An Auntie/Uncle One

[TheOutlaws]

For context: PILs are mid/late 70s but a bit more ‘1950s teens’ than ‘1960s teens’. Fairly working/lower-middle class upbringing but socially mobile.

Yesterday, in conversation, I enquired after their niece. ‘Obnoxious, as usual’ came the response from MIL. ‘She refuses to call me Auntie M, and just uses my name. It’s disrespectful to her elders.’ FIL piped up, ‘children should respect their elders’. Niece is 57

DH says they’re old-fashioned and there’s a lot more to their upset than just the presenting issue of Auntie-calling (he’s right, of course). But this just isn’t a concern in my family, IMO it’s disrespectful of PILs to take offence and pull rank. Additionally, I feel bad for calling them by their first names for 20 years, because they must think I’m disrespectful and impudent.

YABU: even 57 year olds should call their elders Auntie/Uncle.

YANBU: this is stupid, first name terms in this context is in no way disrespectful.

How funny 😆

On the other end of the spectrum my siblings and I call everyone by their first name. Even our own parents.

My mothers name is Roberta. The children all call her Bobs. It's a term of endearment

Ridiculous l hate the whole Auntie/Uncle thing and have told my Nephews and Nieces not to call me that but just use my name.

Im 47 and still call my aunts “auntie”.

I can remember when i was younger and my gran was approx 70 she still had her aunt Alice who she called Auntie.

it’s just people’s preference on what they call their aunts. Our grown up nieces and nephews still call us aunt and uncle.

Our girls have 'uncles' they're not related to. Several single make friends are uncle even ghough the girls are now adults with their own children. They continue to call them uncle because they know it makes them feel part of the family. Some are uncle to the grand children.

My little nieces and nephews call me Auntie @TimeForACider and I love it. The older ones don’t. I’m fine either way 🤷‍♀️ I guess it’s a bit like when my own kids went from mummy to mum.

I've never called any of my aunts and uncles 'aunty' or 'uncle'. Most of them are dead now - all born between 1900-1920s. No one had an issue with it! Certainly not as an adult. Nothing to do with respect.

I am older than most people in this set up and have never called anyone or been called Auntie or Uncle. Just first names.

DP calls my mum by her first name, but BIL calls her “Mum”.

Likewise, my mum calls my paternal grandma (her MIL) “Mum”.

I find it awkward and don’t know what to call my own MIL, since using “Mum” isn’t a thing in their family but I can’t bring myself to call her by her first name, so I don’t call her anything at all!

Even as a child I never called my aunts/uncles by the title, just by their names. It's normal in my family.
It's not rude, especially for an adult.

I am 57. I have one uncle still alive and I call him “uncle”. He has been a large part of my life since I was born and shifting to call him something else would have not felt natural. That said I have no doubt at all that had I ever ceased to call him “uncle” he would not have minded and would certainly not have called me “obnoxious”. My cousin, who is a couple of years older than I, has called our uncle just by his given name for many years. It’s not an issue either way.

And to add, my father had an uncle still living until my father was 75. He still called him “uncle”. Uncle was 95. That was always quite touching.

it is funny how auntie is spelled though.
this is how i spell it and i see others spell it the same
i guess i would refer to my uncle as my uncle XXX
my niece is about 30 and calls me Auntie but always with a big grin.
i sign off cards as an auntie

I think what I most struggle with is "Auntie" which seems quite babyish. I'm perfectly happy with my nieces and nephews calling me by my name, but I always thought of my own aunts and uncles as, say, Aunt Jane and Uncle John, and still do though they're now dead. But, as an adult, I could never have brought myself to use "Auntie Jane".

I'd guess Mr/Mrs X, if they're keen on formality? I did that with my in laws for a while early on, though MiL was quick to tell me to use her first name.

I'm very relaxed about my own nephews/nieces calling me Aunty. I think I dropped the title for my own aunts and uncles fairly naturally as a teen or thereabouts.

my dh brother's brother's wife didnt seem to appreciate being called auntie from my dc, which i thought was odd, but she is quite dour

My (multiple) aunts and uncles have been trying to get us adult cousins to stop calling them aunty and uncle for years 🤣

We all do it by habit 🤷‍♀️

I'm 56 and have always called my aunty and uncles 'aunty and uncle' because it feels like a nice term of endearment, but my own grown up nieces/nephews have called me by my first name for years, which is also fine.
I was actually pleasantly surprised when my BIL's youngest daughter referred to me as 'aunty' when they came to stay (we hardly ever see them) - it did feel endearing and respectful.

I’m in my fifties, still call aunts and uncles Aunt X Uncle X, to me it’s my emotional connection with them, makes them special to me. I do have one uncle who’d prefer I not call him uncle but I always forget.

my nephews and nieces just call me by my name, I did for many years ask them to put auntie in front but they all ignored me, and I did feel it was disrespectful and I think it has affected my relationship with them.

I have another niece who is a lot younger and she call me auntie and we have a really lovely relationship.

my DH hates being called uncle, always has, said it made him feel very old.

so I suppose it’s just down to who you are, what your thoughts are etc, I do think respect of your elders has waned I just can’t be sure whether I think it’s a good thing or not. Probably each to their own.

I’m in my sixties, I still say aunt/uncle when I talk about them (deceased now)

In my (Irish) family we just called aunts and uncles by their names. If I was talking about one I'd say "my auntie, Tina" outside of family but in the family I'd just call her Tina because everyone would know who I'm talking about. I didn't hear anyone add the title to their aunt or uncles names until I moved to England.

My nephews/nieces called my auntie until they were adults (finished university), and they had longer term partners that were a little lost to know what to call me
I then told them to drop auntie
they call me by my family “pet” name, which only my Siblings use now (they use another pet name as well and my full name interchangeably . neice and nephews now spouses use my pet name as well.
It’s lovely, it’s a family name for me so there’s that strong link to family rather then them calling me the same as a friend or passing acquaintance

im happy, they’re happy. I don’t need “respect”, just to be part of their extended family they’re close to.

@SockQueen Not to out myself, but if I’d called them Mr/Mrs X then it might go something like this

I have never called my uncle or aunt, aunt or uncle. My parents and they thought it old-fashioned. I have somehow managed to distinguish them as my family for 45 years and as far as I know they are not offended. I agree that it is awful to call a family member obnoxious for calling you by your actual name - it’s not the 1950s.

I'm in my 60's and still call my dad's siblings Aunty/Uncle. My uncles on my mum's side I call by their names. My mum's two best friends are still "Aunty" to me as well.

I’m 32 and still call my Mom’s siblings Auntie and Uncle as do my cousins.
My cousin recently married and he found it weird that we all did that as he doesn’t.
To us it’s always been normal so being asked why was strange.
But it boils down to respect and familiarity.