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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it me or...

63 replies

Asyouwere09 · 05/11/2023 15:52

I'll try and keep it short and I know questions of a similar nature have been asked on here countless times!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months or so. Initially it was great and admittedly we had alot of boozy dates and weekends etc. Then I found out I was pregnant. Naturally I stopped drinking but I think this enabled me to see his habits for what they were. A couple of times he'd been out drinking with a mate and I then found out (by his own admission) that he'd taken coke (turns out this is a semi-regular thing. On these occasions..first time I couldn't get hold of him the next day, second time he told me he was at work. Turns out he wasn't...he'd been at home all day on the couch. I was really angry that he'd lied to me.

I have since lost the baby and we've had a couple of arguments. One where he called me a B and sl** amongst other things.

This past weekend he was out after work (which I was more than happy about). He messaged me twice saying he was on his way home, even asked me if I wanted anything from the shops. Fast forward a few hrs later, he was nowhere to be seen. When I managed to get hold of him at 4am he told me he'd gone home because he couldn't face a hard time from me. Next day it transpires he hadn't gone home but stayed at a mates. Once again he's lied. AIBU thinking that this man has no respect for me? He also said he was quitting the coke...not because I asked him. He said he wanted to do it for himself but has of course gone back on that word. Otherwise a very lovely relationship. I just feel he changes when alcohol and drugs are involved. Thank you all and please do tell me if you think I'm being too much! :-)

OP posts:
SoRainbowRhythms · 05/11/2023 15:54

It's not you. Why are you still with this awful human?

Reddishraddish · 05/11/2023 15:54

goodness, what do you expect to happen? A heavy drinker, a liar and a drug user. NO

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/11/2023 15:55

This relationship isn't worth it, is it? I'd cut my losses and cut him loose, if I were you.

Dacadactyl · 05/11/2023 15:56

Get rid of this waste of space "man". And no, if he's taking drugs he has no respect for you (or himself)

shardash · 05/11/2023 15:56

Get rid now. No good will come of this relationship, and he isn't going to change any time soon.

SoupDragon · 05/11/2023 15:57

Cut your losses and leave! You deserve better than that.

AutumnFroglets · 05/11/2023 15:57

Heavy drinker.
Coke head.
Liar.
Manipulative.
Ignores your calls/texts.

^^
What's lovely about that?

Floralnomad · 05/11/2023 15:57

Just move on , it’s really not worth this type of aggravation 4 months in

LittleMooli · 05/11/2023 15:58

Firstly, I am sorry for the loss of your pregnancy.

I think if you were initially all fine to drink and party you can't expect him to change.

It's only 4 months in. He's calling you ugly names. I'd walk.

Manadou · 05/11/2023 15:58

"Otherwise a very lovely relationship."

Apart from that, how was the play, Mrs Lincoln?

Makes a change from 'but I lurve him'. Dump this loser. It is a very bad relationship, only you can't see that.

CyberCritical · 05/11/2023 16:00

In a 4month period you have found yourself pregnant and had a miscarriage to a man who drinks too much, uses drugs and insults you. Yet somehow you manage to say it's a lovely relationship.

You're going in too fast and settling too low, back out and find someone else, take your time.

Jellybean23 · 05/11/2023 16:09

Back out of the relationship, don't think you can change him. You are trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Find another boyfriend who has more potential.

Twistedex · 05/11/2023 16:15

I've been exactly where you are, and I can promise you it won't get better, it'll get worse.

He doesn't respect himself and he sure as hell doesn't respect you. You deserve SO much better than this - get rid and move on.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 05/11/2023 16:16

Why did you stay after the first lie? And then he called you a bitch and a slag and you still stayed.

4 months and this is how it is already, you need to raise your bar

Thedogscollar · 05/11/2023 16:17

You've dodged a bullet there. Get rid he is a little boy still, playing at grown ups.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 05/11/2023 16:17

CyberCritical · 05/11/2023 16:00

In a 4month period you have found yourself pregnant and had a miscarriage to a man who drinks too much, uses drugs and insults you. Yet somehow you manage to say it's a lovely relationship.

You're going in too fast and settling too low, back out and find someone else, take your time.

Absolutely!! Please take not of this comment OP.

ThatAlbinoCat · 05/11/2023 16:19

You've got no ties with this arsehole, so why are you still with him?

Nicole1111 · 05/11/2023 16:20

RUN don’t walk.

ntmdino · 05/11/2023 16:23

You know how you see all these posts from miserable women in awful relationships in this section?

Sticking with someone because you think you can change them (rather than them deciding to change for themselves) is how you become one of them.

Stop it, and find someone who's going to work with you as a partner in life, not someone you have to grit your teeth to stay with.

MarmitePizza · 05/11/2023 16:25

Without wanting to sound harsh, I think you should think of it as fortunate that you lost the pregnancy. The last thing you want is to be tied to this arsehole for the rest of your life.

End the relationship, move onwards and upwards and don’t look back.

Fionaville · 05/11/2023 16:27

You are not a suitable match. Imagine if you had settled down and had a child with him. He wouldn't change and you'd be labelled a 'nagging bitch' by him. He's a liar, so that's enough to bin him.

Olika · 05/11/2023 16:31

Get rid of him like now.

Changingplace · 05/11/2023 16:33

Walk away now, he won’t change and he’s given you every reason to end this relationship.

geetsyt · 05/11/2023 16:35

Otherwise a very lovely relationship.

Fuck me. Are some people really this dense? I really struggle to have patience on posts like this, read it back for yourself OP, it really shouldn't require outsiders to tell you how shambolic this is.

Maddy70 · 05/11/2023 16:37

Get rid

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