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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dh to pick up a phone without swearing?

42 replies

mehdismummy · 10/03/2008 14:20

been stuck in all day because of weather. I have really bad toothache and called the doctors to get some painkillers. Phoned dh to ask him to pick them up on his way back from work (its on his way) and got told to fuck off. I am expected to go and get things for him but he never does anything for for me. I am so sick of feeling like this.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 10/03/2008 14:21

God! Is he always like that? I would be appalled if dh swore at me in that way!

scorpio1 · 10/03/2008 14:22

i would tell him to fuck off and dont do anything for him again.

posieflump · 10/03/2008 14:23

Is he always so rude?

Lauriefairycake · 10/03/2008 14:23

He did this last month too - refused to pick something up for you.

You know you have almost reached tipping point, right

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 14:23

Why did he tell you to F off? Was it because he didn't want to run an errand for you, was it because he was stressed at work and took it out on you or was it because he thinks he can treat you like crap and get away with it?

PotPourri · 10/03/2008 14:24

How rude. That is not an acceptable way to talk to people - especially your wife. Did you ask him in a rude manner?
It's not acceptable, YANBU

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 14:27

mehdismummy read my post here and the wonderful advice

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/492005?stamp=080310123123

I have had years of this sort of treatment from my DH and never realised what an asshole he was being.

mrsruffallo · 10/03/2008 14:29

Mehdi, from what I remember reading on here, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
How long can you put up with this crap?

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 14:32

mehdi - have you been getting any more help from Womens aid with regards to you possibly leaving?

I was sure you had decided to leave.

sorry to hear he is still behaving like this. you know ynbu and you know that he is just a twunt.

VictorianSqualor · 10/03/2008 14:32

Oh MM, he really isn't going to change sweetheart. I know you've taken the right steps so far but they need to get bigger now, yes?

Don't let this carry on, you're doing so well.
xxxxx

Original poster
mehdismummy · 10/03/2008 14:33

yes he is always like it. I dunno if he stressed at work because he does not talk to me. He works about 60 hours a week and not a penny comes to me. In fact i usually get hassled for money. I hate him. He expects me to cook clean iron etc for him but he wont even spend half an hour with me. He went out every night last week when i was not working and i try to talk and he just ignores me or i get told i talk shit. Or too much. I was meant to see the council today but could not go as could not drag ds out in this. I have appointment with safety net on 21st but still cant see a way out of it . I am so miserable. Fat and lonely. I know i need to leave but its finding the strength to do it. I suppose i think he might change. I also worry that ds would be devasted if he did not see his daddy every day. At the moment there is a huge sack of his clothes that need ironing and i am not gonna do them until he acts like a human being

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Original poster
mehdismummy · 10/03/2008 14:36

read your thread devil and it made me feel less alone. I just wish i had somewhere to go. Being put in a hostel in camden scares me

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mrsruffallo · 10/03/2008 14:36

Do you think it is good for your son to see him treat you the way he does?
I am sorry, I know I sound badgering but you always come across like a good person and it is a very sad way to live
Even if stressed, he shouldn't talk to you like that

scorpio1 · 10/03/2008 14:37

Sorry, when i posted earlier i didnt realise it was so much more.

He is being abusive towards you, he will not change either. And your som may grow up thinking thats how men talk to women

PotPourri · 10/03/2008 14:38

Oh poor you MM. I didn't realise this was an ongoing thing. You mustn't accept it. Make another appointment and explain to them about not making it today. You need to get out. If not for yourself, for your DS. He will see what is happening, and will think this is normal behaviour. What if he started treating you or others in this way?

Do you have any RL friends who could support you through this? Mumsnet is great, but you need support to get you through the tough decision stage - once these things are done, then you can get on with rebuilding your life and confidence.

Feel so sad for you. And so at your husband for talking to you in this way.

Hope you get the help you need

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 14:39

You know you need to change yourself as you can't change him but it is up to you to get to the point when you can do something about it. You will do it but atm maybe you can't see a way out. You and your Dc deserve so much more. Do not let yourself be bullied like this.

Does a neighbour have any painkillers you could have?

Original poster
mehdismummy · 10/03/2008 14:47

made another appointment. Also just rang my mums local council to see what they can do to help. I have not got any rl friends tbh. I am going to stay with urbandyrad for a couple of days tomorrow so at least its a break. I understand that ds might see this as normal but dh never is really here with us and when he is he acts like a good h. Everyone thinks he is such a wonderful man because he works all these hours for his family and in reality he does not give me a penny

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 15:51

I am in Kent so not really near but not too far. Is there anything you need that I might be able to help with?

Original poster
mehdismummy · 10/03/2008 16:25

hi thanks nab. I dont think so. You have done enough by just listening. Council rang me back and they said perhaps i can get the rent deposit scheme. My mum lives in deal so that would be ideal. Just waiting now

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 17:13

I hope you get yourself sorted.

Original poster
mehdismummy · 10/03/2008 17:16

me too. He came home with the painkillers

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 18:41

That is something....

WallOfSilence · 10/03/2008 19:26

How did the work situation pan out in the end MM?

I must have missed the thread!

milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 19:34

mm do you have any family or friends you could stay with??, he sounds horrible
hugs to you

Original poster
mehdismummy · 11/03/2008 01:10

hi wall. I got a final warning. I would love to stay with family but my sister has made it clear in the past that i would not be welcome my dad died four years ago. So really on my own

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