I always thought I had a very nice childhood until quite recently. I've become a new mum and am sort of looking at my own childhood through a new lens. My parents were happily married, I have a sibling, it seemed like a normal home etc.
So I remember things and then feel like they don't quite sit right.
Whenever I would stay at my grandparents house (every school holiday) I would wet the bed. It became less frequent but I would say each holiday it would happen once, but it did happen until I was about 12/13.
I don't really remember my childhood. I'm in my early 30s and I wonder how normal that is? Was it a trauma response to something and I just can't remember what it is.
My parents never let me go out with my friends. Ever. This was after a man groped me on the way to school at the age of 10. I think my parents just got spooked and went into full blown over protection mode. I would see my friends at school and that would be it. I was taught that family comes first and have therefore never thought of friends as being important. The friends I have today aren't my schoolfriends, rather friends I've made in my adult life.
I feel like my parents were people pleasers and so would put others above what I wanted. Eg. Having family stay over a week before my GCSEs and so I might have to give up my room but me feeling like I needed that space.
I was the first child of my generation and felt like I had A LOT of attention on me. Whatever I did seemed like such a big deal. Eg. My parents and grandparents and uncle and aunt came with me on my exam results day to pick up my results. Or all the women in my family knew about my first period and were asking me about it but I felt awkward speaking about it (granted it happened on Christmas Eve so maybe my mum wanted people to be mindful?)
If I didn't want to do something, my mum might guilt me into doing it just to maintain optics. I had a cousin of a similar age to me whose dad was a pervert. She was an only child so I was made to go to her house to keep her company. As much as I can remember he never did anything to me (or at least anything more than what he openly did to others) eg. if he greeted you with a hug he would touch and linger on your bra strap. But I have heard stories from other women in the family that he had accidentally walked in on them changing when they were in their teens (and he would have been in his early 30s) Anyway, it makes me wonder why my mum trusted the situation for me to be alone in their house with him.
I genuinely believe my parents thought they were doing the best for me and I have been made to understand they sacrificed so much just so we can have everything in life. My dad didn't have a lot of money so I always felt bad and guilty about costing him too much.