To wonder why I feel lonely & weird all the time

[Everythingnotsavedwillbelost73]

I have a partner, 2 lovely kids. I am pretty close to my sister but not really to my mum. My Dad died a year or so ago. I have close friends of 30+ years that I go on holiday with & see a few times a year. Locally I have a large range of mum friends, old work friends, a close friend from travelling 25 years ago etc - some local mates I have known 20 years. I see my Uni mates once or twice a year. My best friend who I have had a tricky relationship with lives an hour away but we do see each other a bit. I have work mates that I do stuff with out of work too. i have friends overseas that I zoom with. I’m even in touch with my primary school mates & we meet up once a year or so.

So why do I feel constantly like I don’t belong? Why do I feel lonely?

I always seem to want more- I do feel sometimes that I am the one organising a lot. But then people do contact me too. I see a friend for a coffee/walk at least once a week.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I am 50 and In perimenopause and sometimes I feel like a teenager filled with angst. Overthinking, analysing everything.

Aibu to wonder why I am so angsty? So disatisfied? I feel on the edge of life a lot- like I don’t belong anywhere, in any real friend groups. .

When I write it down it sounds mad but I would love some insight. I have experienced lots of loss in my life & I had a broken childhood with stepparents etc & never felt wanted.

Aarrggh.

I had a broken childhood with stepparents etc & never felt wanted.

This tells me that you have a core belief (about yourself) that, at it's root, you are not good enough and all the external proof to the contrary - as per your post - will not persuade you otherwise.

Have a look at this article to understand Core Beliefs;

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

Remedial hypnosis could help you change the view of that inner child to reflect your adult self.

I commented on another thread that I felt very similar although it’s partly due to life circumstances that have set me apart from peers. I think sometimes that beliefs from childhood can be very ingrained even if you have moved on from that place. I’ve often felt I am different from others & that I don’t quite belong even if the evidence doesn’t confirm that.

I can feel like this. To some extent I notice it's particularly bad after a day of socialising and I put it down to the drop in all the happy hormones. Like a bit of a hormone hangover. On other occasions it can be after a social event that didn't live up to expectations so maybe the happy hormones didn't get released in the first place.

Maybe your interactions/connections are not feeding something you need in some way. Are they more surface than you would like?
I don't I just don't want to spend hours on small talk and it can leave me feeling a bit empty.

I'm finding it's useful to plan time alone (a few nights at a time somewhere that's not home, I don't know if this is possible for you) and sit with the discomfort that comes up and go through the difficulty of working out what I even want to do with my time.
Even knowing what we went can be hard when our lives are full pelt. I'm finding that I'm getting to know who I am now, as a women who is approaching menopause and is finally getting some room to breathe after years of being a mother. I've changed!! And I am having to get to know myself again. This time makes me like myself better when I'm company as I feel like I've got to know myself again and I like that person I'm finding out about again enough to be able to spend some time in my own company

Eyesopenwideawake

Thats a really good link.