To think there’s nothing wrong with this office friendship?

[AbstractLandscapes]

Two months in and I’ve found myself the subject of office gossip.

I took a 6 year break to try to become a painter. Painted water colour portraits of people’s houses which did quite well for a while, but demand dwindled and it got to a point where I dreaded picking up a paintbrush so I figured it was time to stop.

Two months ago I landed my current job. I knew nothing about this industry but my boss took a chance on me because I had unique skills and I like to believe that I’m good enough at it now.

That was the first point of contention with my colleagues. For the first month, they really had to pick up the slack for me and I think they weren’t expecting having to train someone from scratch. Heard through the grapevine that people thought I was a “nepo baby” even though I don’t know anyone there.

Last month, the head of our HR department retired and they promoted someone from another branch across the country to be the new head of HR.

Sometime during that week I ran into her at the coffeeshop on my way to work and we somehow got to chatting. We quickly became friends and she’s basically my “coffee buddy” now. Apparently this is another sticking point!! Heard again through the grapevine (2 separate reliable sources) that I’m now apparently a social climber!

Are people in HR or management not supposed to have friends?

AIBU to think there’s nothing wrong with this friendship?

I had crap like this from a line manager.
"You are too friendly with A and J. It isn't fair on the rest of your shift (I was the shift manager)."
I was friendly with them, the three of us socialised outside of work, because we got on really well, they were the only two who lived locally to me and we were all in a similar situation personally (ie, single, living alone, no kids or they were grown up).
We all got on fine at work, l was very careful not to have favourites in the office (I'd take in cakes and sweets on a regular basis for everyone) and no one else seemed to have a problem with it. Which l told her.
"You shouldn't be socialising with them outside of work."
"You socialise with T (our senior manager)." Which she did. They went out in a foursome with their husbands.
That was different, apparently. So l spoke to T, the senior manager to see if she had a problem with it.
Not at all. She said, "I know you're fair with your staff, and you don't have favourites at work. And it's none of her damn business who you see outside of work! And frankly, if you've got bugger all else to talk about besides work when you're out, you need to get out more."

I can see why people would not like you... Imagine being in an industry for many years and then having someone new who comes with zero experience and having to train them and doing their job because they can't (but are in the job nevertheless), and then this person making friends with management.

I have a friend in a different field who landed a writing job for a TV show without doing a drama school/writing courses, she used to work in a totally different field unrelated to anything creative, everyone around her went to drama school or similar and spent years earning pretty crap money if anything before landing actual writing jobs, years of networking to be able to actually do something, and there she came with no background in writing for theatre/tv or nothing, and got a pretty big first gig. She is not very popular now either.

It's not that you did anything bad, but I get why people are sour if they think their experience is beign taken for granted while a new person without one comes and here is a new person who didnt have to jump through the hoops to get there, so you just need to stop thinking about it and do your thing, but also dont be surprised- if there is no culture of office staff hanging around with management, then your friendship will stick out.

My last job I ended up getting on better with management then the other staff, management were more my age and we just had more stuff in common, it was a very cliquey environment lots of newer staff members struggled to fit in and didn’t last long, I lasted 3 years before the stress of being around everyone did a complete number on me, I regret so much letting them all get to me. It’s hard to do but ignore them they’re just jealous and clearly have nothing better to do with their dull boring immature little lives other than make up gossip

People who get slagged off at work:

1. The boss
2. Those who don’t work well in a team

everyone will have a different perspective, mine is i try to mix with people from all depts.

Not always the case. I have worked in some toxic environments where there was a lot of nastiness towards people who did not fall in to these categories.

Tbh, I now have my first office based job ; and there’s so many unwritten rules it’s crazy. Be friends with who you like, be polite to ppl you don’t like , and be you :) f@@ k the haters :)))

I suppose they think a bullshitter landed the job and they’ve had to train and carry you and they’re wondering why. Plus you’re chumming up with leadership rather than your coworkers.

However you got the job and presumably are up to speed now? Give it time and give some energy to getting to know your peers.

If it helps you sound quite self-important and over-invested in others’ opinions of you. I’m guessing you’re not popular at work and are wondering why. It might be your personality perhaps rather these these two random factors.

Though your use of the term “nepo baby” in the context of a graphic design job (rather than editor of Vogue or director of a blockbuster movie) is quite amusing. Cf the self-important comment.