Partners comments regarding helping me

[Kilminchy123]

Hey guys,

im 25 weeks pregnant atm. I’ve been feeling really upset/burnt out this week from tiredness/hormones/DS not sleeping due to being unwell/teething and really bad sciatica pain where I have to drag my leg. I’ve expressed this to my partner who generally is kind.

we are going away today for the night and I was packing for the three of us yesterday evening and cleaning the house before we go so it’s not overwhelming to come back to. I was so tired afterwards as I had been up all night the night before with our toddler (this is purely my responsibility to cater to my son as my partner works I’m a SAHM)

my partner brought my son to his grandparents house for an hour and a half while I got everything done. When he came home I explained everything was packed and ready but I would just need him to clean the car (take out rubbish, bag up DS toys and change over buggy’s to the more comfortable one - 10 minutes would be more than enough to do this) and he very smartly answered and said ‘why would I clean YOUR car?’ - (very much a family car btw that we use when going off together and I use during the week SAHM)

maube it’s because I’m obviously sensitive but I kind of thought - why do I clean your shitty underpants , we help each other .. I then said no problem I’ll do it myself and was crippled all night with hip pain from sciatica and lifting the big pram back in and out of the car. AIBU to be upset??? Don’t want to talk to him. It’s not about the cleaning of the car it’s the fact all week I’ve expressed I’m so tired I’m worn out from pregnancy too and when I ask for help after packing everyone’s stuff that’s his response.

True.
And in all seriousness, a decent partner wouldn't have needed to be asked in the first place.
They would not be expecting their pregnant partner to do so much.

He’s not a great dad, OP. A great dad wouldn’t watch his wife do everything. He’s a cunt.

You need to make him do more, starting with making his wash his own shitty underpants.

You absolutely failed there when you went and did the thing.

You absolutely should have replied with the above about washing his dirty knickers.

And don't wash them anymore.

You've injured yourself just to become a martyr. Don't make that mistake again op!

Lots of love ❤️

I think I'd have been very childish in this situation and unpacked all of his stuff for him to sort himself. I would also absolutely start doing just your laundry if that's the way he wants to have things.

YANBU, he was being a real bastard. ‘Generally kind’ isn’t good enough if he sometimes pulls shit like this.

He is a great dad
Do you really believe that? Because there is nothing you've written that suggests it's true.

I’m often told most moms would only love to be in my position

Who often tells you this?

He is no partner. He's a lazy twat. What a way to treat your pregnant/ injured wife.

Bet he's a shit dad too.

Ha! I assume you're going to stop doing HIS laundry, and stop cooking HIS dinner, etc? And when he queries it, tell him that because HE doesn't want to clean YOUR car, you've decided not to do anything for him because clearly you look after your stuff and he looks after his?

Came to type the exact same. Sorry op.

These threads are so fucking sad. Stop doing everything! These men treat women with contempt and like shit because they can. I doubt he's such an arsehole at work.

Agree, almost on a daily basis someone will come on here saying their DH/partner is a good dad/husband and then list all the reasons why those men are actually the worst examples of both. I often hope these threads are not all real as it's too depressing to think that there are all these women and children out there believing that it is as good as it gets for anyone and then are almost in disbelief when people here point out how awful it actually is.

Honestly, OP, he is not a good partner or father, and you need to be very careful re your personal long term security. At the very least, is your National Insurance being kept up to date? I've met women in your position, unmarried sahp, whose partner leaves later down the line and they have been left in so much shit as a result. Look after yourself.

You do realise you’re his child-bearing slave, don’t you?

His contempt for you and your well-being is hideous to see.

It makes me sad to think you are about to have another baby with this arsehole that has no respect for you.

I am also baffled as to why, so often, as soon as a man and woman get together she starts to do his laundry. I have been with DH for nearly twenty years now, he was perfectly capable of doing his laundry when I met him and I have never been inclined to take this job over for him. And as for packing, well how on earth would I even know what he wishes to pack for his holiday, it is up to him not me! You would be better off splitting with this waste of space, but if you can't do that, you can at least stop being his skivvy.

He is not a great dad.

Great dads don't treat the mothers of their children like shit.

He is not kind either. Kind people do things without being asked and don't watch other people struggle.

Stop being a skivvy and a martyr for this selfish useless twat.

What a horrible bastard

You realise that this is far from normal don't you OP? When you love someone you do not treat them this way.

Such a sad read

How is he a great Dad OP can you enlighten me ?
He sounds a selfish prick.

I know it is unlikely that people will start threads to say how happy they are with their partner however I do find it depressing that so many women are starting threads about their lazy , unappreciative and frankly shit partners .
Even more depressing is when they almost invariably add that he is a great Dad !
OP I have been married more than 30 times years and have never once packed for my husband ( nor would he expect me to) He is an adult and up to him !

He's bloody awful and he's not a good dad. What kind of example is he showing to your child?

I feel for you, OP, I was a SAHM for nearly 10 years to 3 DCs and I'm still part-time. If you love him and/or rely on him financially and can't split up, you still need things to change.

My advice would be to try to have a calm conversation with him - how would he cope if you become more ill with the pregnancy? What will he do if you can no longer shop / cook / do laundry / look after your little ones? Try to get him to lead - ask him what he needs to know to be effective.

If you can get him to understand, then you can start with rotas, task lists, etc.

If he won't talk or listen, stop doing things. If he asks why things aren't done, answer "I was too ill", "I was in too much pain". Put it back on him. Hth and congratulations on your pregnancy

Weather your a stay at home mum or not parenting is a 50/50 job. I'm having the same trouble getting this threw to my partner as I'm currently in the same position with a 3 year old daughter and currently 35 weeks pregnant & really struggling. Just no it's not you going threw this it's not your hormones and your not being unreasonable. My partner thinks it's alright to go get his other daughter(she's not mine) and leave her also with me on weekends while he works when I'm struggling to even cater for my own toddler. I feel the same way and very depressed most days. If you need a chat I'm here. Stop looking after him so much does he pay you for being a stay at home mum? I don't agree with gender discrimination now days maybe tell him your struggling and need help & if you don't get it stop washing his pants and socks till he realises!x