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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like this with dp over money

51 replies

vvuley · 05/11/2023 11:49

We have a 1 year old, the past 6 months i have been trying to make a new business work, its not a huge money maker at the min, anything i make goes right back in to cover costs. I am also starting something else on the side of it, just really trying to earn some money! A regular job and childcare doesn't work numbers wise.

Dp earns a little higher than usual, we each get spending money after all bills etc are covered, mine is always gone 2 weeks in. I am a bit of a spender but it really just goes on parking entertainment for lo and essentials.

I really hate when i run out of money, i try to make it last but short of not leaving the house there's not much more i can do.

When i have to ask dp for money it's horrible, i HATE asking people for money, i know it's different as its dp but to me its just a horrible feeling.

He does make me feel bad, moans that i spend money on bs, or just general huffing and puffing about it.

I just feel really crap, aibu, should i be doing more to contribute?

OP posts:
Honeychickpea · 08/11/2023 00:14

aloris · 07/11/2023 19:42

Well, if he were reasonable, then that would work. But since she runs out of money 2 weeks into the month, and is made to feel horrible and like a spendthrift even though most of her spending is on essentials for her little one, then I would say, no, she is not being paid in kind. Being paid in kind would be if she could get through her entire month without having to beg her husband for money, because he recognizes that her care of the child allows him to bring in a paid income, and that he should share that with her equally. Given that, as she mentions, she's unable to work a regular job because of the childcare, then her being paid in kind would mean he should be sharing his income with her equally, not making her beg for money to get through month.

Show quote history

We don't know that OP's partner does not split with her equally, she hasn't given us those figures. Perhaps he splits spending money with her equally, but end up giving OP some of his spending money when she blows through a month's worth in two weeks.
I do agree there should be a set amount budgeted for the baby's needs.

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