To not be able to work my DS out

[ChristmasIsComingRealSoon]

Can anyone diagnose my DS?

11 years old
Extremely loving.
Affectionate.
Adores cuddles.
Very generous with his love, very easily expresses love and affection.
Smiles often.
Laughs easily.
Brilliant sense of humour.
Makes others laugh.
Emotionally intelligent.
Brilliant conversationalist with me and DH.
Excellent eye contact with me, DH, sibling.
Clever at English, history, geography, science.
Horrendous at maths.
Loves swimming and cycling.
Loathes team/competitive sports.
Appalling conversationalist with peers.
Poor eye contact with peers.
Poor eye contact with my adult friends.
Poor conversationalist with my adult friends.
Incredible interest in weather, weather forecasts, weather patterns, weather in all different areas of the world, historical weather, floods, heatwaves, hurricanes, storms, temperatures. Spends hours searching online about weather.
Wants friends and enjoys company but really struggles socially.
Struggles to maintain friends.
Suffers quite badly from sensory overload.
Repeats words and phrases, to the point of driving the family mad.
Low self esteem.
Cannot listen to the word 'stop'. Won't stop when told to stop repeating words and phrases. Won't stop when told to stop winding sibling up on purpose. Won't stop when told to shut screen down.
Really, really hard to motivate to get ready for school/bed/clubs.
Gets highly, highly irritable when using screens, to the point where screen time changes his mood and he becomes really rude and snappy, despite being usually polite and well mannered, even after only half an hour of use.
Gets sucked in to screen time, cannot log off, cannot stop searching Internet about focused interests, Gets really cross at me limiting his time online.
Highly sensitive.
Seeks endless reassurance that we love him.
Has tics, vocal and motor.
Touches and taps windowsills, sinks, taps, walls, fences, bins, doors, furniture.
Walks forward, back, sidesteps, then repeats the pattern before continuing to walk normally again.
Petrified of shower water going in to face.
Petrified of shampoo going in to eyes.
Won't shower himself, insists on me showering him but then shouts at me in the shower through the sheer stress of being showered. Unbelievably remorseful afterwards about shouting at me, says it's really stressful in the shower, can't help it, and says "I feel bad about myself now" afterwards.
Smiles at himself in mirrors.
Kisses 10 cuddly toys and a clock in a ritual before bed every night.
Gets sudden onset anxiety attacks, to the pointvof chest pain, hard to pinpoint cause.
Gets anxious about all sorts of things.
Sometimes sleeps soundly through the night, other times lays awake for hours in the night.
Gentle.
Kind, so unbelievably kind.
Doesn't know how to start conversation with peers.
Doesn't know how to initiate friendships.
No interest in music.
No interest in pets.
Retains random facts.
Incredible, quite unbelievable long term memory.
Appalling short term memory.
Calm when not shouting about the shower.
Really amazingly good at explaining and articulating his thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Incredibly in touch with how he feels.
Has a soft, kind face.
Unbelievably loveable.
I have such a strong feeling he's different to his peers.

I'm relatively sure he's autistic with OCD

Trouble is, now you think you know that, what are you going to do with the information if you can't afford to go private?

You’ve had some very harsh replies here OP. Of course you want the best for your child and in your place, I would have concerns too. It’s important to establish what is behind his anxiety as he moves into adolescence/adulthood in order to support his mental health, as this is when things can get more complicated. I’d do as a PP suggested and print your list off, return to your GP and say you suspect that your son may be on the autistic spectrum/ have OCD/ ADHD. There’s going to be a wait unless you can afford a private referral, so maybe have a chat with charities that support people/ parents of children with Autism/ADHD/ OCD
There is a lot of advice and support online.

I would request the school senco send you a referral form for a adhd/autism assessment. I’d use your list as reasons why . You have to complete a lot of information on the form . This is different from a cahms referral. This will help you get more answers

What does your son think? Does he feel that he needs support? You could start with getting an assessment of need from your local community nurse. It's very hard to get any kind of support on the public system. I asked for an assessment when my son was 18 months old hes now almost 5 and still havent been contacted only to say hes still on the list. We went private when he was 2 and got an autism assessment, play therapy, speech and language and occupational therapy privately and all made a huge difference. An occupational therapist would be a good route to help your son manage his anxiety and behaviours.

The first few responders on this thread should be ashamed of themselves. Clearly bored in the middle of the night and fancied starting a pile on. Yes I'm talking to you @FreeezePeach @ForfarFourEastFifeFive and @DuplicateUserName.

OP your son sounds lovely, but equally I understand why you are looking for answers. I'm afraid I don't have any further advice than what's been said above but as one PP said, the important thing for now is that he's safe and loved.

It's cheesy but there's an episode of Derek where the main character, who appears to have some sort of ASD, is told by a local official that he should seek a diagnosis. Derek asks why - is it bad to have ASD? Will anything change? When they fail to come up with a satisfactory answer he decides he doesn't want or need any investigations thank you very much.

I'm not a medical professional in any way shape or form but if these behaviours first came on after an infection then this might be worth reading about.

https://www.panspandasuk.org/what-are-pans-and-pandas

Here's something from the Royal College of Nursing about how easily this condition can be missed:

https://www.rcn.org.uk/news-and-events/Blogs/pans-pandas-a-mysterious-and-debilitating-paediatric-disorder-180523

There's nothing irresponsible about asking for pointers from other parents when you're worried about your kid, unless they're very acutely physically ill and you're reading Mumsnet instead of dialling 999.

