To say everything is so much harder after kids?

[Riddlemethisplz]

Saving In Particularly for a house or a wedding, or holidays.

paying high rent whilst on mat pay

that’s not to say it’s impossible and that people don’t do it but it is harder.

would you gently say that to someone who’s a bit head in the clouds?

I've just responded on your other thread about this.

Did you/they expect it to be easier while not earning full wage?

If they haven't planned financially they are in for a shock when they need to pay for childcare when they return to work!

Yeah I’ve asked MN hq to remove that as I put earn in the title and posted here instead but I agree with your point on lighting a fire under you to earn more

Of course it harder. More outgoings less time etc.

I wouldn’t just spout that thought to someone though, unless they asked for my opinion or I thought they would revive it well.

No two peoples circs are the same, though
For us, it’ll be cheaper to rent while I am on reduced income through maternity leave. Our rent is £600 a month. If we bought a house now, even a studio flat around here would be £1100 per month at least with interest rates on mortgage repayments. Don’t fancy being -500 down! We do have a deposit though

I don’t think kids have to make things harder but it’s all about priorities and individual situation. If you have one child, have family support and work opposing times to your DP/DH and intend to go back to work full time you’ll be no worse off. If you have one child, immediately have another, decide to quit your job and be a one-income household then yeah things are probably harder.

If you're asking if you should say this to a childless person no you absolutely shouldn't.

sort of was and I felt very Awks and danced around it a bit, because like a pp said the ‘oh better sleep now’ comments were infuriating, but maybe I should’ve been more honest that it will be harder to save for a house with a child, esp in london and you can’t always bank on family help

Any sensible person should know this anyway, and if they don't, I don't think any amount of explaining it to them will make a difference, really.

Why not if you were asked?

plans given and then said oh that seems sensible right and doable? I feel I should’ve been more honest, obviously not going to call said friend up now and say oh btw it’s going to harder but in hindsight, perhaps I should’ve been more honest

Oh if I was asked then I’d have given a direct answer. I would have tried to be sensitive though. Eg…..

”yes we found it harder saving when we had little blueberry. My wage dropped due to maternity leave, we had child related expense. In retrospect I didn’t realise how much difference having a child would make financially. However we managed and I think If you plan ahead and prep a budget for having a baby most people manage somehow”.

I think I was too wishy washy, but it came from a row with her folks, as she wants a lot of kids close together and a big wedding and a big house and they’ve said, if you want that get your priorities straight, house and wedding first if it’s what you want etc. Think it may have been more harshly worded than that. I don’t think she’s a high earner and in london too any drop in income you’ll feel. I do see her parents point down view

I don't understand.
Of course a vastly reduced earning capacity ( maternity leave, extended or not) or vastly increased expenses ( nursery fees/ higher accommodation costs if more space is needed) is going to make things more difficult financially. The only question really is whether you can afford to take the hit.

I’d say few are able to take the hit and still purchase the big house and have the big holidays and a big wedding

I don’t understand. Your friend presumably knows more about her own earnings, savings and general financial capacity than you do. Unless she’s unusually dimwitted, surely she understands maternity pay, childcare expenses etc?

It's harder but then again having kids can focus your mind. You end up working harder at things because it's for them, not just for you.

i don’t think she grasped the cost of childcare and then the general kid expenses no or Mat pay (it was the premise of the argument) it’s what her parents were trying to say, that saving for a house with a few children will be a lot harder and as a general principle I agree.

Yeah sure, it’s not a value judgment on if it’s bad or good, simply that it’s harder and will take longer to save, 50k or so, which lets be honest is bloody hard anyway

Wow so childless people don't work hard?

YANBU

Every single aspect of my life became more difficult and complicated after kids, and it’s never resolved even 12 years on (but they do have SEN which is parenting set to hard mode anyway!)

Talk about getting triggered over nothing. That’s not what was said at all. Poster is talking about having kids inspiring them to work harder, not that childless people don’t work hard. Come on

Triggered over nothing? You have no idea.

It is triggered over nothing. I never saved before having kids, but now I’ve got them it’s changed my mindset and I’m far better at saving. It doesn’t mean I didn’t work hard before kids, it means I was lazy with saving before kids, ME. Not other childless people. I also worked perfectly hard. The poster wasn’t being insulting to childless people. All people are different, some people find it easier to save after kids, some people find it harder. Childless people don’t come into others individual battles and successes.

Financially aside, EVERYTHING is harder with kids.

I'm mentally and physically broken. I darent even think about financially

How can you possibly be offended that someone saying their children inspired or motivated them to work harder. Like how? That’s reaching by even MN standards.

For instance pre kids I earned 25k a year and managed to save close to £1k a month no problem. My rent was £200, food shop £100, petrol £60, council tax £60, gas electric £30, used someone else’s Netflix, phone £40

post kids ain’t no way I’ve ever come close to that even on double the salary

so if i didn’t have kids I might’ve coasted and not pushed myself career wise because I was ‘doing ok’. That says nothing about childless people, literally.