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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at pro-life friend

29 replies

theprincessthepea · 04/11/2023 21:49

A friend of mine (10 + years of friendship) has always been pro-life. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion but no need to share when it’s unhelpful.

Lately more friends are getting married and her first question is always “so when will you both have our babies” - and openly admits to constantly asking whenever she talks to them - it’s a joke but I find it so weird.

Whenever friends have had unplanned pregnancies she (of course) convinces them to go ahead with pregnancy (I guess as opposed to listening) Then promises that she will be there no matter what - but obviously cannot be, in reality she’s committed to the odd babysitting and visits and days out (which is nice as many friends don’t put that effort in). But her approach almost simplifies the real support needed.

I don’t talk to her much these days but whenever we are in the same social settings and this topic comes up - it annoys me. She knows that I am pro-choice and often I talk a lot about the realities of parenting (as a parent) - but her thinking shocks me every time.

I think I’m getting annoyed at the naivety of her thinking and lack of sensitivity around this topic. AIBU?

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 04/11/2023 21:51

She certainly sounds incredibly annoying and I wouldn't make much effort to stay in touch. Having said that, I doubt very much that she's persuaded anyone who didn't want a baby to have one?

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/11/2023 21:52

"Our" babies? Does she really say that to people?

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/11/2023 21:53

Whenever friends have had unplanned pregnancies she (of course) convinces them to go ahead with pregnancy

Whenever?? Haven't your friends heard of contraception?? How many irresponsible friends do you have??

Loubelle70 · 04/11/2023 21:53

Ask her, considering shes pro life and 'supportive', if she's willing to financially, emotionally support the new child until child is 18? If not then it's none of her business.

Chickenkeev · 04/11/2023 21:54

I wouldn't be friends with someone like that tbh.

Missingmyusername · 04/11/2023 21:56

Whenever friends have had unplanned pregnancies she (of course) convinces them to go ahead with pregnancy

🤔

PauliesWalnuts · 04/11/2023 21:58

Everyone has their own opinion but a woman’s right to choose is so ingrained in me that I couldn’t be friends with a pro-lifer. I’ve defriended two people because of this.

tillytoodles1 · 04/11/2023 21:59

It's a difficult situation. I'm pro life and could never abort a baby, but that's my choice, not theirs.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/11/2023 22:01

Whenever friends have had unplanned pregnancies she (of course) convinces them to go ahead with pregnancy
How often is this happening? Thank goodness you're about op so you can be completely judgemental about your thinking she's judgemental but you of course are better.

Loubelle70 · 04/11/2023 22:04

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/11/2023 22:01

Whenever friends have had unplanned pregnancies she (of course) convinces them to go ahead with pregnancy
How often is this happening? Thank goodness you're about op so you can be completely judgemental about your thinking she's judgemental but you of course are better.

Its not about judgement, but about realising people have different views, but if everytime someone got pregnant OP said 'you know you have choices, you dont have to go through with it' then i guess she would also be treated same as OP friend...OP isnt pushing her beliefs on every pregnant woman. OP friend is

MariaLuna · 04/11/2023 22:05

I wouldn't be friends with someone like that tbh.

No, I couldn't either. She sounds pushy to the extreme. boring!

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/11/2023 22:09

Loubelle70 · 04/11/2023 22:04

Its not about judgement, but about realising people have different views, but if everytime someone got pregnant OP said 'you know you have choices, you dont have to go through with it' then i guess she would also be treated same as OP friend...OP isnt pushing her beliefs on every pregnant woman. OP friend is

'You don't have to go through with it'.. no that doesn't sound biased at all.
Why do people say 'pro choice' but it's really pro abortion?

LakeTiticaca · 04/11/2023 22:18

She sounds very overbearing. Can't stand people who force their views on others

theprincessthepea · 04/11/2023 22:22

@Eyesopenwideawake not many. Most are in relationships or marriages but don’t plan to have children.

Arn’t 50% of pregnancies unplanned anyway???

OP posts:
JustKen · 04/11/2023 22:27

She can have her opinions but not foist them on others. She sounds embarrassing.

roibustea · 04/11/2023 22:31

When you say she's convinced people to have children do you mean they wouldn't have unless this women had promised to do some babysitting? I think that's more worrying than your domineering friend tbh...

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 04/11/2023 22:31

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose Because the pro lifers would take that choice away

Loubelle70 · 04/11/2023 22:33

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/11/2023 22:09

'You don't have to go through with it'.. no that doesn't sound biased at all.
Why do people say 'pro choice' but it's really pro abortion?

Absolutely pro abortion...whats your view on pregnancy as a result of rape?

MeinKraft · 04/11/2023 22:33

'Why do people say 'pro choice' but it's really pro abortion?'

Pro abortion for those who want or need it. As in, pro women having a choice in whether to continue their pregnancy ergo pro choice. No one is out there telling pregnant woman who don't want to end their pregnancy that they should get an abortion.

theprincessthepea · 04/11/2023 22:34

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose no judgement from me! I was a teen mum with an unplanned pregnancy so I’ve lived it! Faced the judgement and prejudice too!

I worked, raised my child and have a decent life and find that friends come to me to talk about these things as I was the first in the group to go through it.

I think there needs to be a term that says pro-“the woman”

@VickyEadieofThigh yes she says “our”

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 04/11/2023 22:35

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose it's pro choice because people want individual women and girls to have the choice as to whether to continue or terminate a pregnancy. No one is campaigning for more women to have abortions, no pro choice campaigner is standing outside maternity departments shouting at pregnant women to have abortions. So no, it's not "pro-abortion".

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/11/2023 22:37

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/11/2023 22:09

'You don't have to go through with it'.. no that doesn't sound biased at all.
Why do people say 'pro choice' but it's really pro abortion?

She's more likely to say 'What do you want to do?'.

And using your own logic, why do people say 'pro life' when they really mean anti abortion?

theprincessthepea · 04/11/2023 22:40

@roibustea I don’t know how many people she has had this convo with but she tends to tell me peoples business (which is also a red flag!) and so she would say something like “my friend xxxx is pregnant and doesn’t know what to do. I told her to keep it. I don’t know why people have abortions.”

My approach - firstly I won’t tell anyone else as it’s none of my business and the person has chosen to confine in me. Secondly I would be a listening ear as opposed to inflicting my opinion - whatever that may be.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 04/11/2023 22:46

MeinKraft · 04/11/2023 22:33

'Why do people say 'pro choice' but it's really pro abortion?'

Pro abortion for those who want or need it. As in, pro women having a choice in whether to continue their pregnancy ergo pro choice. No one is out there telling pregnant woman who don't want to end their pregnancy that they should get an abortion.

Exactly

almondseagull · 04/11/2023 22:48

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/11/2023 22:09

'You don't have to go through with it'.. no that doesn't sound biased at all.
Why do people say 'pro choice' but it's really pro abortion?

Pro choice is Pro choice, not when it fits in a narrow range