He is anxious and probably has adhd/ ocd / autism.
As PP have said. Just ask the school for help without diagnosis. Posters here are nasty. Can't believe it.
He has spat once and now feels like he has to to feel better. It gets stress out.
Yes. Maybe baths rather a shower.
He is telling you why he does things really. He feels unloved. Maybe he's gay and can't tell you. Or he wants a girlfriend and thinks he's weird and will never get one.

Op. I can't believe the rude and unhelpful replies you have had from some overnight.

I suggest you repost on the SN Chat board as they will be informed and helpful unlike some here.

There is clearly something going on, probably a mixture of somethings, though the somethings tend to overlap somewhat anyway.

The SN Chat board may also help you identify strategies for your DS and also what you may need to be more proactive on as he gets older.

Secondary school will be way more sensory and stressful than primary so you may need to talk to their senco in advance even if he is coping now.

Sorry love, you've missed the pile on. We've all moved on to providing the type of support one should be able to expect from a parenting forum.

Ignore the idiotic posters saying he’s spoiled/quirky/you’ve done something wrong.

He’s (likely) autistic, OP. This is what a diagnostic team would tell you if you presented them with the list you’ve posted. The OCD stuff is part of autism, different personalities present differently. He might benefit from getting on the waiting list; school can then make accommodations.

In my area we can ask the gp for an adhd/autism assessment via a service outside of the nhs . I would also see if you can ask for a sensory assessment . I would show the list you have put on here .
My friends son was having similiar issues and they paid for a sensory assessment which came up with lots of difficulties around the senses in his jaw ( teeth brushing) , water on skin etc ), this started a chain of events where he was diagnosed with autism and sensory difficulties . . None of this may apply to your son but it may help to know this to help him as it seems he's struggling in certain areas similiar , they were given loads of advise from the sensory team

@ludocris 😘

Keep supporting him and when you do get to CAHMS give them this list.

However and in a nice way, you shouldn't be showering your almost teenager. If it's sensory get him to bath instead

In my area, schools can refer to the community paediatrician if they suspect autism. Is that something you can explore? It is separate to CAMHS.

Well this thread shows Mumsnet at its nurturing best doesn't it? What a wonderfully supportive community of mums we are, eh ladies?

OP, if you have genuine concerns have you reached out to any mental health charities at all? They may have suggestions or ways to bypass a long wait? It dues sound there are underlying issues here and I hope you find some answers xx

Autism and ocd. Sounds like some anxiety too which can go alongside.
He sounds like a lovely boy, OP.

Stop telling him to stop repeating words. If he is autistic, which he could well be, he won't have a lot of control over it.
It could also be helping him to regulate.

Same with the showering - is there an alternative?
Do you have a bath he could try to use?
It sounds like it is really distressing him.

Like beardon's book about anxiety and autistic children might be useful as camhs are taking so long.

Some people on this thread are being absolutely horrible when you just come across as a loving parent reaching out for some support or advice. Of course internet strangers can’t and shouldn’t try to diagnose your son, but you could easily encounter other parents who might have experienced similar and be able to offer you some insight.

The thing about neurodiversity is it is a huge spectrum, and as you have discovered it is very hard to get any kind of support on the NHS unless your child‘s particular presentation causes them or others significant difficulty. Some of your son’s traits do raise the possibility of neurodiversity, I can understand why it’s something you’re considering.

Do you have the resources to try and pursue a private diagnosis? Or you might seek out a therapist specialising in neurodiverse children. That could assist him with some of the things he is struggling with, like his anxiety.

I’m autistic as is my niece and cousin. Sounds like autism to me. Try to keep stressors down around stuff he finds hard, don’t stress the bedtime routine or the tics, celebrate his successes. He sounds like he’s doing great in school. Is he happy? That’s really what you need. Happiness and eventually a job to pay the bills 😃

By the time OP sees CAMHS he will have a very different list of presentation points.

In meantime, you want to work on the things he enjoys & excels at & help him draw self-esteem from those. I am intrigued about the "stop" problem. It's normal for lots of young people to have poor impulse control. I'd be looking for strategies to help him find some impulse control, it may involve you helicoptering at first at least.

@lljkk

I wonder if the ‘stop’ thing is demand avoidance?

OCD! Definately sounds like this, it must be so hard for him as the compulsion to spit the water everywhere and repeat words is too atrong alongside the tight chest from anxiety at nor doing it, he probably believes something bad will happen if he doesnt do it. You need to go to the drs and say you think he has ocd

Various possible diagnoses have been suggested but no one can diagnose on this thread. and i'm not sure a diagnosis will help much anyway.

focus on the behaviours that are causing problems. So if the showering / brushing teeth is a big issue, then work slowly and gently on improving that. let your DS have a bath or find a way to avoid stress around that situation.

a lot of things on your list are either normal (shy of talking to adults) or not-a-major-issue (repeats words and phrases) so ignore them.

I'd concentrate on the anxiety and effects of screen time. and otherwise, let him be himself as a lovely quirky kid.

i would ask the school what they would recommend.
ok you have a 2 year wait
but in the meantime you would like some solution.