AIBU to pretend it’s my birthday?

[TeamSleep]

A relative always sends me a birthday card exactly a month after my birthday, I’ve never mentioned it and just thank her for the card when we speak. Didn’t think it was a problem, we don’t see her very often.

Today she rang, spoke my DH as I was working, and said she’s visiting our area a few days before the date she thinks it’s my birthday and she would like to take us all out for a meal as a treat. She made a comment about it being nice to celebrate my birthday (although that’s not the reason for the meet up, it’s just a coincidence).

My dilemma is when we meet up for this meal do I pretend it’s my birthday coming up in the next few days or come clean and tell her my birthday was a few weeks ago and she’s been sending me a card on the wrong date for years!

YABU come clean and tell her my real birthday date and that she’s been getting it wrong all these years

YANBU pretend you haven’t had your birthday yet and keep up the pretence (we have young children though and I’m worried they’ll say something!)

Both options don’t sit right with me so please tell me if there’s a better way I can approach this that I haven’t thought of yet!

Come clean now before it’s too late!

This made me laugh.
I'd meet up and go for a meal and in chit chat I'd casually mention what I did for my birthday. When she twigs about the card and if she mentions it I'd say I thought the post was delayed when I received it every year 😆

I don’t think a delay birthday mean is an issue.

Let her think she’s doing the right thing. Tell the kids is an adult thing to have a delayed birthday meal!

You need to tell her now! At the moment it’s a misunderstanding, but if you pretend it’s your birthday and let her take you out, to celebrate, it becomes a lie.

She’s not taking us out to celebrate my birthday it’s just a coincidence that she’s in the area a few days before she thinks it’s my birthday.

This.

“Thank you so much, that is so thoughtful of you. I should probably tell you though, that my birthday is actually X of October, not November! I haven’t wanted to make a fuss all these years, in fact I have always looked forward to your card in November! :).” Hopefully you and she can just laugh about it!

Made me chuckle YANBU as there was no harm caused, and made me elicit the first laugh of the day :)

I did this for years, sent a card on the patron saint's day who had the same name as a family member whose birthday was actually a whole month before.

I love this, thank you. I do actually joke when her card arrives that it’s nice to get a delayed card, when all the others have come down it gets pride of place on the mantelpiece. So thanks, I’ll phrase it like this but probably just bring it up at the meal rather than contact her specifically about it before we meet as DH has made all the arrangements now.

This is such a me thing to do. I answered to a random name at work for 4 years 😂 only when my leaving card went round for signing they apologised and felt terrible 😂 i probably wouldnt say anything because id worry she'd feel really embarassed but depends on her character, if it can be mentioned jokingly like PP gave an example?

I'd arrange to meet up for a meal and when she brings up the fact it's your birthday, I'd laugh and say she's a month late. But have a good old giggle about it.

My sisters birthday is a month after mine and when we were children we always got sent cards on each other’s birthday by our grandad. Just tell them they’ve got the date wrong. I don’t see why you haven’t yet tbh. I would have mentioned it the first time.

Haha! That’s hilarious, love it!
Yes I do worry I’ll embarrass her, thinking about her character, so that’s a big reservation.
I’ve just explained the situation to my seven year old and she’s really excited to pretend it hasn’t been my birthday yet when we meet up, but I’m not sure how I feel about my children lying though!
So I’m still a bit undecided on how to handle it.

This is a relative I don’t see or speak to very often, we exchange Birthday and Christmas cards but have never met up or spoken to each other around those times and there didn’t seem much point in making a point of contacting her to specifically point out her mistake.

OP this really made me laugh!

you should tell her it’s the wrong date but in the way a PP mentioned above, hopefully all will laugh and just have a good time.

I don’t know why I did it but when I worked in a shop and forgot my name tag I used a spare and saw someone on the same course as me. They called me that name and I didn’t correct them. They called me that (Katie - not my name or even close!) in passing for three years. When social media became a thing we ended up with lots of friends in common and I always cringed when I saw them come up as a suggestion because my surname is uncommon and I always imagined them being really foxed by it 🫣😅

How terribly British!

"That's a lovely idea XXXX and we look forward to seeing you. I'm not sure how the mix up happened but my birthday is actually a month earlier."

When is this happening and will u tell us the outcome?

Next weekend and yes I’ll try and remember to!

Best case scenario is that there will be little mention of my birthday and she’ll just hand me a card and I’ll say thank you and then we’ll just catch up! But if she starts asking me what I’m doing for my birthday or digging about it I just know I’m not going to be able to pretend. I just hope she takes it well, she might be very offended I haven’t mentioned anything sooner. I’m an idiot!

I did this with a good friend's child - got the year wrong. Apparently it was their family joke for years. I wished they had told me. Every year I carefully chose an age card. Even for the big celebrations. I felt a fool when I found out.

Oh no OP, I hate this kind of dilemma! It did make me laugh though, sorry! If it was me, I think I’d have to tell her. Pretending just gets too stressful as you have to keep it up, and obviously the more you try it, the worse it is when the truth comes out, as it nearly always does. Good luck though, hope it goes well,whatever you decide!
In my first proper job, I answered the phone, and the woman on the other end, thinking she recognised my voice as belonging to someone else, launched straight in with ‘ oh my god, Julia, how long has it been?’ Etc. I was so taken aback, and always at that young age thinking I had to please, I didn’t correct her, and let her go on, and I just answered questions as best I could ( not actually being Julia, I had to be suitably vague), while all the time panicking! Eventually she asked my number, suggesting we meet up, and I just nervously said ‘ um, I don’t think I’m the person you think I am’. There was a puzzled and then quite angry silence at the other end and it got very awkward. It was so much worse because why the hell had I let hadn’t I stopped her sooner?! Haha, I still cringe remembering it. 😆

😥

This is so cute it made me smile reading!
If it was me, I would do as a pp said and bring it up did you know my bday was Oct not Nov and mention the fact her card as always has pride of place on its own all these years on your fireplace. Just laugh it off.

Anyway enjoy your meal 😘

and...