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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour is freaking me out

29 replies

Belle45 · 01/11/2023 19:34

I live next door to a man in his late 50's. He lives alone.

I'm 33 and also live alone. He's taken it upon himself to "check in" on me. I'm extremely uncomfortable with this and I've told him multiple times that I'm okay and don't need someone to check on me.

He says that he's worried about me because I live alone.

He's just knocked on my door there to ask if I need help with my heating because it's getting cold.

I am not sure if he thinks I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to look after myself (being nice?) or he's being a creep.

How can I get him to leave me alone?

OP posts:
CowCatsRule · 01/11/2023 19:35

Does he fancy you?

MaraScottie · 01/11/2023 19:36

Ew. That would really irritate me. How often does he 'pop over'?

MariaLuna · 01/11/2023 19:38

Just don't open the door, or if you do tell him to fuck off nicely.

Time to hoist up your big girl pants OP!

PinkPantherPrat · 01/11/2023 19:40

No that's not on! Do you have any male friends/relatives who could come round and answer the door when he knocks?

UngratefulOldCabbage · 01/11/2023 19:41

Get a ring doorbell. ignore when it's him ringing.

nottaotter · 01/11/2023 19:42

next time he offers help say something like ' oh thanks but my boyfriend is gonna help this weekend'. Also stop opening door to him and he will soon give up.

Hillrunning · 01/11/2023 19:43

Just don't answer the door.

1990thatsme · 01/11/2023 19:43

Why do you open the door to him? I wouldn’t.

MariaLuna · 01/11/2023 19:44

Does he fancy you?

Well of course some weirdo creep thinks he's got a chance in there!

Like I said. OP, time to find the inner warrior woman in yourself...

I've learnt to be a cool bitch with people like that. through experience

CalistoNoSolo · 01/11/2023 19:44

He's being a creep. Tell him to fuck off. I would actually say fuck off to him, but you may want to word it more diplomatically. Don't tell him he's making you uncomfortable as he'll probably get off on that.

Original poster
Belle45 · 01/11/2023 19:44

He knocks on my door every other day. He's also there a lot of the time when I'm leaving or coming home.

At first, I thought he was just being neighbourly but now it's just too much. Especially this evening.

OP posts:
Dogsitterwoes · 01/11/2023 19:44

He's either a busybody, a creep or fancies you.

A genuinely helpful neighbour wouldn't pretend a grown adult can't deal with their own heating. Or keep checking up on you.

Stop answering the door. If he doesn't take the hint you'll have to spell it out to him that you find his 'help' intrusive and actually rather insulting. If he's okay he'll apologise and back off. If not... he's being obsessive and you might need to take further action.

There's friendly neighbourliness and there's being pushy.

MariaLuna · 01/11/2023 19:45

Why do you open the door to him? I wouldn’t.

Exactly!

CatamaranViper · 01/11/2023 19:45

Video doorbell. Then you can decide whether or not to answer the door when it goes

CalistoNoSolo · 01/11/2023 19:46

CatamaranViper · 01/11/2023 19:45

Video doorbell. Then you can decide whether or not to answer the door when it goes

Good idea. You'll also have a digital record of his creepy perving ways to show the police if it comes to that.

CoQ10 · 01/11/2023 20:22

Ring the Susie Lamplugh Trust for advice.

StellaLaBella · 01/11/2023 20:24

Listen to your gut. He is being a pest, but tread carefully. Men seem to no longer care about whether society will judge them for the way they behave towards us. Good advice on calling the Suzy Lamplugh Trust!

Khvdrt · 01/11/2023 20:28

Do you have a peep hole? I’d just stop answering the door to him.

coxesorangepippin · 01/11/2023 20:29

Either don't open the door, or if you do say 'what do you want??! I'm busy' with a hard frown

Fricking chancing men

ThePoshUns · 01/11/2023 20:29

Is second a ring doorbell or have a male friend come around and get him to answer the door next time and say he's your boyfriend/ brother

ShirleyPhallus · 01/11/2023 20:30

UngratefulOldCabbage · 01/11/2023 19:41

Get a ring doorbell. ignore when it's him ringing.

This 100%

AFieldGuideToTrees · 01/11/2023 20:33

Ring doorbell, make a note of every instance, and also get in touch with the police and ask their advice. It's a good move to have them aware in case it escalates.

If he persists then you get them more involved. And you have your diary to show them, and the doorbell footage of him in the vicinity.

Hiddenvoice · 01/11/2023 20:35

He sounds like he’s being far too full on. He may be being neighbourly and may be lonely himself but it’s making you uncomfortable.

If you have a peep hole then I’d check it before answering and just wouldn’t answer the door. I’d try leave/ come home slightly different times as he may be waiting about for you.
If you feel confident enough then politely but firmly thank him for his help but you don’t need any and Explain that when you’re at home, you like to be left alone.

Tilllly · 01/11/2023 20:45

I'd be breezily dismissive

"Hi, no it's fine. Got to dash"