join in to stop the hideous spectacle. Although, I have seen some people who have practiced ‘a number’ like they are in a competition and some have been great and everyone has happily watched the whole thing. Others, just sad and painful and the thought, ‘why’ is sitting there on everyone’s minds yet no one is game to stop the travesty as it’s obviously ‘a number’ rather than just stumbling steps in a circle or back and forth like standard.

Your’e right it most certainly didn’t ruin our day

🤣yes that wouldn’t be good.

It’s polite to wait for either the couple or DJ / master of ceremonies to invite people to join. I would never just assume they were happy for everyone to get involved.

One of my mates had the first dance with her dad!

It was weird and sweet at the same time 😂

The dad (cheerfully) swapped with the new husband half way through. So it was quite symbolic i guess.

In my opnion it would have been nice to have the first dance to ourselves but because the day went pretty much perfectly no major hiccups I haven’t really thought about it. Everyone is different and everyone will have a different view on things

It was just a shuffle, we really aren’t Strictly Show dance people. It was a standard wedding disco

What has your BIL said about it?

Has your DH said anything to him, or just spent the last 15 years silently seething? 😬🤣

The latter. BIL got married just over a year later and told DH he could join him and his new wife on the dance floor if he wished. DH wasn’t having it ( he just nodded at BIL but we never joined them) and I was obviously talking to someone else at that time as I wasn’t privy to it.

Only that at his wedding DH could do the same

He just said to DH at his wedding that he could join him and his DW for their first dance

eurgh, I was actively trying to get people to join us for the first dance. Only did it for 'tradition'. No bugger got up, hideous being watched for a full song shuffling around on the dance floor